Full Frontal Full Moon Fever Spread

I skipped out on this bad boy last month, and I regret it. It’s a practice that I’m actually keeping up with to a degree, and it’s a nice sign post of my progress. I’ve come to take my Full Moon Retardy Party quite seriously… I’m all about big displays of infectious enthusiasm that fizzles out all too quickly. Having a routine practice is actually good for me. My Hierophanty pants can sleep soundly, but there is enough room for interpretation to keep Our Lady of Divine Disorder happy. I’m feeling incredibly grounded this month, despite some of the crazy going on in my life. I feel a sense of peace and calm coming from the Divine Frontiers. If that’s what they’re giving, I will take it. We’ve a had a departure into laziness, and now we’re slowly and quietly getting back to business.

I decided to use the Tarot of the Four Elements… It’s the first time I’ve read with it, and while it doesn’t shuffle worth a crap (it doesn’t take on a life of it’s own and fly out of my fingers like my dear Jolanda)… It’s got a lot of personality and a naive kind of charm. Colorwise, it’s the most perfect ME deck I’ve ever found. It’s even better for me than Sakki-Sakki, which is awesome. I’ve been feeling elementy, so I thought it seemed like a worthy choice. It makes me feel cheerfully grounded for some reason. I’ve been rather Q of Pents lately, so this isn’t a total shocker.  So… let’s see how this next month will shape up in the Divine Realm of Magickal Realism, Optimysticism, Golden Apple Pie,Spiritual Philosophuckery, and Tarot Fun with Knives…

All of these cards are amongst my Frequently Drawn Cards All-Stars… This looks interesting, and a bit more “action” than I’ve been getting lately. Of course, it makes sense. I am an earthy girl. I hibernate in winter, and get godsdamn fidgety during spring. HUZZAH!

The Emperor Gives the Hanged Man his Annual Employee Review

Emperor: We need to talk about your future with this company, son.

Hanged Man: That’s cool, man. I’m not worried about it.

Emperor: That’s exactly why I wanted to talk to you… You should be worried about it. This is not the time to be sitting idly by on the sidelines! Our company is doing exciting things! As the CEO of Disco Bitches Inc, it is my duty and privledge to make sure all of our employees are on board and ready to synergize optimal workflow during this paradigm shift.

Hanged Man: What is it that people say? ‘Don’t sweat the small stuff’, ‘Let Go… Let God’. ‘Live and let live." I’m not afraid of change, man. I just don’t get worked up over it. Whatever we’re doing, it’s cool man…

Emperor: It is your duty at manager of the Ceiling Mirror deparment to set an example to the other employees. They need strong leadership, and a sense of hierarchy. I don’t feel as if you’re accomplishing that to the best of your abilities. We’re a Meritocracy for a reason, son!

Hanged Man: I trust my people. I’m a hands-off kind of manager. I just let them do their jobs, man.

Emperor: But do they respect you? My underlings respect mah authoritah! I am like a father figure to them. Even our CFO, the Hierophant looks to me for leadership! I might dole out tough love, but so what? I hope you can think of me like a father… I am telling you this for your own good! You need to lead, follow, or get out of the way if you want to succeed in this world! I have no choice but to demote you back to Shift Supervisor.

Hanged Man: I realize that you’ve got my nuts in a noose, but I don’t see a need to struggle over it. This will work itself out. Either way is cool with me. I’m not going to lose any sleep over it, you know? No need to.

Emperor: This is your future, son! How can you be so unconcerned?

Hanged Man: Shit happens, man. I have two choices… Hang out, or get a shovel. I’d rather keep my boots clean. The view is much better from up here, man…

Emperor: We also need to talk about the results of your last drug test…

Hanged Man: Drug test… I haven’t tested any drugs. I swear, man. Just those brownies the Devil brought to the Employee Picnic, those don’t really count. Wait… what?

Emperor: Well, there is a reason why The Devil is in charge of the Sales Team… As long as he makes his numbers, I don’t care what he does in his free time. But you’re in the corporate office… You’ll never get a corner office penthouse suite with that kind of attitude!

Hanged Man: Dude… Have you ever seen the back of a RWS clone… ON WEED!!!! (laughs hysterically at own reference to the movie Half-Baked)

Emperor: INSUBORDNATION!!! Consider yourself TERMINATED EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY! This is going in your employee file! OFF WITH YOUR HEAD!

Hanged Man: Whatever…. man.

At Sixes and Sevens with Sixes and Sevens?

"Strength" from the World Spirit Tarot

Alright… Let’s get back to tarot bidness, shall we? Tarot is serious bidness in my house, or at least on my couch where the Basket O’ Decks I Happen To Be Into Right Now resides. I’m still gunning for the practical.  Well… in the spirit of Pents, the Material, and keepin’ it real Earth-Style, I might as well read about finances. I’m thinking of doing some debt consolidation of the the sort that won’t hurt my credit, but will get some stuff paid off much quicker. Good idea to give a thought to… I’m not in too bad of trouble, but I think things could be better. Really.

I’m going to use the For or Against spread from the book Power Tarot… I haven’t used a spread from there for a while. My World Spirit deck seems to have recovered from it’s Merc in Retardgrade malaise, so… let’s get to… oh… fine… I’ll say it… WORK.

So… Should I consolidate to pay down my creditcard debt? I am going to try to keep this simple. I’m a sixes and sevens with this.

Greyface Curses, Eris Reimburses… NO WE DO NOT VALIDATE PARKING!

Well, it seems I am in a very highly Erisian inspired mood today… Yes, I know. I am pimpin’ my supa’ fresh and fancy fly branch of Eclectic Erisian Paganesque Philosopuckwitchery. Big PIMPIN’! Spendin’ G’s! It’s occurred to me that I do a lot of prattling on my adventures as a tarotista with a smattering of spiritual/religious Paganesque philosophuckery tossed in. It’s been a while since I got all Kallisti with my badself, and thown down some Erisian Awesomeness.

First things first… I am an Erisian, not a Discordian. An Eris worshipper. Mary-Jane is not my main thang, although on some days you’d be hard-pressed not to argue to that end. My god have provided a nice little separation. There is ERIS… and there is ALL THOSE OTHER GENTS n’ DAMES, who tend to be the more orderly types. How to start this cavalcade… hell… make that a Cabalcade of Chaosome? THE CURSE of GREYFACE, BEETCHES! W00t! (Of course I didn’t write this…)

In the year 1166 B.C., a malcontented hunchbrain by the name of Greyface, got it into his head that the universe was as humorless as he, and he began to teach that play was sinful because it contradicted the ways of Serious Order. “Look at all the order around you,” he said. And from that, he deluded honest men to believe that reality was a straightjacket affair and not the happy romance as men had known it.
It is not presently understood why men were so gullible at that particular time, for absolutely no one thought to observe all the disorder around them and conclude just the opposite. But anyway, Greyface and his followers took the game of playing at life more seriously than they took life itself and were known even to destroy other living beings whose ways of life differed from their own.
The unfortunate result of this is that mankind has since been suffering from a psychological and spiritual imbalance. Imbalance causes frustration, and frustration causes fear. And fear makes for a bad trip. Man has been on a bad trip for a long time now.
It is called THE CURSE OF GREYFACE.

And how to end it? I’m feelin’ a little bit Wiccy-Wacky… Let’s reel it back, eh? Of course, I wrote this… Who else could have combined bits of lulz, Crowley, Wicca, Erisianism, and SQUEE so well? Huh? Who. Me. That’s right. Me. I rule!

These twenty-three words this Erisian Witch Decrees:
Lulz is the law… So do what you please
Lulz under pills… So bless all your bees knees
Greyfaces kill… Hail Eris! SQUEE!!

Hmmm… I’m feeling a little bit better. Like I accomplished something without being attacked by possessed beavers. No one likes a demonically enhanced dam-building mammal. How could you? The beady little eyes say it all! Shall we have one more bit of Erisian Bullshittery before we hit the road? It’s lunch time, and my gut hungers for delicious foody sustenance.

It is Friday, so I suppose I could Go Off Alone & Partake Joyously of a Hot Dog on a Friday… But honestly? I could really go for some cheese and broccoli soup.

Piece Out!

And Why Did the Celtic Cross the Road?

I’m going to do something I rarely do… a Celtic Cross. I seldom ever read with it, but I need more than an extended 3-Card or the Q&A type of spreads I’ve been doing lately. I want something plain vanilla, but effective. Utilitarian. CC will do it up nice, I think. Usually I’m not a fan, but today it feels right. I’m just wanting to know the general energies and focus around my husband’s possible deployment to Haiti. I’m doing better than I was, but I am thinking that I need to try to read on it. Let’s stick with the classics, eh? I need to overcome my current mystical malaise.

Overall, I feel like I got pretty sound results here. No nonsense, and using the CC seemed to address my own issues, as well as that which impact my husband, and the situation as a whole. I’m still worried, but feeling more grounded. More hopeful. Of course this is a predestined course… things could change. If he does go, this is the possible outcome. I don’t feel that sense of 6 of Wands "DAMN! I NAILED IT! BOO-YEAH!". Instead, it’s more of a 7 of Pents "Okay… I worked through it. I *think* I see where we’re going with this." Since my readings have been such crap lately, I will take it. No Seven of Swords here… I’ll try to listen, even if I don’t like what i hear.

The Significator:
King of Cups
My husband is a really cuppy guy, with some pents tendancies. Neither of us have that air thing. He needs more fire, which I provide. I need more water, which he can spare. He’s very sensitive, but hides it very well. He doesn’t seem like an emotional guy, since he’s pretty well balanced. Yet it’s there all the same. I chose the King of Cups mainly because of his emotional state with this whole issue. The King of Pents part of him is fine with going, as it’s part of his job. It’s for a very good cause. It’s not a war-time deployment, it’s actually a very compassionate one and he’s a compassionate guy.

The atmosphere surrounding the central issue…
Eight of Wands
BAM! Things are happening pretty quickly. No one expected any of this to happen so fast, except that one geologist that PREDICTED that they were going to have an earthquake. We got the news that he was going FAST. When we finally get the "get ready" phone call, he’ll be leaving FAST. Right now, we’re waiting for this to happen, and trying to be nimble. It’s difficult knowing, but feeling powerless.

The obstacle that stands in the way…
Death
I am seeing Death here as representing the current state Haiti itself. It’s been pummelled, beaten, battered, and broken beyond recognition. It’s almost like the whole country existed on lifesupport for an extended time, only to have some rash jerk suddenly pull the plug. The whole place literally and figuratively stinks of death. I don’t normally go for the jugular with the Death card, but it certainly applies here. Even though it’s poising itself for a possible transformation and it’s good that he can be a part of that, I still can’t help but worry. I expected a deployment this year, and we’d already talked about it. I was totally fine with the other possible options. My husband doesn’t do anything thing that would usually put him in harm’s way. He only goes to places with nice cushy air bases, rather than a war zone. No Iraq… No Afghanastan. This situation is far from the norm.

The goal, or the best we can achieve without a dramatic change of priorities:.
Six of Wands (Victory)
6 of Win! There are some good reasons for him to go. Very good indeed. It’s a tragic situation, and being part of the relief efforts is a huge thing. A noble thing. I am proud of him for committing to it. It would help considerably. We’re also in a slower time of year for his regular job, and the extra money and hazard pay would be absolutely welcomed. This could also make a difference with his current work situation/assignment as well, in a good way, as he’s up for a promotion soon. The recognition could help move things along quicker. Not bad at all… It’s certainly not all bad.

The foundation on which the situation is based:
The High Priestess
I knew… I knew… I knew this was going to happen! Not the Haiti thing, but the deployment thing. I saw it. I knew he’d have to, I was okay with it. We both had some intuitive inklings telling us that it would be a possibility to consider, both for his promotion and for our financial situation. The HP also indicates that I’ll be spending some time alone, but that it’s not neccessarily a lonely time. Perhaps it is time that I need, but for now the mystery remains. I don’t know why I need it, but part of me feels I do. I miss him when he’s gone, but there are also parts I don’t mind. The HP isn’t answering, so there must be a reason.

A passing influence or something to be released:
Six of Pentacles
Aha… I’m seeing this one pretty clearly. Again… it’s back to the work thing. He’s been on short term orders for the last few months. A few days here, a week or two there. Assigned in pieces, with the paychecks coming at odd intervals. It’s not unlike working on a contract or a 1099. Annoying. I thought they’d stopped that, but with funny stuff in the budget towards yearend, they had to go back to it. It’s put us in a situation that leaves us at the mercy of redtape and commanding officers. Nothing gets done until they approve this set of orders or that, so he can work. They dole them out in tiny pieces. A few here… a few there. We’ll be playing this game again until April. If my husband goes to Haiti, this won’t happen. This would be good.

An approaching influence or something to be embraced:
5 of Pents
Aha… For all of my whining, it’s not as bad as I think it is. There is certainly a hardship for me at home alone, but it’s not as bad as I am making it out to be. Seriously. Things might be bad where he is going, but I am seeing that he is part of an effort that will bring hope to many, offer sanctuary, and help rebuild. There is a 5 of Pents on both sides. I’m not seeing clearly that I’m not really personally going to be in any real hardship. And the Haitians? There will be help they didn’t anticipate, directly from his efforts. We gotta go with it… Hardships here are all about perception. Look for the light in the window. That’s what needs to be done.

Our role or attitude:
Six of Cups
Sharing freely of what you have, offering it up for the greater good, and doing so gladly and unselfishly. Hmmm… Ideally, yes. I can give up my husband for a few months, particularly when I think of how awful it is for the people there. Even a small thing could make a big difference. He feels more or less the same way. In reality, there are a lot of different parts, pros and cons, and risks and rewards. Yet when it comes down to it, I admire him for doing it. I always support the troops (i sleep next to one), but I seldom find myself supporting war of anykind. This is very, very different. THis card is all about the good will, and with all of my self-interest aside, I think we both feel that way.

The environment and the people we’re interacting with:
Eight of Cups
It looks like he is definitely leaving… It’s not a picnic or a party. It’s not going to be as fun as going to Guam. It will not be easy, but the tides are moving him in that direction. He’s leaving behind an old role, and preparing to take on a new one. This would have happened anyways, but this deployment is part of the journey. Part of the process. He’s ready for it.

Our hopes, fears, or an unexpected element that will come into play.
Ten of Swords
It’s a difficult situation, and could be dangerous. We have no idea how it will pan out, or even what he will be doing. Yet… I don’t see this as something to watch out for. It’s a dark cloud on the horizon, but one that will not amount to anything. It’s an internal struggle. Worry. Anxiety. Doubt. What will happen? Why us? Why them? Fear is my fear. This may be a good thing overall, but how can I not worry? How? No need to be the martyr, but I’ll probably be a whiney baby. The good thing? It’s not going to last, and doesn’t appear to be the overall energy. It’s just one component.

The ultimate outcome should we continue on this course:
Ten of Cups
In the end, it’s all good. Like I keep saying… It’s good for the people of Haiti. Every soldier there is doing a job that is vital to helping them survive this tragedy. He’s one of those. It’s good for us, in a lot of ways, even if the short term is sucky. I see it as having a strong impact on us, our home, our finances, and… a happy return home. That part will, no doubt, be fun. Happy. Happy. Happy. Joy. Joy. Joy. Perhaps this is the transformation aspect of Death kicking in, or the conclusion to the HP’s time of reflective solitude (which I always experience during a deployment. This ain’t the first, nor the last).

I can live with that. Totally.

Rest… and The Rest.

Fuck. The. Tower.

I have a pretty good inclination as to why I shouldn’t attempt to plan a vacation.

My husband is probably going to Haiti for a few months.

Crikey. Holy Jumpin’ Jesus McChrist on a Fucking Crackwhore…

The cards are a bit quiet on this… They say “It sucks over there… He can help. Quitcher’ bitchin’. It benefits a lot of people, including your checkbook.”

I’m having a hard time reading on it, and seem to have my circuits and conduits all jammed with ick, so I’m going to take a reprieve. I need to relax, regroup, and do a bit of work when I’m feeling up to it. For now, I am giving myself a little break. It’s just not working.

The gods are still maintaining radio silence, even Eris, except for Aphrodite popping up a few days ago. That was kind of odd. She’s not one of my usuals or go-to gods. Whatevs. I just don’t have the energy to seek it out. I’m sure hits will be dropped, synchronicities will lock into place, and coincidences will abound if it means anything. If those things happen, work needs to be done.

For now… I’m stayin’ in. Tarot Time is closed for the next few days. I need to rest.

Dress Shopping with The Empress & The Moon

The Moon: This dress makes me look fat! I’m a disgusting pig! My ass is so big that it practically glows in the dark!!!

The Empress: No it doesn’t, sweetie. The mirror is broken, and it’s making your tushie look distorted. It’s all in your head. Don’t you worry… We’ll find you a dress. Your butt isn’t really that big. You’re not seeing things right. It’s an optical illusion is all!

The Moon: I don’t know what to do… I just feel like my only option is to start collecting cats, and plan to die alone and unloved. What’s wrong with me? I’ve just been so lost and depressed. Like I’m walking around in a fog.

The Empress: Oh…Honey. Don’t cry…Shhhhh… it’s okay. Listen, you’re just having a bad day. You’re going to be fine. One day you’ll meet your Prince Charming. You’ll see! He’ll sweep you off your feet, with his big, strong arms, and tenderly lay you down on the bed, and ravish you… and… Oh. My.

The Moon: And what?

The Empress: … and then we’ll start wedding dress shopping, silly! It will be lovely. You’ll see. I’ll take care of everything. I know a really good caterer, and The Sun is great at making banners! And all of those pesky cats? We’ll give them to the Hermit or the HP. They’re…. you know… cat people.

The Moon: What the hell is wrong with you? None of this is real! It’s all the illusion of happiness… We’re born alone, and we die alone! Don’t you understand that?! And what’s wrong with cat people??!! I am a cat person!

The Empress: Oh… you’re just being silly now, darling. Here… have a cookie! They’re chocolate chip… you’re favorite. Homemade!

The Moon: You have hommade cookies in your handbag?

The Empress: Only for you, dear. I take care of my girls! When I go shopping with Star or Miss World, I always bring a sweater in case they get cold. I was a girl scout… Come prepared! I had a feeling today would be a cookie emergency.

The Moon: I don’t see any dresses here. I feel like I’m lost in a sea of taffeta, without a life raft! What am I going to do?!!?

The Empress: Honey… No crying, mkay? It will make your mascara run! I’ve got my sewing machine set up at home, and some really beautiful dark blue velvet with sparkles that twinkle like little stars. It’s the perfect color for your complexion! I can just make you a dress. Maybe we can do something tight around the bodice… Off the shoulder maybe? Sweetheart neckline? Hmmm… Nipped in at the waist I think. I need to sketch! This is going to be awesome!

The Moon: Okay, I guess, but I’d rather wear black. Just like my soul.

The Empress: Darling! We need to focus! I have sketching to do! Maybe we should pick up a copy of Modern Bride, just in case?

The Moon: Shut-up. I hate you. Go away.

Mercury in Retard-Grade Needs a Staycation!

It’s rainy and gloomy outside. BAH! I’m having a hard time focusing or concentrating today, and it all boils down to one thing… I NEED A VACATION. A real vacation involving a trip to the airport, and cocktails in some far-off-ish within reason locale. It’s been a long time, and I don’t count my trip to St. Balls last fall a vacation. Nope… this needs to HAPPEN! LET’S READ, BEETCHES! I thought I’d have a little bit of fun with this one. No formal spreads… I’m finding that a Q&A approach feels more natural and conversation-like to me. Ask-Flip-Ask-Flip… For me, it’s a good way to delve down to the details without overwhelming myself if there are a lot of pieces and parts. I’m drawing a blank as to what I should do, but I know one thing for sure… Why not use the resources I have? I don’t have a deck handy, so we’ll just have to use Facade. Actually, my connection is bad. I’ll use the Thoth online reader at http://www.fourthdimension.net/ Sure, it’s a Celtic Cross, but I’ll flip over one card at time. It should work well as any, and my decks are still being cranky. That amazing read from the otherday? MEH. Totally and completely off. FUCK YOU, MERCURY in RETARD GRADE!

And… I guess we can second that. What is up with The Powers That Don’t Be Very Nice to My Ass This Week? Shit. This is a verrrrrrrrry Thothy reading… Smothered in smirkying, snarking, snarling yet witty Thoth Sauce.

She’s a very Thothy girl… The kind you don’t bring home to Ma’at…

Mad. Brave. Crazy. Thirsty.

I may be crazy, but it’s a good kind of crazy.

I am not afraid of things I should be afraid of.

I don’t understand why there are certain things that I cannot do in life, out of conditioning or tradition, that seem so simple. Yet at the same time, I can rip down other far less imposing barriers with my barehands and not a thought at all as to the consequences. Magick was like that for me. Sure, I struggled with the philosophical parts and the technical parts. I still do. Yet, for such a strange thing that seems to make no rational sense to appeal so easily, without so much as a glance back… Shouldn’t that be difficult? It was as if I went from being a skeptic, until I stumbled on the magick key, and it all seemed to fit. There was never any fear or hesitation. It felt natural. “Oh, magick you say? Sounds interesting. Please, tell me more!”.

Jebus H. Monkey Spelunking Christ… I *can* READ!!!

I haven’t done one of these in a while… My three-card draw to see what kind of day tomorrow is going to be turned into a nine-cardy-headed beastie! Actually… it’s erm… Eleven. Some days you need to throw it down, son! Eeek… Erisianism + Medicated Goodness + Tarot= HOLY BAD IDEA, BATMAN! Well… fuck it. Here we are. This is Honesty Tarot. I really thought I couldn’t read while… “medicated”. I don’t… erm… “medicate” often. Just on Sundays. BONG HITS FOR JESUS! I guess that’s better than DONG HITS FOR JESUS. That would probably hurt the poor fella… So, I would like to prove myself thusly wrong, without seeming like someone who wears pots and pans on their head. Who would do that? I certainly wouldn’t. I’m not one of *those* people. I am the kind of person who listens to the Misfits before meetings so that she can be properly ready to shout “I AIN’T NO GODDAMN SON OF A BITCH! YOU BETTER THINK ABOUT IT, BABY!” to her superiors. But not for real. Just for pretend. I ain’t no goddamn sonofabitch, although I am the daughter of one.

I also think that Boxxy is a Discordian Prophet. I can say this because I am a Discordian Pope, and so are you. This is not relevant to the discussion, but it’s my Tarot Blog & Erisianistic Glee, and I may tarot as I please! HMMMPH!