A Very Fancy Fuckin’ Farmacy & Harry The Happy Security Guard

A Very Fancy Fuckin’ Farmacy & Harry The Happy Security Guard

More AltarCraft… Ganesha Box Altar w/ altar to Parvati, the new goddess of my hearth. Oh… Happy Buddha is hanging out too. He’s sittin’ in for Kwan-to-tha-Yin-rather-than-to-the-Yang-Cos’-They’re-Two-Very-VERY-Different-Thangs.

I stopped by my local farmacy on the way home from the office on Friday… It’s the only day of the week where I’m close enough to beat the traffic. I hate the neighborhood it’s in, although it’s probably the nicest place of it’s kind in my area. There are some funky hippie bitches up the street who operate one as well, but they’re sort of nosy. They want to know if you’re shopping with the competitors also, and aren’t shy about it. Look, Hippie Bitchez… I just want some damn cannabutter! Please stop with the third degree, and ring me the fuck up, Buttercup! Yup… My Erisian Temperment flares when I cavort amonst hippies. I’d rather go up the street to the other farmacy. There are mostly young dude-bros, young white gangsta dudes, professional-looking men under 40, and the occasional crackhead. I am typically the only professionally dressed women in the place. If there are girls, they are usually hippie chicks who stroll in on the chiseled arms of dude-bros, giggling together with their newly-minted “Dr.’s Recommendation” in hand. It’s quite an easy thing to obtain, and quite frequently I notice that the young folk flock in together in groups when signing up at a dispensary with new letters in hand.

It’s like they decided to make a day out of it… Go to Dr. Go To Weed Store. Buy Weed. Get High. Eat Snacks. Get High. Feel AWESOME.

I like it well enough… It’s a classy joint, very fucking fancy compared to the old hippie haunt in my locale. I’d never ever restock my supplies there. The parking lot is far too conspicuous, and the community is just too small. I’ll go to Fancy Fuckin’ Farmacy out of town before I’d park where my neighbor or my mom could see my car.

When I go, there is always the same security guard. He’s in his mid-forties, balding with long blondish-grey hair that’s decidedly mulletesque in the back. I’ve never seen such a happy security guard… He’s like the Happy Buddha of  Security Guards! He opens the door for you, and greets you with a “Well hello there, Miss!” or a “Hey whats-up, Bro?” or a “Hey there… How’s it goin’, Man?”  followed by a “Welcome to the Fancy Fuckin’ Farmacy! C’mon in… ?”. He’s cool and calm about, but is very sincere and inviting. You’ll take a seat, and watch as he opens the door for any one he can. He answers the phone quickly and cheerfully, rattling off express orders and turning them in to the CannaBaristas in the back. He grabs redbull for the cute 19-year-old receptionist. As you wait, he’ll gleefully usher small groups of people in the lobby into the door to the Back Room, where the merchandise is lovingly and tenderly displayed for your smellin’, lookin’, and purchasin’ pleasure. I’ve never seen such an engaged security guard! Usually they’re either young, psychotic, fat and lazy, old, or simply just useless. (I work in an industry where their presence is sometimes needed, so I am quite familiar).

It’s not a forced or fake cheerfulness. It’s sincere and infectious. The guy is so damn cool and causal about it, yet still so damn jolly. You can tell that despite his little belt decked with pepper spray and a flashlight… He loves his job. He loves it. I think we all know why…

He’s higher than a fucking kite…. and loving it!

I guess I get where he’s coming from. I’m feeling a little bit that way myself. Peacefully and subtly optimistic and good. I think we could all take a lesson or two from Harry The Happy Security Guard. He’s happy to have the lucky to work in such a place, despite having a job that usually sucks. Being a security guard sucks ass. The Magician did that for like a week one summer for extra money when we were in college. Yeah. Sucky job.

I’m in one of those sort of peacefully but joyfully content sort of phases. It’s just sort of… well… nice. This might be because my Local Farmacy has had some rather nicely potent offerings of late. It also might be because all of this really good stuff in my life is happening at once, and all of it is the result of a very long hard struggle or a lot of work of some sort. At home, in my family, in my spiritual work, in tarot, and even at work… Physically I’m still a trainwreck, but I am seeing a little hint of progress of late through going to a different physical therapist and changing my medications around a bit. No, not the medications from the Farmacy… I mean like pain meds. Found a tumeric supplement that has really made a difference. I’m still in a lot of pain, but that combined with some newer, better therapies has given me the kind of progress I haven’t had in a long time. It’s not a lot, but it’s enough to restore some hope. Even if I have to live with it, maybe I’m simply learning ways to live with it better.

I am… here… and it’s really not so bad. And while my solar plexus chakra waits for the other shoe to drop, at least the rest of me is appreciating it all, whatever it means. None of this would be possible without the Farmacy…

Ridin’ in Style on the Wish-Fulfilling Wheel

Ridin’ in Style on the Wish-Fulfilling Wheel

White Tara with Snowflakes Original Painting by Lasha Mutual watercolour, 2010


Check out these GORGEOUS 108 White Tara series at Lasha Lutual

I didn’t know that White Tara is also known as “The Wish-Fulfilling Wheel”.

I wonder if the recent appearance of the 9 of Cups and the The Wheel of Fortune in a lot of my readings might be a way to tell me something.

The more I read, and the further I develop my skills, the easier it is for me to see the slight and subtle Winks & Nods of the Gods!™. Simply put, there are times where I can tell when a certain card is very loudly and obviously a subtle or not-so-subtle nudge.

Although I haven’t really been posting many readings lately, it’s not that I’m not using tarot. I took a little break during my Mini Kali Yuga, but have more or less gone back to my normal habits. I might do a quick read or a one-card at the start of my day, just to see what I may be dealing with and how I can make the most of it. I’m mad efficient, yo. I’ve been noticing that any reading I may do, the dots are a bit easier to connect. I can see what they are trying to say with much less effort or frustration. It’s not a huge difference… It’s just that I’m finding that I don’t have to over-think it as much to get an answer. It’s not Mastery (a.k.a Temperance) in any way, but I feel like the work is beginning to pay off.

I’ve been studying the tarot for over 15 years now. I’m finally at a point where I am not intimidated by it any more. I consider it to be the most powerful tool in my arsenal, other than my relationship with my gods. Tarot comes before magick for me, quite simply because it requires less effort.

Path of least resistance, yo!

My spiritual/religious/witchcraft practice has gotten more refined and more consistent over the last year as well. Lots of reasons for that, but I’m glad to see it finally trickle down to my readings. Even my daily readings.

Snap! Crackle! Pop! Hip-hop-ya-don’t-stop! Ain’t no party like a Tarot Card Party, cos’ a Tarot Card Party don’t stop!

I’m still my pretty pink bubble. I seem to be tuning into a lot of synchronicities related to Buddhism and Quantum Physics. I’ll think of random stuff while I’m high, and then later I’ll read about that same thought somewhere. This is still a Kwan Yin influence, but I’ve got Sarasvati and White Tara as well. It’s a crisp and clean phase to be in. It smells like spring rain, possibilities, and wonder. Spring is when I get my biggest Winks & Nods of the Gods!™. Weed is my gateway drug. The Gods are my guides. Tarot is my best tool to understand it. Magick is how I make the changes actually happen. Pretty cool, huh?

It’s like all of these crazy random things are starting to come together. I’m keeping Our Lady of Chaos on ice permanently. Eris the Goddess is a largely destructive influence in my life, I’m finding. As I’ve worked at exerting more control over her, I’m finding that the rest of my life is easier. More joyful. More promising. It’s a small step, but it’s a good one.

I don’t want to change my name though. Eris Hilton has a ring to it, doesn’t it? My usual handle, Auntie Christ was already taken.

I suppose that this is what I wanted. This is what I asked for. The hits keep on comin’, and even though it’s the road less traveled… The road still leads to Rome. Roam to Rome, yo! I like the word “yo” today.

It’s nice to simply enjoy my work with tarot. To learn from it. To further develop my skills as a reader… Without putting too much pressure on myself. This is where I wanted to be years ago, but I was too lazy or daunted to do the work to get here. A few years back when I picked it back up, this is what I wanted!

Be Here Now? Betcha’ mama’s sweet ass, Ram Dass! Ram-to-tha-dass… Gonna tap that ass!

It’s the same with pagan and magickal books. I started dappling in magick 15 years ago, with varying degrees of success. Something was missing. There was something I didn’t get, and was frustrated as to how to get there. When I Woke The Fuck Up to Persephone & Friendsback in the spring of 2008, I decided to do something about it. Of course, this is the same time that I said the same thing of tarot. The two will always be linked for me. I voraciously read pagan and magickal books. The classics from Starhawk and Scott Cunningham to Uncle Bucky’s Big Blue Book. Modern stuff. Old stuff. Regardie. Crowley. Dion Fortune. All the usual stuff on any curious Pagan/Witchy Reading list? It’s either on my Kindle or on my bookshelf.

I’ve discovered two things…

I consider Lon Milo Duquette to be one of my favorite writers of any kind. For me, he ranks right up there with Mark Twain, James Thurber, and David Sedaris. I don’t think Solomonic magick, kaballah, the occult, or Enochian magick is for me.  I’m certainly on a different path than Mr. Duquette, but I find his style of writing to be just as entertaining as it is informative.

I also discovered that once I boned-up on the basics, a good portion of those Paganism/Witchcraft 101 books are pretty boring and repetitive. I’m finding that I tend to do better if I put the pieces together from multiple sources. Philosophy, history, anthropology, psychology, mythology, evolutionary biology & psychology, quantum physics, and anything about entheogens… Wheeeeeeee! Stephen Hawking, the Dalai Lama, Jung, Joseph Campbell, the Buddha, and Bob Marley? FUCK YEAH!

This is the 9 of Pents, where all of your hard work has paid off and you can enjoy the benefits of it. I’m constantly representin’ the 9 of Pents in a lot of ways, at least outwardly. Now I feel like my internal landscape is starting to do the same.

You know how I feel about that?

I feel like I’m meeting some part of myself that is rife with potential and hope. A part of me that I forgot about. A part of me that was snuffed out by some really dark shit about 15 years ago. The Dark Shit started this process. Eris first called me then. She was the first god to call me. Now, after years of working through it, I’ve come back around. Back up the bubble! In the mirror, I can see that girl who got lost in all of it, so many years ago when I thought I’d found everything I’d ever wanted. I’d waited for it, and gave up a very vital and needed part of myself. I’m getting Her back. She is coming back to me, and it’s all falling into place.

I haven’t felt this good in years. Yes, my body hurts, but the rest of me doesn’t. By saying hello to Her again… I see that while I am still on this Crazy-Ass Motherfucking Spiritual Journey, I needed to go through those years of darkness and pain to really know the light when it’s hitting me right between the eyes.

This is how I feel, right about now… I took a ride on a Wish-Fulfilling Wheel, and damn it feels good!

Slide Down The Rabbit Hole, Bounce Back Up in The Bubble

Slide Down The Rabbit Hole, Bounce Back Up in The Bubble

Even though they make good tour guides, rabbits make crappy pets.

I talk a lot about “going down the rabbit hole”.

If you’re going down the rabbit hole, you should totally use protection. Who knows where that thing has been?!

It’s something I’ve been able to do at different points in my life. I’m just not cut out for Shamanic work, not in the long term. It’s something that I only do when pushed by Special K and Persephone in her black not-so-Kore-feeling veils.

All this is happening because I am still keeping Eris on ice. Maybe Our Lady of Chaos is an influence to be controlled and wielded when needed, but kept at bay at other times? She is my Wildcard.

Sometimes the Wildcard is the best card you can have. Other times it just weighs you down.

I’m in a weird place of perspective where I can clearly see the changes I need to make, and I am empowered to make them. For the better and for the longterm, not just my usual brand of cause-du-jour fuckery. This is different. I don’t feel a sudden push of Erisian Madness sweeping me up, pulling over me rocky rapids to my catastrophic doom. I can never finish anything I start because I tend to overthink things. I get caught up in going out too far with the amazing potential possibilities, and end-up exhausted by the amount of effort it will take to live up to that seemingly unattainable end-product. It’s hard on a person to fly so high on a wave of creativity and productivity, only to crash and burn in a pile of rubble before any progress can be made.

I am tired of the cycle. Sinking. Rising from the ashes. Taking some time to recoup. Enthusiasm sparks somewhere. HAVING ANOTHER BRILLIANT IDEA! RIDING THE WAVE! FUCKYEAH! ZOMG! I COULD DO THIS OR THAT OR ZOMG AWESOME!!! FUCK YEAH! Oh. Wait. I need to do XYZ before I can do that. Hmmmm… a lot of detail for that XYZ, eh? Hmmmm… Well… Can-Do Attitude! Tighten-up your bootstraps, Pollyanna! Hoooooo-ahhhhhh! You can do this… at least for a while! Oh. This is harder than I thought. I’m bored of it. I’m over it. I collapse. I crash. I feel guilt because I can’t finish what I started. My physical health usually suffers in someway, whether it’s just a flare-up. I sink again.

I see that I’m only hurting myself in the end. I do this in almost everything, and while I love the possibilities I just can no longer handle the the soaring highs and crushing lows. It’s too much for me. When I hit a low, I am invariably sucked back down the rabbit hole again, kicking and screaming.

I don’t enjoy Shamanic work, which for me is all about the Underworld. I’ve gotten more comfortable about working within it’s context, for sure. I can do it. I always learn from it. I just don’t like it. What I get from those Dark Ladies is inseparable from those deep, dark reaches. No one wants to voluntarily look deep within their psyche to have it staring back at them, startled and taken aback to even be seen. I have. I’ve decided to accept what I see and work with it, rather than being repelled by it. Shamanic work is transformative work. It takes you through the lower, darker, more loamy places deep under the bullshit and the baggage. I happen to enjoy the web of bullshit that I spew with poetic frequency, so this wasn’t easy.

Admitting that my OCD was a *real* problem that I did not enjoy having and not a bullshit problem was hard. I have what I need to get through this. I wasn’t always this way and I know I can change. I am already starting to. Kali makes you answer the tough questions. She does not give hugs or warm fuzzies. She gives you what she knows you can handle. She doesn’t want you to fear the dark, especially the darkness within yourself. OCD is simply Bad Order run amok.

At this point, I’ve done that work, or the start of it. I floated back up from the rabbit hole in a shiny, pink, irredescent soap bubble. Right now I’m in the bubble. I am at a place where I can see things more clearly. I’m at a point where I am lucky enough to make some choices. I’ve chosen the path of least resistance. I just want peace. Peace is all I want. These last few years have been a whirlwind of spiritual insight and crazy.

Yo dawg, I heard you like bubbles. So I put a bubble in your bubble so you can float while you float.

This pretty pink soap bubble is swirling with light, yo. It’s pretty badass. I can’t stay in the bubble forever, but I’m going to enjoy it while I can. It’s a good place to be. It’s sort of like Glenda the Good Witch’s cotton-candy pink colored ride, but more classy.

I find it’s easy to make the choices I need to make, simply, quietly, effortlessly. No big display of showman ship is needed to convince me to do them. I’ve been eating better, and I’ve been trying to seriously do what I can to make my broken body feel better. I feel cleaner. I feel invigorated. I feel a rightness in this. Even just letting my practice sort of go a more organic and less structured direction is a part of this.

I am taking the pressure off myself. I don’t function well under too much pressure. Bad Order Bears.

If I want to make a positive change of any kind, this is the time. I’ve simply become receptive to it in a way I wasn’t before. I’m still learning.

It’s small things. It’s more gentle. It’s more latent Kwan Yin stuff, I think. Kwan Yin is a sleeper goddess.

To know her is to let her surprise you with her subtlety and breadth. I thought we were done, but I was wrong.

Face the dark. Bounce back in a bubble. Take stock of your life. Make things better in a small but simple way rather than embracing THE HIGHS AND LOWS OF THE ERISIAN MADDNESS POSSIBILITY TRAIN!

My bubble will not pop. It will gently sink to the ground when ready, and will slowly dissolve when I don’t need it anymore. It’s here in this strange interim time where I walk between one ending phase, and look to a new one beginning. Maybe I just need a little bit of extra padding in a time where I am most vulnerable to change. I didn’t ask for this, since I didn’t realize I needed it. Perhaps I do.

I embrace the bubble! If you try to pop it, I’ll totally kick your ass! Oh. Wait. Yeah. Path of Peace. Sorry… I will highly encourage you to be kind, rather than mean, and to kindly NOT POP MY BUBBLE, THANK YOU VERY MUCH YOU COCK PUNCHING DICKBAG! Uh…  Remember… Peace, dude. Peace. Let’s not call those bubble-popping MunDane-O-Tards “cock punching dickbags”, Dick-punching cockbags, or bag punching cock-dicks. Either way, they’re dicks and they probably already know that.

“Don’t pop my bubble, bro!”

Much better.

Box Altars… These Little Boxes are NOT Made of Ticky-Tacky!

Box Altars… These Little Boxes are NOT Made of Ticky-Tacky!

Today I shall be getting my MunDanish on with a little bit of cleaning/packing/organizing/moving prep.

CAN I GET HIP-HOP-HOOHA-HOORAY sans the “HOO” and easy on the “HA”?

I love the way my British friends call it “moving house”. It’s far better than just saying “moving”. Moving insinuates motion but does not hint at a destination. “Moving house” ties up the package with a nice little bow. I’d shake that box, and I’d shake it good!

So, yes. We did get THE HOUSE. Lucky O’Shallahan (our fat-happy-jolly-buddhaesque little house spirit) has been pleased with his offerings of contraband clove cigarettes. I have plenty of cloves left in my deep-freezer stash, so it was totally worth it. We don’t have an exact date for the close of escrow, but shit is going pretty well. Lookin’ good! I’m trying to get my closet cleaned out, but I’m also trying to ignore the fact that I’d rather be making altars.

Moving plans has led to a burst of creativity for me, in a very good way. As I embrace my need to feed into the cycle of creating altars, tearing them down, and re-creating them, I’m also thinking rather practically at the same time. Good Chaos & Good Order, balancing nicely FOR THE WIN! I’m trying not to ignore the work that I know I need to do, in regards to moving. Yet I’m also trying to give proper attention to the work I know I want to do, in regards to my practice. I’ve made some proto-types of box altars that I believe might be a good solution for my predicament. I need to move things easily, yet keep them intact. I need to be able to hide them and put them back together easily if I have company. I want them to be self-contained in a way that will prevent them from getting out of hand.

So… I’m trying this with Box Altars. How about I show you, rather than just telling you? Think of all the shitty dioramas you had to make in grade school, but picture them beautiful, functional, practical, where making them is a ritual all it’s own! I’m having fun with this project, although I’ve gotten derailed from the real MunDanish work I need to be doing.

These pictures are kind of shitty, but they’ll give you an idea of what can be done… (My iPhone camera sucks when it’s hazy/overcast out and I’m taking pics indoors. Fuck it, says I!)

This is a Ganesha/Lakshmi altar I put together using an old gift-box from a mall gift certificate. The trick is to find nice, but decorative-looking or colorful boxes that are sturdy enough to be re-used. Stationary stores, IKEA, and Borders all have a lot of sturdy gift boxes and organizing boxes that work beautifully for a box altar. The most important part is making it to where the lid can fit snugly underneath to give you more of a canvas to work with. If you’re in the US, Ross, Marshalls, TJ Maxx have a good selection. Target and WalMart do as well, surprisingly on the latter. I just used stuff I already had around like a pretty-foil Ganesha post-card, some small statuary, flowers, some pretty vintage jewelry

This is a larger Box Altar I’m working on for Sarasvati. I just got a cheap-o file organizing box from Wally World, and went to town with some pretty red-foil gift-wrap on clearance for a buck at Borders. You don’t need to spend a lot to do something cool. It’s the perfect medium to use paper bits, or odd craft-store clearance bin finds. I have yet to make a Discordian one, but… BWAHAHAHAHAH!  Yes, that is the box from the Tarot of the Four Elements. That deck is very much a Winter/Spring deck for me, and it seems to work well with Sarasvati. I’ve got some symbolic elements that are meaningful and relevant to my practice and work with Her, as well as flowers, a crazy wire “flower of life” thing I made, pretty ceramic dishes from the funky Chinese gift shop down town, healing and empowering stones and talismans, and of course a big-ass block of selenite. Selenite is sort of my go-to stone for any kind of energy work.

And yes… That is a Ganesha Zippo lighter. Sarasvati is the first god who truly and irrevocably pierced the veil of consciousness for me, and ganjajuana is the medium. Spring is when she chooses to do so. The Ganesha lighter is sort of a nod to that. Also… I have Ganesha in all of my altars except for anything with Persephone. It’s just not an altar party without my one-tusked homie!


Basically, these are made to be collapsed very quickly and easily. I put them away in under a minute. Completely self-contained. These could sit in a stack of other storage or organizer boxes in my “office”. I doubt anyone would go through my “bills” and “taxes” and “receipts” unless the IRS did door-to-door audits. Again, these can be hidden super easily in plain sight!

I am at peace with being inconspicuous. I practice and think about some pretty weird and way-out-there shit. There is nothing special or different about me except the fact that I’m just naturally wired for this kind of artsy, chaotic, ecstatic, entheogen-driven, experience-based practice. That’s a big pill to swallow for most people. They’re not ready for it, or they can’t conceive of some of this shit yet. I’ve seen stuff I can’t rectify in my rational mind. I’m not crazy either. Except for a little bit of hormonally-charged irrational bitchiness, I’m pretty sane and level-headed.

I’ll gladly keep my eccentricities for an audience who can handle them a little bit better.

This audience just might be you!

I’m going to keep playing with these. Neither one of these are going to last. I’ll re-do them soon. I plan to have one working altar in a cabinet or hutch, and some of these little dudes in boxes.

I’m feeling good about it, and… also… I really need to get some shit done! Namaste, bitchez, gods, and all the other closed-minded fuckwads out there! I’m outta here! (For now!)

Channelling!?! WTF Just Happened?!

Channelling!?! WTF Just Happened?!

Something very strange happened to me a few days ago. It’s very weird, but I think it’s probably a good thing. I think it’s a breakthrough of sorts. I’ve had a lot of those recently. I’ve just never had anything even remotely like this happen. Seriously.

And before you ask… Yes. I did partake of some herbal intoxicants that day. I’m fairly good at metering it, since it’s not solely recreational for all my prattling on. I only had enough to take the edge of my pain levels, but not enough to have a profound mystical experience. I’d question it more if I’d had more that day, but I really didn’t have much, making it even weirder!

When I talk about "getting something" it likely means that I’m receiving some sort of little psychic pricklings about a god, a guide, a person, or something that I am supposed to do. It’s just a Little Push, like static electricity. It happens quite often. A few times a week at least. It’s usually very simple and nothing worth writing about. It tends to be instructions more than anything else. There is a lot of static, and I am certain that I misunderstand most of the time. Sometimes it’s my gods or guides. Other times I don’t trust what I’m getting and I pull my cards out to see. Using tarot is a good way to make sure that the message is genuine. It’s as small as a tiny little thought that won’t go away, and as big as seeing some strong, impossibly convenient synchronicities. The gods are fond of getting my attention by using a Little Push action here and there. I’m used to it, and I don’t often overthink it.

It’s not usually anything of dramatic importance. It’s almost always something small that is the gateway to something larger. For example, I kept getting lot’s of Little Pushes from Kwan Yin right as November’s Mini Kali Yuga. So I kept her on my mind… Kwan Yin. She doesn’t usually come on so strongly. Kwan Yin. What does this mean? I went with it, and ended up having the Greatest Christmas in Years due to paying particular attention to her. I think after the recent discovery that…



Yeah… Like I wouldn’t need a friendly Little Push from a very kind a loving deity to help me do damage control over that shit! Could you handle this shit if it happened to you? I couldn’t have years back. I can now. I must be ready for it, or I wouldn’t be so ass-slappin’ fantastic at hearing the messages.

I’ve come to enjoy those Little Pushes as best I can. Even when they’re truly small, they are still meaningful even if it’s just for an hour or a day.

What happened to me over the weekend wasn’t a Little Push. It wasn’t muddy. It didn’t take weeks of revisiting it, thinking it through, and researching it to see what it meant. Nope.

It was a SUDDEN SNAP, with a visual and mental clarity I’ve never experienced, even deep in a trance state.

I don’t know what it was. It wasn’t scary. It was actually very cool… I think. It’s just not the kind of thing that I can have happen to me all the time, but…

Normally I get Little Pushes that are just about me or for me.

I’ve never channeled before. Evocation and invocation I’m familiar with. I prefer the former. Chanelling isn’t anything I’ve ever done or wanted to do.

I never get clear, concise instructions for someone else.

Well… I didn’t until She showed up. She isn’t my guide, but I knew exactly who she was.

She had some things to say… I simply listened and relayed the messages.

I’m still collecting my thoughts on everything that happened. This wasn’t static electricity… This was like licking a 9-Volt battery during the middle of a thunderstorm. Shit.

I should write about it, but it was some deeply personal stuff communicated through me for someone I love very much. If it were me it was for, GAME ON! I respect this person’s privacy, and want to give them time to grapple with it. It was pretty intense and scary accurate. I could not have figured any of this out on my own without Her. I thought She was done, and I kept getting more. "Oh- She wants you to know this! Oh! She also says look at this!". I got strong, clear visual images, loud messages, and a very clear problem/solution.

Wham! Bam! Thank you, Spam!

I think I’d be disrespectful of Her if I relayed too much of what she said. I was used as a conduit. I don’t know how I feel about that. It makes me feel kind of dirty, and not in the fun way. I have the feeling that the person for whom I communicated by proxy needed the information, and I was a convenient way to get it there safely and quickly. This person is fairly open minded and is familiar with certain magickal traditions, so it wasn’t that weird for them. It was certainly weird for me to get such a BIG BUNCH OF STUFF for someone else! Spine meet shivers!

All I can say is… Wow. That’s something. Didn’t know the first time I accidentally channelled that I’d rip someone’s psyche and sense of self into bits and build them back up again within the course of ten or fifteen minutes. Trust me, it’s very possible.

It was so clean, so clear, so… so…

So… Right?

Hello 2011. Thank You, 2010.

Hello 2011. Thank You, 2010.


Of course I believe in past lives… I mean, if you’re a big hippie like me, it totally makes sense.


White Tara... Hello 2011?

It’s my inclination that this life was a good choice. It’s not been easy, but I’m equipped with some good internal resources.

I’ve essentially figured out my shit. It’s not dramatic, but I see the Patterns in the MunDanish aspects of my life more fully ripened than before. There aren’t that many mysteries left for me when it comes to figuring out why I’m here, why I tick and tock the way I do, and what I’m supposed to do next.

Christmas was strange for me this year in that it was very good. I felt a lot of divine love and light that is rare for me in such beautiful gushes. I am eternally thankful to Kwan Yin for stopping by to say hello. She’s very subtle till you’re ready for her.

I remembered what made Christmas special to me as a kid. At the darkest time of the year, where Nature is still too busy hibernating to answer, we need light, warmth, and divine love the most just so that we don’t feel quite so lost. Jesus is pretty popular during the holidays, and so are parties. We do these things to block out the dark, and invoke warmth from within. We need it because it’s fucking cold as shit outside, and we also need it so that the darkness of winter doesn’t consume us. We eat with one another. We perform rituals of devotion. Black Friday? You can’t tell me that isn’t a Christmas Shopping Initiation Ritual of some type. As a kid, I loved the feeling of going to the candle-lit Christmas Eve service at church. I usually hated church, but not at night. It felt like some connection to a deeper, more ancient, more holy sort of place. It felt like home in a way it never did under normal circumstances.

I realize now that it reminded me of somewhere else I’ve lived, although not in this life. I wonder if I was a monk or a scribe of some kind. I could see me gravitating towards something like that. Even now, I have a deep unending love of research. I can’t describe the feeling quite aptly in words, but I remember it. Peace. Reverence. Connection. I only felt connected to the Divine at this time, and this time only. That is why I could never really be an atheist. I tried to be logical, but I kept my heart lined with Divine wallpaper. It’s more than just being sentimental. I remember that feeling. That feeling. Maybe it was because it was going to Church at night? Maybe it was the candles? Maybe it was that we just sung Christmas carols? I can’t tell you, but I can tell you that there is some special magic about the old church I grew up in that pretty much ceased when they leveled the old building to make room for a SUPER PROGRESSIVE LUTHERAN MEGA CHURCH. I didn’t want to get married in MEGA CHURCH. The old building was what made the magic. The MEGA  CHURCH is what killed it. I was completely lost after MEGA CHURCH. I realized that any part of God I might have felt was obliterated the moment they broke ground on the new church. I was angry in a way. It was hard enough for me before, but increasingly difficult after. I began to question at that point. I must have been 15 or 16. Christmas began to lose it’s magic too.

But I am glad it’s wasn’t forever. I’ve made strides this year in Figuring Out My Shit. Spiritually, I feel vindicated, alive, and good about where I’ve ended up. I would not have ended up here without the struggles of the past. I am grateful for the connection. It’s a different connection now. It’s more vital, more alive, more colorful, more personal, and more a part of my daily life.

In 2008, Persephone, Anubis, Isis, and Ganesh came a knocking, and I answered the door.

In 2009, Persephone, the Neteru, and the Unnamed Blue Goddess of Libraries, Learning, and Wisdom remained strong. Eris was around. Kali crept in. Isis left the building. Anubis said goodnight. Blue Goddess was actually some aspect of Sophia/ or Saraswati, but I didn’t recognize that it was my choice to go either way. I picked up a little bit of stuff from Inanna and Cybele, but I ignored it. Anu, the Sumerian Sky God called too. I was either going to be called by the Sumerians or the Hindu pantheon, I just didn’t see it yet. I was mostly picking up on strong, yet simplified archetypal energy. BLUE Goddess was the High Priestess to me. GOLD goddess, was the one who I accidentally evoked while coming out of the grocery store. Blue & Gold Goddess are aspects of the same goddess… Sophia. I only knew that from my GOLD experience with her. She said “I am the thunder. I am the power. I am the light. I am. I am. I am.”.

Thanks to a google search, I stumbled a upon this

The Thunder- Perfect Mind
I was sent forth from the power,

and I have come to those who reflect upon me,
and I have been found among those who seek after me.
Look upon me, you who reflect upon me,
and you hearers, hear me.
You who are waiting for me, take me to yourselves.
And do not banish me from your sight.
And do not make your voice hate me, nor your hearing.
Do not be ignorant of me anywhere or any time. Be on your guard!
Do not be ignorant of me.
(She sort of snuck up on me while grocery shopping… hard to ignore.)

For many are the pleasant forms which exist in numerous sins,

and incontinencies,

and disgraceful passions,

and fleeting pleasures,

which (men) embrace until they become sober

and go up to their resting place.

And they will find me there,

and they will live,

and they will not die again.

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Moving House with the Fabulous Lucky O’Shallahan!

Moving House with the Fabulous Lucky O’Shallahan!

Lucky O'Shallahan looks a little like this fat, happy, Buddha

I can do lots of things for myself like read tarot, trim my bangs, and of course pedicures. I’m better at some than others, but there are definitely times where I feel the need to call in a professional. Tarot? I can usually figure out what is going on for myself in the day to day. I’ve grown more confident about my reading ability over the last year, and as long as I have some variant of Rider-Waite in front of me, I can usually nail it. I’m definitely not as at ease with the Thoth deck. It’s still darker and more mysterious. Over the last year, it’s ceased to have the kind of energy I need. I know I’ll come back to it, but for now we’re taking a break. It’s nice not to need it. I think that when Thoth is the only deck you use, it can really sort of monopolize your energy in a way. It’s a dark, dense, meaty, layered, rich, complex and enticing deck. It sort of draws you in to its web in a visceral way, yet remains aloofly detached or vaguely annoyed with you.

I’ve not done well with Thoth, and I can’t seem to get a good read for house-related stuff.

I’m thinking about moving into a really great and unexpected new phase. I’m just excited about the future! I needed to consult a professional!

I got a reading done by my local awesome tarot lady (I’d say who and where, but I like my little bits of anonymity), just to see what our house situation looked like. It’s very, very, very good! We found a beautiful place that we really liked in a great neighborhood near the lake. Yay! Water! Hell fucks yeah! It’s the right size, price, condition, style, neighborhood, and right everything! It’s really fun but not too weird. Very clean, but very warm. Not too big, but not too small. I’ve been feeling the need to open my home more socially. I have a dreadful and very real phobia of entertaining. Seriously. I’ve always wanted to learn to cook well and plan parties, but I am so freaked out by actually trying to do it. I just get too nervous and get a lot of serious anxiety over it. It’s weird because I like eating and I like going to parties.

And what costume shall the poor girl wear
To all tomorrow’s parties
A hand-me-down dress from who knows where
To all tomorrow’s parties

I also wanted to be able to open my home to family more. Our rental situation hasn’t really allowed for that, and I miss it. I want to have a deck to hang out on during the summer. We love sitting and hanging out on the deck like old people. It’s fucking rad!

This house seems designed to give us all these things. There is just something that is very warm, open and inviting about it, yet it’s also very clean and tranquil. I think we could be very happy there.

Well… reading says I was very right! We need to have parties. The more we open our home, the more money will flow in. If things get tight, we need to have a get-together. I need to limit my interactions with work friends though. Some of them. I’d been promising my office that I’d have them over for a wine night as soon as we were settled. I don’t need my magick, religion, or smoking habits to be broadcast to my co-workers, but I also don’t want to hide them in my own home either.

Reading says that things will go well… and so far they have! Despite a few initial bumps in the road, of course. We’re already past those, thankfully.

My pro reader said we’d be spending a lot of time outside on our decks… Which is totally true. We’ve only enjoyed the decks around our current home when the in-law-land-lords aren’t around. We jokingly refer to ourselves as something that Randall decided to “take back” in the cinematic gem Clerks 2. We’ve been looking forward to all of the lovely and new decks that New House has!

Really, overall… it all looks good. Every intuition that I’ve had about the place has been spot-on.

We need to do a little bit of protection work too, as we move in. Simple stuff. Our home will be a very happy and inviting place, but there is a slight chance it could evoke some jealousy. I already saw that coming. I have friends in the same neighborhood who are strapped for cash due to over-buying.I also have friends who have gone through divorces and who’ve had to sell their homes in the same neighborhood. I have family members who want to buy, but aren’t fully grasping the reality of making a real-estate purchase. I come from a clan of charismatic visionaries, storytellers, and creative thinkers who have little use for my natural pragmatism. I don’t know how born Erisian can be so gods-be-damned practical over such MunDanish things, but I assume it’s for my own good. My pragmatic side is what can trip up my balance of Order/Chaos. The Creativity has the VISION, but the Pragmatism does the work to make the VISION as feasible as possible. I’ve made this happen through lots of set-backs and hard work, and I refuse to let prying eyes ruin that experience.

My Reader suggested salting our doorways and mixing some basil into our floor-wax. I told her that I was going to stock-up at Lucky Mojo, and she laughed at me telling me that I didn’t need to spend my money on anything fancy. Table salt and a Hand of Fatima somewhere near the front door was just fine. I told her that since I rather liked fancy, I would probably mix things up a bit.

She really just saw the things I’ve been seeing myself, albeit more clear.

She saw that the neighborhood would be a very good one for us, and that she herself was surprised at the amount of cool, progressive, interesting neighbors we’d have. They’re not all families and old people! There are people more like… well… us!

Of course I wasn’t suprised by any of this. I felt it in my guts. Also, one of my best friends from elementary school who was my childhood neighbor for many years also lives in the same neighborhood. We’ve reconnected on the Das Facen Spacen (facebook), and have found that in adulthood, we have very much in common from our lifestyles (they have kids, but are still very cool people) and career backgrounds (she’s in PR, I’m in design/sales) to our politics (I wear my bleeding heart on my sleeve). She also told me that over the last year or two, many interesting and decidedly more artsy people had moved into the neighborhood, and that she was pretty stoked to find out that we’d found a place there. I am too. It just feels right.

Initially, I thought we wouldn’t really use the lake or the many parks around it. Reader says we really should. I don’t disagree. We are paying for these amenities… Why not use them?

As an aside, My husband is a punk who hates public places where people are cavorting in the spirit of recreation and leisure.

I’m getting his ass a nice camera so he can go take pictures of cool shit in the graveyard so he won’t come off as so strange and artsy and freaky to others. If it’s done under the guise of photography, people often let the weirdness slide since they can see something tangible coming from it.

So… we are moving! This is good, right, and will happen.

Another thing… We have sort of a helpful house elf/spirit who is helping us through the process. I didn’t pick up on him until she told me. She’d never seen anything quite like him. He is sort of a Happy House Spirit who wants offerings of tobacco and beer. She suggested to “feed” him these things whenever it felt right to do so, or if we were needing house repairs or money.

I meditated on it, and got more details. He’s a weird little guy, but very cool. His name is… get this shit… Lucky O’Shallahan. He sees himself as a green elephant in a plaid nehru jacket wearing vintage 50’s black-framed glasses and a red fez. He smokes cigars and drinks martinis and whiskey sours with a Don Draper sort of charm. This is what Lucky wants to be. This is what he projects. Apparently, we’ll help him get there. For now, he looks like a  two foot call, fat, happy, laughing bald Buddha statue wearing a fez. He loves cigars, cloves, and beer! He’s asking for a little spot outside on our deck to hang out.

Lucky O’Shallahan… Welcome, buddy! Whatever you’re into, I’m into it. Window sills are to be salted, and we’re evil-eye proofing as we speak.

This is cool. I’m pretty excited. Upward and onward.

I have about five hours until my pain medicine wears off, and I have quite a bit of packing to do between now and then. 🙂