Wherever You Go, There You Are? Well… Like… DUH!

Wherever You Go, There You Are? Well… Like… DUH!

Divine sparks… It’s subtle. I’m taking my time to heal. I thought the purge was done, but it’s just growing ever more closer to dormant for now. It’s going to go out like a bang. I had a very rough week last week. Again, I wasn’t well protected enough. I was tired, sensitive, and raw like an exposed nerve. I visited a professional a few weeks ago… Red is a and pretty kickass lady and high-priestessy sort of gal. Wise, but down to earth. She’ll tell it like it is. I sugar coat readings for others. I drip on the Polly-Annaism thick like molasses.

Not Red… She’ll point out things she never could have known.

When she told me that it sounded weird to her, but someone likes it when I go to the cemetary and put flowers in the dirt. I had to laugh. I ceased doing Persephone rituals right before we moved. It was right after I experienced my first complete Kundalini rising, right after I met Kali at the end of the black and blue tunnel. It was right after I broke down completely. I stopped doing any lunar work at all. One of my rituals for Persephone involved leaving flowers, beads, marbles, or other offerings at random areas in the old pioneer cemetary at the top of our old street. It’s something my husband did as a young goth kid, and something we still did together. It started with us leaving a cheap ceramic lawn gnome in a strange place, and it’s grown from there. I’d usually leave an offering to her the next Sunday after my Full Moon Ritual. I stopped doing those a while ago too.

I decided to start the offering back up again… Not to Persephone. Our time together is done. Our chords are severed. I have nothing left to give to the Underworld. It’s one path of many, and I have choices. I choose to move in a higher, more loving, and healing direction. I want to work with gods who will help me continue to grow and help me become more enlightened. I feel a lot more peace with my spiritual path, even in the dark or silent times.

It’s been really quiet here with no Erisian chatter buzzing in my ear. Oh… Our Lady of Chaos will return again soon. For now, I seek order and stability in my environment through Ganesha, Lakshmi, and Parvati. There has been great radio silence, but it’s been a blessing really. More is coming.

My health is still not good, but I am doing the best I can. Slowly I am healing, but it may take more time. Stress and medications I’ve taken and new food intolerances is the cause of all this terrible trouble.

My sex life is still way better. Wow. Way better. Fixing my busted root chakra was just what I needed, apparently.

Work is… stressful. A time of great change and upheaval. It will calm down in June. It’s not me, it’s everyone around me.

I don’t have spiritual work to do right now. Not the time for magick or tarot even. Just putting our large Ganesh altar in our bedroom and getting the lighting right was enough for me for now. I am going to make a distinction between elaborate story altars from my every day devotional ones. Devotional altars are important, but I think if I am working through a current, I need that more lucid and creative ritual form of Altar Craft. I don’t need to change all of my altars, just the one that I’m using to explore the particular current I’m surfing. I can keep simpler more subtle home altars that way. I’m very tricky like that.

For now, I am in the middle of treating the large Swiss printed Thoth deck that I trimmed to a little glitter nail polish treatment a’ la my friend Submerina. I’m going to call it… DISCO THOTH!

I’m going to have to go visit someone soon… In June. For now, I’m in a holding pattern. Not bad, but it could be better.

My new home is beautiful, comfortable, and almost feels like home. It’s not perfect, but we’re working on it.

So I heal, I relax, and I wait… I don’t know what comes next, but I’m working on reinforcements. I need all the protection I can get.



And now I’m down to nothing.

Drained. Tired. Stuck.

The airwaves are almost completely dead.

The weed stopped working.

It was too much too soon, and I’m just really tired. The dust is settling, and all I want to do is rest. I just want to sleep.

We finally got moved in over the last weekend, and I busted my ass. My altars haven’t gone back up yet, and my statuary is strewn all over the place. Our cat usually vain and ornery cat has been clingy and depressed since the move.

The ride ain’t over yet, kids. I’m sort of in a resting and holding pattern. I know when to hold them, fold them, walk away, run, and when to consult a tarot professional. I did just that the other day. Pretty much confirmed what I already knew. I thought my Kali purge was over, but I think it’s just calmed down a bit.

I’ll be able to chill for a bit. Things will be calm. I’m going low and slow with my practice. Kwan-Yin and White Tara. A little Ganesha. Loving, calm, healing, and inviting energy.

I’ve got some things I need to do, but I’ll get a brief reprieve. I’ve earned it, I think.

No shiny pink bubbles. No patterns. No Eris. No rabbit-holes. No currents.

Just peace, love, and granola for a bit.

Orpheus Melted The Heart of Persephone, But All I Got Was A Crappy T-Shirt!

Orpheus Melted The Heart of Persephone, But All I Got Was A Crappy T-Shirt!

Radio silence… Finally.


I am sofaking exhausted by all of this.

I was here for a bit…

Fuck man. Rollin’ in the deep with Kali and Durga Ma and Persephone simultaneously is some pretty intense shit for me. Whoa. Fuck man. Whoa.

and now I’m here…


I’m not goin’ down to Ladytown or anything, but Zooey Deschanel? I’d hit it.

My altars are totally packed up. Done. I probably should have done that all along.

As I’m reining these things in, I remember… Temperance is my goal. Balanced commingling and continual movement of elements. It’s a dance. It’s tricky. It’s the small subtle movements that make Temperance’s dance simultaneous of control and liquid movement possible.

Temperance… Still getting there. It’s getting better.

Apparently, when it comes to my spiritual path and my sex life… I happen to like it rough.

Awwwwwwwwwww-yah mutha-fuckah!

Ugh. Enough from me for now. I’m going to keep it quiet for a bit. I can live with this.

I need to get back to tarot, and rebuild things from the beginning. Creation and destruction… Bah.

Freedom of Religion, Respect, Tolerance, & Beyond?

Freedom of Religion, Respect, Tolerance, & Beyond?

The First Amendment of the U.S. Constitution: "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances."


Some people prefer a more orthodox, dogma-driven, “Religion of the Book” to a more experiential, ecstatic, mystical, creatively expressive, emotionally-driven, eclectic, Erisian, entheogenic, unorthodox path.

Friends of other paths, religions, philosophies, folkways, beliefs, deities, and cosmologies…

There is room for all of us.

No single one of us has got it completely right. All that matters is that we do our best with the life we’re given. Even if you don’t believe in other lives, you’ve got to agree that your life right here, right now, is sort of your primary focus. Whether you believe it’s the works you do in life or the god you follow is what gets you to the Next Destination, or whether you believe life is the only destination there is… There is room for all of us. Do what works for the person you are, in this life. That’s all you can do.

My colleague Sweet-Dude(!) mine is someone whom I’d refer to as a “modern mormon”. His vocabulary is marked with enthusiastic exclamations shouting “Sweet!” “Hells yeah!” “AWE-some” and “Dude”. Most of us love the guy. Sure, he’s pretty traditional in his way, but he’s progressive in others. He’s said before  “I don’t really care what other people believe. People need to do what’s right for them. As long as you’re good person or at least you try to be, you’ll end up in a good place. Whatever that place is.” I expected him to be more rigid in his beliefs, knowing that he is very traditional in a lot of aspects. He gets irritated when people ask him how his “wives” are doing, or that it’s “hot” that he could add another lady to the mix. The “magic underwear” stuff irritates him too. It was refreshing to hear that he and I were more or less on the same page. He’s involved in his church and community, and goes out of his way to make others feel supported and welcome. I’ve never met a youngish mormon who wasn’t a genuinely  nice person who respected my beliefs, yet still had a sincere desire to help me and be my friend despite those differences. Sweet-Dude(!) is no exception.

I embrace the fact that even though my path is very different from his, we are lucky to live in a time and place where we can gladly work side by side as colleagues and friends, and are able to express and practice our vastly different spiritual beliefs however we choose.

There is room for us all, and we are lucky to be right where we are now.

Those of us who live in the West, we’re blessed to come together in this time and place.

We have a multitude of spiritual options awaiting us. If what you’ve been doing doesn’t fulfill you, if you look around a bit, surely something else will kindle that Divine Spark. The options and possibilities are essentially endless.

We live in a time of great opportunity. Others have toiled and suffered for us to have this freedom.

We have religious freedom, and the opportunity to choose for ourselves. This is a beautiful thing. It wasn’t always this way.

I may be one of those “yeah, I’m totally not religious but I’m like… you know… spiritual…?” in an upspeaky kind of voice.

I adamantly believe in preserving the separation between church and state. Others may disagree with me on that, but I’ll assume they practice a religion that’s more than just a bit arrogant. I try to embrace Christianity as best I can, as I know and love a great many Christians. Some sects are so dogmatic and closed-minded that it smacks of arrogance. So, your god is the only god, because it says so in a book written by some scholars hundreds of years after the action supposedly happened? Naw. Not for me.

I prefer a direct connection with my gods… It’s a bright divine bolt from the blue that warmly burbles in my belly like boiling cinnamon tea. My head swims swirly with all kinds of crazy strings of light. My chakras go crazy. I experience clairaudience. I experience very strong psychic flashes. I invoke the god that’s calling. I balance it out by doing some ritual work. It calms things down. Then I think about it. I write about it. I have a snack. I have a smoke. I have some sex. I contemplate it, and then I unravel the tightly woven mysteries wrapped up therein. The answer is seldom direct or simple, although lately the they come to me more quickly. It doesn’t take weeks of research and study to work out the message. It’s clear, concise, brief, and it’s just snaps. This is a result of my WTF KALI PURGE ’11.


I got to choose. Yes, my gods chose my initially, but I am totally rolling with this Shakti/Durga/Parvati current, and it’s slender ribbons of gold and pink Kwan-Yin influence wrapped around it, illuminated by White Tara. I am not arrogant. I walk a darker path led by Kali. This is not for everyone. Sometimes I ask if I am strong enough to keep going, but I always manage. No… You get what you ask for, but sometimes I ask if the price was worth it. The nice thing is that it always reveals something very empowering or healing about myself. This last purge showed me that through submission in some areas, I am actually more stronger and in control of others. Durga/Parvatu is more WANDS than any other god I’ve worked with before… Her different aspects feel at home within me. It’s a good place to be. I’ve earned it.

I watched Fall From Grace (a documentary about Fred Phelps and his family) a few nights ago. You know… The asshats who picket fallen soldiers funerals, and gleefully wield fluorescent-coloured “GOD HATES FAGS” signs?

They are also free to practice their religion. So are Scientologists.

I’m not a fan of either of these groups. I feel that both have a possible cult mentality, and it seems potentially harmful and manipulative to it’s members. I don’t respect that. If people are brainwashed, threatened harm, or controlled through a charismatic leader… I don’t agree with that. That is a good example of arrogance, power, and man’s inhumanity to man.

If anything, I have a strong sense of business, personal, and spiritual ethics. Pushing your beliefs on others is wrong. Expressing complete and utter arrogance regarding your own beliefs, paired with willful ignorance of other beliefs is wrong. Treating others unkindly in an intentional manner is wrong. Exerting power and control over others in a manner where you are the only one benefitting is pretty damn wrong to. In my opinion. In my spiritual path.

Sure, I embrace and respect most other paths. Some I tolerate. Some I don’t care for. I’m entitled to my opinion, and you are to yours. That’s another nice thing about respect, tolerance, love, and freedom. It’s okay to disagree. But the Phelps? Come the fuck on, that is all kinds of WRONG!

I am blessed to be free to practice my religion. It’s a path of discovery, and I have all the wiggle room I need to weave and unravel the mysteries.

I hope that you are blessed too, wherever you are…

Religion, philosophical beliefs about or against religion, or whatever your thing is…

Do it. Believe it. Celebrate it. Love it. Don’t be an asshat to other people. Don’t harm unconsenting others. Be respectful. Be tolerant. Be polite. Be progressive. Be open-minded. Embrace the differences, and celebrate them.

Or don’t… but…

You’ll have all my most beautiful and brightest blessings if you respect my right to do just that.

That’s Miss Jackson, if you namaste!

MY GREAT BIG KALI PURGE of 2011… More Bhang for Your $$Buck$$?

MY GREAT BIG KALI PURGE of 2011… More Bhang for Your $$Buck$$?

Slidin' down the bunneh chute!

I had another rabbit-hole experience. I went loopy-loop-de-loop-de-splat.

It was pretty big, and it happened very suddenly and very quick.

Ever had all of your chakras spring open at once, and felt kundalini energy shoot up the back of your spine and explode into seven snakes coming out of through the back of your head?

That’s kind of what happened. The gist of it? All of this shit I’ve been going through lately has been a particularly intense Kali purge. I’ve had other smaller Kali purges before like my Mini Kali Yuga that I seem to have every November after bidding Persephone adieu for the winter. No, I haven’t had one this big in eleven years, so a lot of overlap from the past has bubbled up along with it.

I was face to face with Kali, which is something I can’t do often. Kali said “You sweated it out. Literally, kid. You sweated it out.” Over and over. To me her voice sounds like a lady version of Mr. Big from Sex & The Shitty City. She doesn’t talk at me often, but she never says this much.

I’ve been feeling better, and this is essentially the end of THE GREAT KALI PURGE of 2011. I am strong, but I’ve taken such a beating in all areas of my life that I need some shiny-happy-fluffy-bunny-shit right about fucking now! I haz a drained, yo!

So… Yesterday.

I was doing a fairly uninspired ritual. I felt like I had to do it, but I’m so spiritually tapped out and exhausted from THE GREAT KALI PURGE of 2011 that I was sort of phoning it in.

I thought to myself… “You’re kind of disconnected from everyone right now. Back this truck mutha-fuck up, and go find something else to do.”

Then I looked on the ground, and I found ANOTHER marble.

It was an antique clear, greenish glass one. Very pretty.

It’s going in my Kali Box for now. Since Special K isn’t keen on me making altars for her, instead I’m putting my tiny Kali statue in the pretty blue brocade lined box where I keep all of my Marbles.

I realize I’ve found other marble type objects as signs. I always get them right when I’m not feeling it. Right when I’m at my low point. Right when it’s not feeling genuine.

It’s a kickass kickstart in the arse.

I revisited my bong, and re-did the ritual. I have some Sour Diesel, and it’s pretty amazing for ritual. I smoke a lot of sativas, and I’m very picky about my strains. I have a laundry list a mile long of the effects I like and don’t like about a particular strain, and SD is the only thing I’m able to obtain regularly that meets my requirements.

I need a strain whose effects can be effectively metered through it’s dosage. I like a light, bubbly, energetic, mood-elevating, pain numbing high that can also be pushed towards more entheogenic uses. SD is great for that if I have enough of it. SD is what helped me break my head open. SD is also great for mundane tasks like cleaning or running errands. It’s also nice for enjoying food and sex. I also like a strain that gives me good day-after-after-effects like increased pain tolerance, more positive mood, and more energy in the morning. SD is my go-to strain, and my local farmacy almost always has it. Most other strains just don’t give me as much bhang for my buck. The drawback is that I build up a tolerance to it’s stronger aspects very quickly. It works so great for everyday, but I really need to reserve it for ritual. I usually keep an eighth or a couple grams of something else on hand.

It’s like when I struggled to find *the* tarot decks. I bought so many decks before I realized that there was no one perfect deck for me. I had to keep juggling them based on my moods. Cannabis is much the same way. I am very receptive to it, and some types are better than others. There is probably one out there I haven’t tried that’s even better than SD. But so far, during ritual, it’s the only one that keeps me high up enough to keep from being sucked into the underworld. Cindy 99 is good for that too, but it’s not easy to find. Trainwreck is probably bound to trump my dear SD if I ever can get my grubby little paws on some.

I’m not doing lunar or underworld work anymore. I’m over it. Done. Finito. Buh-bye! I see how it works, but I can’t really describe why it works that way. I just know that it’s not really serving me anymore. By giving it up and shutting the doors, I’ve opened an infinite number of new windows.

I incorporated my ancestor shrine into my altar as part of the ritual. I’m packing everything up, so I thought it would be best to put all of my current sacred stuff in one box.

Ah… Well… What’s a girl to do?

It wasn’t the best one or the most inspired one I’ve done, but it was nice.

I have to embrace the idea that not all messages or hints dropped from the divine are going to be like burning blasts of lightening that either scare me half to death or torrents of change and transformation that rip my body, psyche and ego to shreads.

No. Sometimes it’s amazingly simple. A marble is enough for me right now. The marble says… Relax. You’ve earned the right to do so.”

Marbles are small bubbles, but they are bubbles just the same. Hope. That’s enough for me for now.

More bhang for your bubble.