I never did structured rituals in any way until last year, unless it was a magick-related task. “Got the candles? Check. Fancy-pants smelling oils from Ye Olde Wicca Shoppe? Check. A problem? Yup. A playlist that will make that awesome display of WILL with a capital W come blasting out? Done. LET’S DO THIS DAMN THING! LET’S GIT ER’ DONE! HOOOOAHHHHH!”. That’s nice, and well and good. It’s fun to play with fire, and I’d advocate candle magick as a nice blast to the GUNG-HO WILL-DRIVEN AWESOMENESS of the SACRAL CHAKRA! WAHHHHHHHHH!!!! FIRE GOOOD! Enjoyable? Most certainly. Fire magick taxes me a great deal. To make what you already naturally have in Leonine and Wandy abundance burn that much brighter can have ill-received results. Yes, it usually works pretty well for me. I mean… I even bought a sweet-ass Ganesha zippo at the head shop, just for such purposes. It breaks all the time though. Maybe I should have just cut the shit and gotten the Bob Marley on instead? Hmmmmmpppphhhh. I keed… I keed… I mean, yes I do like me some Sir Robert of Marley on occasion, but I have to watch reruns of the Bong Show too many times for that to happen. Too much fire on fire leads to energy and adrenal overload. I seriously crash, and generally get rather ill. Nausea, exhaustion, unable to focus. The shift from Altered States of Awesomeness back to MunDanish is brutal.
“I’m just a lone bottle, I float with the notion
That there’s some meaning in this bottled ocean.
My tide will come in if you’ll hear a knocking,
Above all the roar of this meaningless talking.
Attempts to invent a whole new way to fight
Will fall through the honey, and the power, and light…“
Make it work.
I’m glad I’ve decided to give my treatment of The Diet Demon a bit more in-depth approach. Things didn’t get this way overnight, and I can’t expect them to correct themselves overnight either. I might want to use the time around the full moon to check in on things. I feel like I am making good progress (I haven’t gained back everything I lost three years ago. That’s progress, isn’t it?). I turned down Cadbury eggs yesterday. Small things are good. Self-Sabotage doesn’t stand a chance if I keep kicking it’s ass (With Kindness, as Kafka’s Ghost reminded me. Kindness.) I came across a nice little 5-card spread online at some point in time, and though I’d give it a try. Why not? PROGRESS, BITCHES. Progress.
Cardwise, I am really off today. Struggling to read, even though I am getting good stuff. Eh… well… it happens.
This spread has no name… I am re-naming it… No Weigh!
I don’t know if my Amazing Adventures in Shaman-Land are worth sharing, but as a process I know I’ve found it to be an integral part of my practice. That being said… it’s not really that hard for me. I just need to trick my mind into getting into an Altered State of Awesomeness, whether through guided or regular meditation, pathworking, or… well… herbal enhancements. Whatever flips the switch, I’ll try it. Meditation is a difficult way to do it. It takes a lot to empty my mind to the point where the process just sort of happens. I don’t like to force it. I don’t tend to get any good stuff that way. I like to let things unravel. What up, Gods n’ Guides… Suprise me! I can listen to a guided meditation a couple of times before it stops working. I can listen to Tibetan singing bowls, or Astral Crystal Rainstorm Bells of Nature or some shit like that, and sometimes the switch is flipped, and I snap into Trance Pants mode. There is a 25% chance I’ll get some of the Good Gods n’ Guides stuff. There is a 25% chance that I will not be able to shut off my mind and flow with the waters. 50% of the time? I fall dead asleep. It’s not that great of process, and I’ve felt rested but ultimately disappointed many times. I’ve had such profound events occur in Snappy Trance states that I can’t help but hope.
So… Miss Eris vs. The Diet Demon of Hickery-Dickery-DOOM…
A bit of background before we delve into the madness?
I am on my third and final attempt at HCG Protocol… a.k.a. The Diet of Doom. Controversial? Yes. Effective? It seems to be. People say they’re not hungry, it’s awesome, blah-de-blah-blah-blah. Yes, it works but the past has shown that my body doesn’t take well to it without a mega-dose of big pharma’s Diet-Pill Funpack. Gods, I’d kill for some phentermine or boot-legged ephedra, but they’re just a quick (and highly effective) fix. It works, but it take a Herculean effort on my part. The hunger is the worst part for me. It’s a knawing, unending, unnerving, constant, stupifying hunger. Usually after a couple of days, most people do just peachy. They lose quickly, and keep it off. I’ve seen miracles happen on this shit. Other people? Totally touched by the Diet Angels of Weightloss, Sweetness & Light. Me? I dance with the Devil. In Georgia. Wearing blue Prada dresses. Bastards. I don’t do well on the Rx HCG, so I am opting for homeopathic. What the hell? Let’s make like a Nike Wand, and JUST DO IT.I just don’t give a fuck anymore. I just need it to work. I need to get through it, and not give up. One last hurrah! Part of me thinks that this isn’t the right way to go blazing into battle, while another part of me thinks it’s the only option I have. Yeah, I could go low and slow, but I will play Self-Saboteur. I know this about me. I need an Ace of Wands to start this shit off with a BANG!
So… Cardy-Card-Cards… Can I make it through this time? Successfully?
Strangely enough…This is a tarot blog. Primarily… aside from my Awesome Erisian Fuckery…
Are you down with the AEF? I kick ass with my right foot, and take names with my left!
I haven’t posted Quick n’ Dirty Daily Draw in a while… Perhaps I’ve transcended beyond the Quick n’ Dirty, and want to class up the joint a bit. Posh & Classy Weekly Draw? Naw… I’m not feelin’ it today. You know what I am feeling?
Hungry. I am godsdamn hungry. Hungry for knowledge? No. Hungry for snacks.
I am going to do some reads on a long term issue of mine. It will take more than one.
Today, I did something a little different than usual. We got my mom, sister, niece, and aunt together and did a Tarot Day. We met up at my aunt’s house, and I brought a bunch of cool decks for everyone to look at, and took turns doing readings for people. Later on, we did a little bit of stuff with everyone’s personality card, etc. We kept it loose, and I probably could have gone with a more formal format (Hooray for charts!).
All in all, it was a fairly nice day.
I am exhausted. Back-to-back-to-back readings for that many different people is a challenge, but I was pretty good until the end. My mom just got a Verizon Droid, and the damn thing kept adding its two-cents worth at random intervals for no apparent reason. “DROID. DROID. DROID. DROID.” Most annoying phone ever. It will just robotically chime in with it’s own name, whenever and wherever it feels like. This does not add to the Tarot Day experience. DROID. DROID. DROID. DROID.
Good questions. Good readings. I abandoned my assortment of decks about half way through and just read with my pocket Universal Waite. It seems to serve me best with public readings. I got fairly accurate results using the Spiral for pets. Okay, perhaps I should rephrase… I read with the Spiral on my mom’s and aunt’s dogs. For a cat? Dude… Seriously. White Cats all the way! Not that I’d ever read for my cat and admit to it. I may be an Erisian with a Pinch of Witchy Goodness, but doing a reading for a feline is where I draw the line! Results wise, the only time the querent’s answers didn’t Snap-Crackle-Pop with some Shakin’ Like Bacon was with my aunt.
Querents… I beseech you. Be direct about the question you’re asking. Don’t say “Should I take a trip by myself?” when what you really mean is “Should I take this trip by myself I’ve been planning because I’m thinking about the future of the relationship I hav with my SO and I am using it as time to think things through and see if I should keep doing this?”. A good reader will know if there is more to it than that. Please don’t be surprised if we ask you. “Huh… this doesn’t fit. What aren’t you telling me? What is the purpose of this trip”? That kind of thing often floors me. I most often get stuck on reading for others when I can tell that there is a block. I’m not being told all I need to know to get an accurate snapshot of where things are headed. Give me the Polaroid version of what’s surrounding the issue. I don’t need an in-depth dossier. Just a little glimpse is fine. I will see that there is stuff you’re not telling me, so save us both the time and frustration.
I am less effective of a reader when people are trying to play games. I hate reading for people that see it as some kind of a “challenge” to see what I can see without them telling me. I don’t believe that was happening here, but I’ve run into that before. Generally with skeptics. My energy levels are a bit finicky. I really don’t read well when people are closey-offy. If you want my help… Be genuine, be thoughtful, be as open to the process as you can be. If you can’t do those things, I don’t have the energy to help you.
Still… I am thoroughly done. Stick a fork in me? GO FORK YOURSELF!
I’m very drained. I can really only read for a couple of hours. I had them take turns. I’d hit one question. Then another persons. Then another. Round robin style. It seemed to work well. I bought my niece a copy of the Magical Forest and the Mini White Cats, but she seemed mostly enamored of my Hello Kitty deck and my Kaleidoscope Tarot. I read for her too… The kid is pretty fun to read for. We pull the same stuff every time.
I am on the edge of exhaustion where my mind feels like it could easily slip into a nap-coma. I feel floaty, like my head is still stuck in psychic space, but the rest of me is running on reserves. I just want to put on some Tibetan singing bowl music, smoke a Tibetan singing bowl, curl up, and take a sweet nap. But… I am not going to play with bowls this weekend, Tibetan or otherwise. I am mentally drained, but not physically. Physically, I feel very relaxed. Tibet? Keep your bowls! I need them not!
Today was a good way to push myself. I’m certainly not ready to read at a public fair or in a bigger setting. Three or four people is my limit for know. One thing I learned? I am much better with romantic relationship questions than I thought. I never read on my marriage. I read Uncle Auntie Christ like a book. The cards tell me nothing. Besides, he is a tricky bastard who seems to cloak himself to psychic radar (seriously… will hafta post on that). I am consistent ace career/money questions. The mundane stuff? In. The. Bag.
Are you down with Q of P? Yeah. You know me… or the non-wandy part of me, anyways.
Still… I know my limits in reading for others. Highly emotionally charged questions or healing isn’t easy for me. It’s not easy for myself. Still, it’s nice to see where I do my best work, and what I need to work on. It’s different when you read for yourself. Trying what works in a group setting is a big challenge for me, and I am glad to see I am overcoming what I once found as impossible.
I didn’t remind my mom when she said “Eris started collecting decks in High School… Didn’t you, Eris?”
Apparently she doesn’t remember the knock-down drag out we’d had when I asked to get one, and she thought they were smothered in Satanic Semen Sauce or something. Ewwwwwww…
It’s better not to dwell on these things, and just flip the cards to reassure the maternal unit that she might want to make sure to go through with her beloved golden retreiver’s cancer surgery, because the little goggie will be fine.
DROID. DROID. DROID. DROID.
DIE. DIE. DIE. DIE. DIE.