The Penis Mightier Than The Sword?

The Penis Mightier Than The Sword?

Weirdness has been afoot with me lately. It’s not all mystical fuckery, but I’m more than a little bit confused. Most of my problems are immediate in nature. The Bigger Issues don’t bother me much in that I don’t dwell on them for long. I accept that I won’t get answers or resolution to those questions now, and I am completely at peace with the process. Score one for me! I’m beginning to feel that making myself more of a vessel in the Process of Unravelling This Mysterious Foggy Path Up Spooky Mountain is making me a bit of a target.

Something Biggity Bad seems to be fucking with me, and I do not like it.

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Summer Solsticin’ It, Old School Style, Yo

Summer Solsticin’ It, Old School Style, Yo

So, erm… Happy solstice and shit, bitches!

Midsummer, Litha, Solstice… whatever you want to call it. I would probably just as happily call it Fred. I don’t always celebrate the spokes on Ye Olde Wheel De Los Yearos… Or did I mean gyros?

I’ve had a gyro before, and I can’t remember if I enjoyed it or not. I’ll take a guess and say it was alright, but it didn’t wow me, you know?

I get more into redoing my altars than I do the actual celebration part. This is the telltale sign of a noob who hasn’t been making altars for very long. The enthusigasm is infectious, no? No. You’re right, it’s really not. Nothing says Paganoob™ more than constant altar mixing n’ matching, and the horridly incessant glee over doing so. I’ve been Pagan for a long time, but it’s really only been in the last three years that I’ve gotten past the Philosophuckery No Fly Zone. Up until that point, I was here, and now after a bit of a sea change and exploration further upshore, I am now HERE! Ideally I’d like to get THERE(!!!!!) so I can get IT(!!!!!!!!). I don’t think anyone really gets It, so why not relax and…

Shit. That was weird.

My crown chakra is going ninja-monkey-ass crazy right now. No idea why that’s happening. None at all.

I’m sure it’s all Richard Simmons’ fault. He is the Anti-Crunk.

I don’t get it either… Bastards. I see what you did there, Big Divine. I don’t think we’re ready to get It, unless It is an iPhone, in which case I’ll be getting mine in just a few short weeks. Yay me! Good jobs, Steve!

I put together just a little something for the solstice, including a further “Getting To Know You” with Tarot Nusantara, whom I shall be calling Nutsy Tara. She’s warmed up a bit, after being kind of a pain in the ass. It’s just very anxious to give you a quick answer with no context. “BAM! There it is, now leave me alone you wanker.” It has an energy unlike any deck I’ve ever used. The cards are a bit bendy like they’ve been lovingly shuffled many times, which usually bothers me. With Nutsy Tara, it’s not an issue. The cards have a snap to them, and a bit of a bite! They seem to come flying out of the deck, or are bent just enough so they jump right out of it. I’ve never had a deck that bouncy or impatient! It seems to be quite frank with me. It pulls no punches, and has deadly swordy accuracy. It has all of Thoth’s energy, and none of its darkly perverse humor. “BAM! Here it is! You’re welcome, bitch!” is its battle cry. I am not going to mess with this deck. I didn’t expect it to be such a ball-busting badass with me. None of this is bad… Sometimes you need to hear it how it is, regardless of how you think it should be. Nutsy Tara represents! I bet she has prison tattoos… Sugar coating? This ain’t no damn Illuminated! Earthy? Nope. The World Spirit Deck is not home. Quirky? Well… Maybe Nutsy T has a quirky side, but I have yet to meet it. Stylish? It’s got a lot better fashion sense than even the Vanessa Tarot, but with a punk rock past I am certain. Energetic? It trumps Thoth! Snappy? Girl, you know it!

I have to be nice to it. I have a feeling that it will give me papercuts if I don’t.
It seemed a lot more comfortable with me yesterday, a bit softer. It’s weird… I’ve never had a deck this challenging that I liked so much. I just want it to like me! Yesterday, it seemed a lot friendlier. Maybe we should talk? Yes. Lets.

So… Nusty Tara… How are you feeling about working with me now that you’ve had some time to settle in?
Glad to see you’re feeling better about being here. That’s quite a dramatic change. I’d almost say that you might enjoy working with me, or you’ve left the past behind and are ready to move forward in the most positive way. I think you do like me… it was just a bit rough on you initially. We don’t even speak the same language, really.
When should I turn to you for help?
The Hanged Man
When I’m contemplating something, but it’s not an emergency or an immediate crisis. Issues that I’ve been pondering or musing about, but not anything too serious. The more philosophical questions leisurely people have the time to ask. You’ve been impatient with me before, but perhaps I was the one being impatient with you. Maybe you’re just a sensitive deck.

How can we best work together?
2 of Cups / 4 of Wands
Ahhhhhh… As partners. We each bring something to the card table, don’t we? I know that you’re deadly accurate, but as we learn to work together, I believe our shared strengths will make our readings together kick some ass. Right now, we’re in the getting to know you stage. Sparks are flying aren’t they? I think you needed a bit of a welcoming ceremony to ease you into things, and unlike the 4 of Wands, I did not do a very good job. You like a bit of ceremony and ritual, I think? Well, no problem! Any excuse to re-do my altars… again…

What’s changed between now and before?
The Hierophant / 7 of Wands
I got it… You were feeling disorganized and confused by everything, and it put you on the defensive. The Hierophant enjoys elaborate rituals for the sake of the ceremony involved. I am starting to see that you seem to be at your best when used in this way, either as part of a pre-ritual divination or as part of the ritual itself. You’re not just a pretty and colorful deck with lovely art! You’re a bit swordy when out of your element! You’re… sort of mirroring some of my own personality traits! I get seriously wigged when people bombard me in a really intense way in a social setting. I think I came on too strong. I’m glad we got this sorted out.

What should I be careful about when we work together?
10 of Wands
Uh… yeah. Seriously. You’re the most energetic deck I’ve ever used. We’ve both got to take care when working together. Your readings are meanspirited when you’re overwhelmed or tired. My readings suck ass when I am energetically drained. Probably best to keep Temperance in mind, eh?

Are there any areas you particularly like to answer on for divination?
The Emperor/ The Moon / Ace of Pents / 8 of Pents
Okay… I got it. Bosses. Baby-daddies. Work. Money. Finances. Home. Traditional structures. Yet… you roll with the mysteries too. The moon particularly stands out here. I see it as the deeper part of what you can offer as a deck. There is simply more here than the MunDanish stuff I suspect you’d answer quite aptly. There is more mysterious and shadowy layer. A veil?
Am I right, or am I on crack?
9 of Cups
“Whatever you wish.”
Nice one, Nutsy Tara… I think I’ll take that as cue to shuffle off. You’re alright kid, you’re alright!
So… erm… Happy Solstice! Have a gyro!
Fuck… Have two!
It’s for god and country, bitches! Or… god(s) and the municipality of your choice, regardless of where reside.
I choose Amsterdam! FOR AMSTERDAM!
Hail Eris, full of gold booty-shorts… Golf and badminton aren’t really sports!
Durga Ma Said Knock You Out

Durga Ma Said Knock You Out

I'm gonna knock you out! (HUUUH!!!) Durga Ma said knock you out! (HUUUH!!!)

Yesterday I had one of the most difficult experiences in my magickal career to date.

It was also one of the most amazing experiences in that same magickal career.

I’ve been shifting my consciousness and harnessing my energy to focus my will for the purpose of evoking specific changes in myself… and sometimes in the world for many years. Well over a decade. I’m no professional. I’m little better than an over-enthusiastic third grader who gets excited during Shark Week, only to get bored about a half an hour in at the sign of the first Great White.

The fish, not the band.

I wonder whatever happened to those guys? They were up there on my Hair Metal Top Kickassawesome Ten list in eighth grade. I’m glad I wised-up fast, and replaced my Skid Row poster with a Pearl Jam one.

I don’t know why, but… I kind of hate Pearl Jam.

Oh. Yeah. Magicks! I certainly don’t hate those, and tend to find them rather useful. I know… You’re a rational person for a charmingly insane Erisian imbecile, certainly you don’t believe in magick! Well, you’d be wrong about that, dear sir or madam! I wouldn’t believe in it if it didn’t work. It does work, therefore I do it. How do you know it works? How does it work? Fuck man, I don’t know. I’m not going to struggle with the big answers. Not today…

Yesterday I did a small working before bed. My weekly draw this week from the Jolanda deck was The Queen of Wands and The Magician. Holy fuck beans! I know, right? Talk about SUPERCHARGED CREATIVE FIERY POWERS OF AWESOME WILL TIMES PI VS. INFINITY.23! To me, that means power. Fierceness. Confidence. Making things happen. RAWR! I was thinking that it was going to be an amazing week in some way, and that the Queen of Wands (Me) was going to do something great. Yay for me! I also felt a fierce current of protective energy, leonine in nature. Durga? Most definitely. As I’ve kept doing these weekly draws (I skipped writing last week… The Star and Justice were too subtle), I’ve enjoyed two things about the process. The first is seeing how the card(s) will manifest during the week, and the next is doing a little working if the cards hint that it might help.

I don’t bother with it very often, really. Only if something needs particular attention. It’s been nice to use tarot as a focus, but not necessarily have a distinct goal in mind. Rather, I look at the cards and what or where they’ll possibly bring me, and work with whatever that might be. It’s been a weekly practice that I find I enjoy. It’s more meditative and empowering than the work I usually do, since the change I am working to instill or enhance is within me rather than externally. For the Q of W and the Magician? WHOA! Confidence and fire were two things I needed greatly this week. It’s been a tough one for me, and I haven’t felt like myself. I felt the opposite of the Magician, and more swordy than the 3 of Swords at a Swords n’ Sausage Party. Pants optional! Last night I took a little time to regroup, and revisit The Q of W, The Magician and Durga. I ended-up thinking it would be a good time to get to work on an issued that’s been bugging me.

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Yoshimi Battles The Pink Prairie Muffins

Yoshimi Battles The Pink Prairie Muffins

Not exactly a Prairie Muffin... more like a Prairie Scone.

When I rant, I get my 6 of WIN on. For realz, yo. That’s how this post is related to tarot. Do you see what I just did there? WIN! Hello!

I think that the lovely Submerina may have sent this my way at some point in time, I’m sure for the purpose of the gasps and lulz that such a strange and bizarre set of rules would induce for someone with my delicate Erisian temperment… OH FUCK YEAH, GIRL! I just got emailed a coupon for 20% off at Zappos… Jackpot! I don’t know jack about shit, but I do know jack about pot… Uh… for cooking in.  FNORD! FNORD! FNORD! Where was I? Oh. Yes. The Prairie Muffin Manifesto has been circling around teh intartubez for quite a few years now. I don’t often come across things that make me recoil in horror, and ready to strike with my fangs out. Figurative fangs, not literal ones. QUEL HORROR. It’s the opposite of almost everything I believe in, love, or hold dear.
This morning, while perfecting the perfectly tapered batwing on my black liquid eyeliner, I had a thought. I don’t often have profound thoughts while doing so, other than what the fuck I am going to eat for breakfast. (Damn you, Whorebucks! Tempting me with your semi-healthy breakfast offerings!)
My thought? Simple…The Christian fundamentalist, evangelical, submissive wife, (and?) bible-beating, anti-feminist, baby-blasting, “militant fecundity” preaching, patriarchal, homeschooling fuckery peddled by these prairie-prancing party poopers are my arch-nemeses!
Confessions of an Erisian Drifter

Confessions of an Erisian Drifter

Eris (from the Absurd Adventures of Billy & Mandy)... She kind of looks like me, except I have a nicer rack.

I’ve come to realize that I have a very strange relationship with my gods, and I’ve never talked to anyone else with the same sort of… problem. I don’t know if it is a problem, but I hardly need more ammo to make me any weirder than I already am! BOMBS AWAY!

I seem to be a sort of convenient polytheist. I don’t call on gods I don’t know, but oddly enough they call on me. I’ll get some gods dropping hints, getting all synchronistic on me out of nowhere. Hints will be dropped. References popping up randomly when they shouldn’t. Seemingly random occurrences that I’d normally write-off untill they keep happening. I’m sure my skeptical friends could explain this rationally, but what fun would that be? I don’t need rationality when it comes to forging a connection with the Divine Powers The Be All Badass & Shit. If I over-analyze as I’ve done in the past, the process or the connection seems to lose something very precious yet wholly undefinable. The experience is what drives me, I suppose. Those gods… Eventually, They drift in. We’ll work together for a while. I’ll have some very interesting and enlightening results. The timing is almost always uncanny. Yet invariably, they drift away yet again. When we’re done, they seem to fall off the radar. Back to where they came? I don’t know. When the work is done, it’s simply done. I don’t always know it’s done, until I realize that I haven’t “felt” that presence in a while, or that section of Altarville seems stagnant. I don’t mourn it, particularly. I don’t have that kind of relationship with them. When we’re done, we’re done. Sometimes for a while. Sometimes, I wonder… for good? I haven’t been at this for long enough if temporary is really just that. Temporary.

It’s almost like being in permanent seeker mode. When you’re a seeker, much of the journey is spent looking for the answers, the right fit, the right group, the right gods. You go where you’re called, even if you don’t know the destination. One assumes there is one. The difference for me is that there is no destination. Instead of seeking a safe port, I am content to explore the depths from my rickety raft.
So I drift from pantheon to pantheon, idea to idea, seeing where I’ll go. The only constants are tarot and the idea that the long strange trip is really what it’s all about. I know how I perceive deity in terms of theology and cosmology.
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Rollin’ With The Henry the Hierophant

Rollin’ With The Henry the Hierophant

The Magician I married and I just caught Henry Rollins show last week. I always like it when he comes to town. It gets some of our more Hermity, basement-dwelling friends to slither out from their habitats and rejoin humanity for a couple of hours. As always, Mr. Rollins did not disappoint. I’ve never been a huge fan of his music. I prefer my punk rock to have three rather melodic chords and a lot less screaming, hence I’ve always been more of a Ramones and Misfits fan than Black Flag fan. Still, I find Henry to be an absolutely fascinating character, and going to his stand-up/speaking tours has made a bigger fan out of me than any of his music could. He strikes me as being very self-aware and even humble for a Punk Rock God, yet intellectually curious with an infectious enthusiasm that makes him one of the best storytellers I’ve ever had the opportunity to hear. He’s a better storyteller than I am, and I am pretty damn good. It’s an art form. His delivery is flawless, yet hilarious, and always engaging. It was well worth the $25 for the ticket.

Of course, being that I am a tarotista, I had to wonder… Is Henry Rollins’ personality card the Hierophant? His stage personality, and the way he can dominate and captivate a room with a narrative that included trannies, Ann Coulter, and the pre-amble to the South African Constitution… and make it entertaining… Well… Who else could it be? I do see some Magician, but Rollins doesn’t have the sort of cojones needed to be a Magician. He comes off as far too self-deprecating and genuinely nice of a guy. Magicians always have a bit of an arrogant edge. They can be major lingam-heads in that regard. It’s not just about the captivating an audience with Magicians. They are also natural performers… It’s more about "LOOK AT ME! I AM AWESOME! BASK IN MY GLORY AND I SHALL TELL YE WHAT TIME IT IS! IT IS 4:20… PACK ME A FRESH BOWL OF YOUR FINEST HERBOJUANA, AND DO NOT BE STINGY OR I SHALL SMITE THEE WITH MY MIGHTY MAGICK DISCO STICK!!!", where as with Rollins it’s more a nervous "Do you think I am awesome?" (pause) "Oh… You do? Good. I’m really glad you came to the show tonight. YOU ARE AWESOME! That reminds me of this one time at there was this band with this guy and…"

I crunched the numbers, and it turns out that Henry Rollins is a Single 5. Hirophant-pants! No wonder he can come off as a little bit intense, and doesn’t know when to reel it back!

Sure, I have my own issues with being a Single 5. With both parents who are Single 5’s. Being a Hierophant at heart isn’t easy. The weaving, spinning, communicating and arranging a glut of information into something useful is something we’re all quite adept at. Are we intense? Sure. We can be. We all have a purpose, dammit. I’ve never met a single 5 that was exactly like another, except that whatever our own particular schtick is, we’re usually experts. The best there is in whatever we are naturally driven to do. Are we know-it-alls? Some of us can be. Hierophant’s are not purely intellectual or purely bureaucratic (although if we really like one or the other… well… we could really annoy the shit out of those less organized types), yet we can have those tendencies. It crops up in weird ways. Hierophants can be annoying… I mean… As I said, whatever our schtick is, we usually own it. Tend to it. Master it. And… tell you ALL about it, whether you want to hear it or not. Get us talking about something we like, and we may not know when to shut up. It’s a bit disconcerting for some. Hierophants have strong personalities, and can be compelled by an intensely strong inner drive to do… more. Learn more. Talk more. Organize more. And… pimp it to the public.

A hierophant is not a hierophant without some manner of soapbox.

That’s not always bad. But it is a fact.

When I see him on stage now, I have a whole new appreciation for how gifted a storyteller he really is. He makes fun of himself a lot. He can’t sing, he can’t dance, and he doesn’t even consider himself that bright of a guy. Yet give the man a stage, and he truly shines as he is meant to. That’s his element. That’s where being a Single 5 has truly brought his gifts to light. Sure, I was never a fan of him musically… but he makes up for that.

My dad is a single 5. He is a good storyteller, but he’s just not that imaginative. The stories he tells are funny… the first dozen times you hear them. He needs some new material.

My mom is also a Single 5. While not a storyteller, she has an amazing capacity to translate very techinical data and processes into something user-friendly and easy to grasp for a novice. The ability to organize information in a way that is approachable is a gift in itself. Sometimes she goes a bit overboard, and you have to reel her back in. She’s the sort of person who could write a text book to teach you a process, but would miss something if she was the one teaching the class.

I got both gifts from my parents. For me, my Hierophantiness is everywhere. Coming from a more creative industry in the past, I always had great disdain for the hierophant. Bah! But… It creeps in. I am a good storyteller. I am good at training. I am a good public speaker. I’m not a terrible writer.

With Hierophants, it’s more about a love of the process and a need to do the work the right way than the ego-boost of being on stage. I think that’s what separates from our showy Magician counterparts. It’s more methodical. We’re doing what we naturally are driven to do. The attention is nice, but acceptance and understanding from your audience trumps a big BLAZE OF GLORY DIPPED IN BACON finale.

Sure, I’m generalizing. Do I care? Yes. A little bit. I am not feeling articulate as I’d like to be, and it’s bothering me. HIEROPHANT ALERT!

It’s interesting to look at people through a tarot-lens, particularly public figures. It gives you a deeper understanding of what motivates them, or how they tick behind the public facade. I like Henry Rollins just a little bit better now that I’ve learned we actually have something in common, other than our capacity to spin a good yarn.

Henry, you rock! See you next time you’re touring the NorCal!