I don’t normally post pictures of my altars… I’ve said before that they’re constantly changing and being shifted. Since my cast of Gods and Assorted Monsters has been fairly consistent over the last year, and because I’m feeling comfortable with my path and where it’s leading… I’m going to share.
I do perform rituals and give offerings to my gods more or less consistently. I might do something two or three times a week if the mood strikes. I let it happen when it happens. For me, the creation of a new altar from the old is the best form of effort-as-offering that I know… My best altered-states come from… well… altar-making states. They’re always in flux, but it’s one of those quirky things that seems to make Paganism suit me far better than any other religion. I can be meticulously detailed, use my eye for design, play with color color and hierarchy, create patterns, and do something new and beautiful for my gods, meditation, some type of magickal working, or just because. Altars are sacred spaces that have all kinds of uses to me, but I’m not opposed to tearing them down and starting over. Which I do… Frequently. 🙂
A few of my favorites from 2010…
Next year, we’ll be in a new house in a neighborhood that will see a lot more traffic than our old one. A lot of people we know and love will be a lot more conveniently located. My biggest problem is that I don’t really like my altars/working stuff to be as conspicuous as they are now. They are in our bedroom, and while my husband doesn’t mind, I’d like to keep them separate. I’ll have a lot more room, so I think I can be more subtle. Ganesha can go anywhere… No altars needed. I also am contemplating altars that can be hidden easily, using a locking armoire or cabinet of some type. I know I can come up with something good. I don’t mind sharing them with some people, but many of my family members and colleagues don’t know how strange and rather lovely my spiritual life really is at present. I don’t share things with people whom I sense are not ready for them. People are weirded out by a lot of what I do, and I respect that. I also will not put myself in a position to be belittled, ridiculed, judged, or subject to harsh scrutiny. I make the choice… As Pagans and magickal folk we all make that choice. Some people in your life may know and share that part, while others are not. I simply can’t afford to divulge too much because of my job and the community I live in. Although online… It’s open season! I should probably keep my mouth shut more often.
Even though I am comfortable with my path and very sure of it, I still play things close to the vest. I’ll probably come up with something very creative to easily disguise my altars. Buddhas work well… People on the west coast aren’t really that bothered by Buddhas. I may make a sort of “Meditation Altar” with a generic buddha that can be swapped out with Green Tara and some of my other gods when company goes home. I’m just going to have fun with it and see what I can do.
2011 may end up being an interesting year for my Altared-States. 🙂
Someone has been very patient with me. But she’s very kind about it as only she would be. She’s come up on the periphery enough times for me to pay some attention to her. Not strong, but subtle, fine, and barely a sparkle. Kwan Yin has a very different kind of love than that showboating sexy-time Aphrodite kind of love. It’s more clear. More conscious. More evolved. More something else. Empathy and compassion are the two kinds of love that I know my cat doesn’t have because he is such a fat-ass, manipulative jerk. I say that out of love, of course. Empathy and compassion are the types of deals you get when a being is able to sense or connect with the emotions of others, rather than just those of his own. Things get a little bit more complicated from this point. Instead of survival of the fittest, it’s survival of the shiny-happy-people. Not the kind that holds hands… Maybe some other kind. I don’t think we even had hands yet, but I’m sure we’d grown past talons. Talons rock!
You’re no longer surviving just for yourself. You’re surviving for others as well when you’re able to recognize that they are also distinct beings from you who are worthy of mutual love and protection. Empathy and compassion are two things that make dogs and humans so close. Dogs may not feel these things as we do, but they can be emotionally connected to us somehow. They seem to love us unconditionally. It’s the sweetest kind of love there is. Even if your cat doesn’t love you, your dog probably always will.
We’ve just taken it in another direction.
Kwan Yin makes it possible for us to look outside ourselves, care, love, and comfort those who may need it from us. She also makes it possible for us to do this for ourselves. We’re often much harder on ourselves than others ever could be. The Lady says… “No. You don’t need to do that. Act out of love to all… Even yourself.” She brings it back around in a way. We need to look outside ourselves to be able to look within. It’s a gift. She can reflect the areas where you need to be a bit kinder to yourself, as well as others. She is kindness more than anything, and she will remind you in small ways, just when you think you might have forgotten how.
She’s not shouted for my attention. Subtle, gentle, and always with love- She’s darted in here and there in small but beautiful ways. She’s not going to overcome in a rush and a gurgle, and a desperate trip down the rabbit hole like Kali Ma. She won’t delight and tantalize with hope and firelight like Maha Lakshmi. She doesn’t snap you back to reality with a minty crack of her ruler across your knuckles like Saraswati. You laugh about it after, and she’ll then show you some cool sights to make up for it. Lakshmi swirls around red, green, and gold. She comes up when there are cushions, rich fabrics, deep yet bright colors, honey, or the Home Decor section at Ross. She’s my downfall. She’s and Eris have a deal that seems to wrack-up my credit card debt. No mas, Ladies! No mas! Eris is a brief but bright snap=crackle-pop in my nervous system that manifests in almost everything, but only comes by to say howdy when my defenses are down. It’s all about preserving the good Eris while tossing out the darker, manic Eris. Eris meaning the goddess, not the Hilton. Thought I’d make that distinction.
Kwan Yin is above all that in some way. Not as high up as Tara, but a bit elevated. She dropped hints, and I took the time to see them.
I have to forgive myself for a lot of things. I can do better, and I will do better. She is part of the Path to Temperance. The Hierophant in me will find out more. The Erisian in me will try to distract me with other things. The Queen of Wands in me just goes for it. The High Priestess in me will get moody about it. The Empress in me will pout and get bored. That’s okay. I love myself for all my faults, and can forgive myself for some of my bad habits. I also love myself enough to learn, move on, move forward and waste no more time getting past them.
I’ve been through a rough patch spiritually, with strong, dark Ladies turning everything on its side. Eris. Kali. Persephone. These are not Ladies you want to fuck with unless they call you first. I’ve just had to go along with it, just to get through it. I don’t have a choice. They called. I answered, thinking “Oh shit! What did I just do?!” right after. So we’re moving past the worst of it… for now. I’m getting more White and Green Tara and Ganesh than I’ve ever gotten at this time of year. Usually the Holidays are spiritually vacant ones for me. Not this year. It feels more magickal and hopeful than it has in a long time. New starts… They’ve exploded in a bright array of symbols, dreams, and synchronicities. Kwan Yin has woven a subtle, pinkish-gold thread around all of it, like a faintly glinting spiral of tinsel that softly catches the light. Ganesha and Tara are the Christmas Lights, but Kwan Yin is the glow of the fireplace, the roar of the fire, the best parts of all of it.
Fuck. Kwan Yin SAVED CHRISTMAS! It hasn’t felt special in years. And… It does this year. I’m excited.
She has made herself very important to me of late, and I honor that. She’s earned a permanent place on my Altars.
I may have big plans, but she’s given me the right amount of light necessary for the inner fortitude it will take to carry out those plans. It’s good. I never knew how simple yet powerful she’d come on.
Thank you, Lady for giving me a lovely twinkling of lights in the darkness, showing that all is really better when motivated by love. It’s the glue that binds Good Order and Good Chaos, and the filter that weeds out the worst of Bad Order, and Bad Chaos.
This is good, new, and it feels really nice.
Lady… if you want it… I’m getting you the BIG statue.
“Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow, Creeps in this petty pace from day to day To the last syllable of recorded time, And all our yesterdays have lighted fools The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle! Life’s but a walking shadow, a poor player That struts and frets his hour upon the stage And then is heard no more: it is a tale Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, Signifying nothing.”
I’m not having an existential crisis per say, because that would be very boring and contrived.
It’s better than a mid-wife crisis, I suppose.
Instead, I feel hopeful yet a bit wary.
This lingered in my thoughts for a few days. It just strikes a chord within me, as one who does believe in reincarnation. It says “At the seemingly inevitable end of time and the Universe as Humanity currently knows them- Are all of our efforts worth it in the end if they will be forgotten to the ravages of time?”
It’s easy to say that none of it really matters, if time creates and destroys all of our efforts. Still, I maintain that there is something beautiful, precious, and special about consciousness. Something that we just don’t get right yet. We, as in humanity. What I see could be disheartening for some… We think that if we don’t live on in some manner, that we will be forgotten. That all will be lost. I don’t believe that. I believe that the experience of existing and attempting to thrive within the challenging environment of the earthly/material plane is something that we have no choice in. We’re given a great amount of consciousness, intelligence, capacity to be creative… to think abstractly… to try new things… a fascination with novelty… a bit of divine goodness if we seek it… We’ve got a lot of tools to make each life the best we can. They’re not always good or perfect. Some lifetimes are wrought with pain and suffering. Bad as they are, I think we need those experiences. How can we strive for better if all we know is sunshine and sparkle ponies?
I feel we’re here to strive for better. To learn. To grow. For Humanity to get over its destructive tendencies and learn from those mistakes.
We have so much more potential, and so much farther to go.
I believe in us. With each lifetime, I hope that I learn something that will carry me into the eventual next.
It seems that we’re living in a very dark time. Have you noticed? I’ve tried not to, but the odds are not in our favor at present. We’re learning though. Some pretty bad shit is going to roll downhill before we pull our heads out of our asses. Quantum physics is a step in the right direction. We don’t understand all that is possible yet, but we’re making strides.
We’re so fixated on the earthly realm, that it’s hard to look beyond into something that you can’t imagine, conceive of, measure, prove or quantify.
Humanity has a way of missing the point sometimes. No need to argue about who’s religion is more right. I feel that we all have a choice. If you want to experience the Divine and get a glimpse of what is possible, it’s there for you in a myriad of ways. It’s likely that one will pierce through the veil, and you’ll get what you seek.
There are plenty of ways to do this, and since humans are so plucky and curious, they’ve made a lot of progress.
There are also just as many ways to ignore it, and go on living your current earthly life as best you can. Either way, you have a choice. No one way is right, and I will not back down on that point. That doesn’t mean that some ways of doing so aren’t a bit harmful and destructive, i.e. destructive cults, religious wars. etc.
I don’t believe in anything but possibilities. We know a little bit about the Material Plane and the laws that govern it. We understand Nature to a degree. We’re just beginning to comprehend Time and the Universe. We have a sense of the Divine, but lack a clear and consistent connection.
We don’t know much, but we can go a long ways with what we’ve learned so far.
The macrocosm in this? Humanity as a whole. The microcosm? Each one of us as we complete another go-round on the big ol’ wheel.
Fate? We have a sense that it’s guiding us at times, but none of us really know what it means.
So we live. We keep trying. Even though our efforts may one day be erased by the ravages of time, I don’t feel it’s all for naught. I think that people who are focused on the after-life are in some instances afraid of being forgotten. Afraid of no longer existing. If that’s not an existential crisis, I don’t know what is. So we believe what makes the most sense. We believe what comforts us, and somehow make the challenges of this life bearable. It’s hard to think we struggle for no reason. I’m not afraid of being forgotten. I don’t believe in an after-life. I don’t believe in karma either, when it comes to rebirth. I believe that the wheel keeps turning. If you have more to learn, you’re best to get back on that horse. If you’ve gone as far as you can go, there must be something else to do. Maybe you come home? Maybe you become part of the Collective Unconscious? Your guess is as good as mine. I’d like to think that there is something to all of it, and we just don’t know it yet.
I don’t have time for it though. I doubt that you do either.
I’ll take the lessons I’ve learned in past lives (I know of a few), and try to make this life the best one I can. This body of mine and it’s genetic make-up comes with a set of challenges, as does the time, place, family, and society I was born into. We’re all equal in that we don’t choose the raw material that we’re given to work with. Some materials respond better to certain techniques, and most of that we learn through experience. For example, I didn’t choose to have a life riddled with chronic pain, but I can choose how I deal with it. Yet we have choices in life. We can work with what we have in the best way we can. There are things to enjoy and savor… The Material Plane is full of glorious sensory stimuli and pleasurable experiences. We do what we can with what we’re given. More often than not, that in itself is a lesson learned. In my case, the chronic pain has led to me discovering that my pain medicine of choice works as a mildly pleasant entheogen for me. That was unexpected, and has led me down a very different path. We’re empowered with choices in this life, if all goes well. When there are no choices, Fate has intervened. Sometimes that is for the best, sometimes not.
I’m content to see what I can do with this life. What awaits Humanity is not a problem I preoccupy myself with. All I can do is make the best choices I can in my current phase, with some mindfulness towards the future. I can’t control it, but I can do small things that may have an impact. I don’t know what stupid shit Humanity is going to do next. I don’t know how this will impact my future go-rounds, assuming that I’ll have more. I assume I will- I mean, I’m far from perfect in any way. This life is full of possibilities still, and I embrace that… Microcosm! I have faith in Humanity’s ability to overcome and strive towards all that is possible… Macrocosm!
So, Humanity… Keep on’ keepin’ on. Nolite te bastardes carborundorum! You’ve come a long way, baby… Yet the Kali Yuga is far from over.
But I believe in you. I am no one of importance, and it makes no difference in the Macrocosm. But Humanity, I believe in you just the same.
It’s not all for naught. The Universe is mysterious and extraordinary. As you unravel Her Mysteries, I hope I can have a seat somewhere on the sidelines, if Fate allows.
In the Material Realm, we’re sometimes unfortunately bound by Fate, Time, Matter. I won’t live to see it in this go-round, and I know not if I’ll get another. I’d like to though. It’s one thing to see the patterns, but it’s another to unravel them, reveal them, reverse engineer them, twist them, understanding them completely. I can’t help but be a little bit curious, and you can hardly blame me.
We have the tools and raw retard-strength to keep on as we are. For a while. I know many fear the future. We’re starting to see that we haven’t been especially nice to our planet, our resources, or each other. The world seems to be a much more volatile place than when I came of age at the end of the Cold War. The stakes are higher than they’ve ever been. I hope we don’t have too suffer too much to learn that which remains illusive to us, yet I’m not fully convinced.
Whatever it all means, I maintain that it must mean something. I’m just a casual mystic and bad ascetic. What the hell do I know other than that the fact that I know there is hope for us all?
Humanity i love you because you would rather black the boots of success than enquire whose soul dangles from his watch-chain which would be embarrassing for both
parties and because you unflinchingly applaud all songs containing the words country home and mother when sung at the old howard
Humanity i love you because when you’re hard up you pawn your intelligence to buy a drink and when you’re flush pride keeps
you from the pawn shops and because you are continually committing nuisances but more especially in your own house
Humanity i love you because you are perpetually putting the secret of life in your pants and forgetting it’s there and sitting down
on it and because you are forever making poems in the lap of death Humanity
i hate you — e.e. cummings
Humanity- I do love you… You’re a scrappy upstart with a fighting chance… Go Team HUMANS!
Consciousness and Creativity- I’m glad we’ve got you on our side. We wouldn’t have come this far without you. You’re the reason any of this is possible for us.
Nature- I’m sorry we haven’t been very kind towards you. We’re learning. We can do better, and we will do better.
The Divine- Thank you for giving us the opportunity to work with you. It really does help.
The Universe/Space- Thank you for giving us the luxury of our Conditions. We wouldn’t be here if not for you setting the stage for us- whether purposefully or not.
Fate- I accept that you are what you are and that you have a job to do. I accept that I can’t always change things, no matter how much it hurts not to.
Time- You know we will eventually control you, right? Theoretically, we’re starting to understand you better. It’s only a matter of… well… Do I have to say it?
The Collective Unconscious- Thank you for taking the strange bits and pieces of information, archetypes, and thoughtforms and giving Human Consciousness something to refer back to. You’re like the Wikipedia of Consciousness! Sure you could be more accessible, but we’ll take what we can get.
Conditions- Man… you really make shit tough on us sometimes. Bad weather, electromagnetic storms, asteroids careening towards Earth? Sure, we can’t always change or control you, but we’re getting better at it. The ability to adapt to and even change conditions are part of what makes Humanity so unique. Don’t think that you have the upper-hand, Conditions. We might have a surprise or two in store for you.
The Mysteries-Thank you for giving us a little taste of what is possible, just to keep us curious. If we didn’t have the Mysteries, we wouldn’t keep asking the questions that will get us closer to the answers. We want to know more… and because the Mysteries exist, we keep trying.
What Lies Beyond Our Universe/Comprehension That We’re Pretty Fucking Far Away from Understanding Any Time Soon- Yo. Whassup? If you’re ever in town, I’d love to buy you a beer.
I know nothing. I only see what I see. I could be wrong, but I could also be right. Either way…
I am grateful for this life and the ability to see. It’s served me well, and I am better off for it.
We all play a part in how this turns out… All you can do is continue to live, and live as best as you can despite the Conditions.
The Possibilities are endless.
p.s. No, I’m not high right now. Seriously, I’m not. Kind of sounds like I am, but being as there are a decided lack of dick jokes, you can rest assured that Madame Eris Quixotrix Hilton is 100% in the rightest and most rational mind that a crazy Erisian lady can be, which is really kind of scary if you think about it. Namaste-yay-yay, mothahfucka!
Now Eris was more crafty than any of the wild animals that Yaweh told everyone else he’d made. It was totally like him to run his mouth about something that he had absolutely nothing to do with. He could be such an arrogant twat-waffle sometimes! She said to the woman, “Did that punk-ass egomaniac really say, ‘You must not eat from any tree in the garden’?”
The woman said to the goddess, “We may eat fruit from the trees in the garden, but God did say, ‘You must not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden, and you must not touch it, or you will die.'”
“You will not surely die,” Eris said to the woman. “That crazy old coot knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be all awesome and shit like me, knowing all there is to know about Chaos and Order. Order is totally super-boring as fuck. Chaos is much more fun, and usually involves strong drinks and good drugs.”
“And what of the other apples that grow on the tree? What of those apples?” The woman asked the goddess, much more confused than she’d been before.
“Well… ” The goddess thought for a moment. She was in the mood for dressing up a mime and taking a troupe of midget interpretive dancers to go eat some Himalayan food, but she thought she’d be nice for once and answer this poor sap’s question. Damn that Yaweh! He was forever toying with humans with his own brand of inspired Divine Fuckery. It wasn’t her problem, but she was feeling benevolent of late due to adding more flax to her diet. How much flax? Five tons of that shit! FIVE TONS OF FLAX CAUSES SKID MARKS IN YOUR SLACKS!
Miss Mary MACK-MACK-MACK… All dressed in SLACKS-SLACKS-SLACKS… With silver BUTTHOLES-BUTTHOLES-BUTTHOLES… Down her CRACK-CRACK-CRACK…
The goddess motioned towards a shiny dark red apple that dangled from the tree.”This one is for knowing about Good and Evil. Supposedly it increases knowledge of both.” She then pointed at a rather tart looking green apple. “You see that green one over there? It’s the apple of Creation and Destruction. You make cool shit, and then it all goes KABLOOOOOOWEEE. Take a bite, and learn all about it. Oh… and see that sort of yellow bad-boy up there towards the top? Light vs. Darkness… Seriously heavy shit. That’s one trip I wouldn’t advise. It’s totally wild, but a total buzz kill.”
The goddess smiled and rubbed the golden apple in her hand with a slightly wicked gleam in her eye. “So… Lady… Do you have a name? I took poured Nyquil on my mashed potatoes this morning, and it’s effecting my ability to recall the names of naked strangers asking crazy-assed questions about my orchard.”
“I am called Eve” the woman replied.
“Well… Eve… Do you mind if I call you Steve?” Eris casually tossed her apple in the air, and caught it behind her back without even skipping a beat.
“Steve?” The woman was confused, which didn’t surprise the Goddess. Eris was delighted that someone decided to take a naked stroll through the Garden of Eatin’, but this chick seemed a bit dumb to be quite honest. Eris scanned the orchard for the woman’s helmet. It would make a great handbasket for her next trip to Hellish Hades Below. Persephone was supposed to have a dinner party in a few weeks, and the goddess enjoyed accessorizing.
“Yes, Steve. Your name is now Steve.” The goddess amused herself. All beings ought to be named Steve! STEVE POWER FOREVER! Yay STEVE!
The woman looked blankly at her still, confused, but in an annoying way rather than in the good way. “Why are there so many apples?” she asked, motioning towards the multitude of apples in every shade of red, green, pink, yellow, and gold imaginable.
The goddess was annoyed. She hated it when people ignored the BEST apple on the tree… The golden one that read “Kallisti”. Humans and their questions were annoying. Just do. Just be. Who gives a flying tranny’s banana hammock about the other crappy apples?
Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring bananaphone!
“They’re for lot’s of things. I only know a few of them, because I honestly just don’t care. For every conflict out there, there is an apple to tell your sweet pantsless ass ALLLLLLLLL about it.” The goddess paused.
“How do you like them apples, STEVE?”
Eve/Steve looked grimly at the apple tree, and wanly at the goddess.
Adam was wrong to suggest that they move here. Selling their condo to move to Bum Fucked Eden?! They could have rented it out, and maybe done some traveling, but NOOOOOOOOO… Adam wanted to move here to live in paradise and do nothing but chat with Yahweh, admire the wildlife, and partake in some rather ho-hum outdoor sex.”Babe… we can go wild like animals!” He’d exclaimed. What a naive fool he was…
Eve/Steve knew for a fact that they’d just been punked. Where was the pool? The conveniently located dry-cleaners? The luxury accommodations?
No… Instead they were naked in a garden where there was some crazy red-head babbling about apples calling her “Steve”.
She knew that Snake was right. They should have moved to Seattle.
“Goddess… I don’t really care for apples. I’m going to go see if I can’t find the bananas. Thanks for the… whatever that was” Eve/Steve backed away from the Tree of Apples & Mysteries & Other Useful Stuff.
As she walked off, she heard the goddess singing in the background, growing fainter and fainter with each step…
“Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring bananaphone! Ding dong ding dong ding dong ding donanaphone! Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring bananaphone!”
She is petite with longish, thick, layered, slightly wavy auburn colored hair. It has a bit of wave to it, with a hint of unruliness, as she’d spent the afternoon rolling about in bed with some gloriously handsome and rich lover, and had tried to tame it down as much as possible. She wasn’t particularly successful, due to an adorable little cowlick near where she parts her hair. The hair was the first thing I noticed… It would take four people to try to braid the stuff, but you can tell that it would have it’s mind already made up, jetting in and out of the braided loops and aggravating even the most patient hairdresser. Her skin is fair and flawless, yet with a light sprinkling of the adorable freckles across the bridge of her nose, and under her eyes. She could probably put on some sunscreen so that they aren’t as visible, but she’s not really concerned with it. Her only beauty routine is getting that mass of red hair out of her face.
Wearing a green tube-top, Daisy Dukes, and flip-flops, in December she saunters around with a wicked gleam in her yellow-green eyes. It’s a bit ornery, but not especially malicious, with a playful bit of trickster goodness glinting brightly just when your back is turned. She knows you saw… She shrugs and laughs a throaty, slightly scratchy laugh. She sounds like Fairuza Balk after one too many smokes and with a slight surfer-girl lilt. You wonder if she might be a crack head, a tweeker, or just a stinky hippie but it’s hard to tell.
You don’t know what she’s going to do next, but she’s so utterly charming and engaging with her smirking and slightly snarky splendor that it doesn’t really matter.
She just laughs at any and all of your suggestions, and pulls at your hand. “C’mon! Like totally! C’mon… This is BORING. Let’s go do something fun! Fuck your schedule! Spark up the bong, puff-puff-pass it to ME, and let’s go make fun of stinky hippies at the Co-Op! Ohhhhhh! And we can go to the craft store! Oh… and we can totally see if there are still any skull beads left at the beadstore. Hmmmm… Let’s get some V8 and new wine glasses. Those things seem oddly important. OMG… LETS GET SOME FUCKING HAPPY MEALS FTW!!!! Ohhhhhh…. shiny!”.
That’s what it’s like to have Eris as your co-pilot. I may have taken my name after my patron goddess, but we are both easily distracted by random novelty…
Offer fell through on yet another dwelling. The Gods are remarkably silent and hands-off on this one. Whenever I get radio silence this strong over an issue this big, I know it means that Fate has somehow wrapped it’s threads around the thing. If I was meant to change this or direct it though careful wielding of will and/or requests for favors from my Divine Line of Defense, we’d be closing escrow on something by now. Nope… I am supposed to be going through this. Maybe the right place, the right deal, the right timing has yet to happen. I look at Tarot or any kind of divination as a guideline… It’s a very strongly possible outcome, but it can always be changed or altered with the right action or reaction. When Fate comes to call, events are meant to have the same outcome and will have the expected outcome no matter what steps you take to thwart it. For me, I know that I can Push somethings into going my way. Yet when the Push becomes a PUSH, and nothing happens… It’s not meant to. I try to be patient, but it’s hard when you usually have a little bit of control and you suddenly find yourself wanting.
Magick works… most of the time.
Except when it doesn’t.
Sometimes it’s operator error… Sometimes, Fate is a manipulative bastard. You can’t have it all sometimes.
I can’t change the fact that this house isn’t right, but I can focus on the good things that are coming out of the situation.
We still have choices. Some might be better. Some might have yet to present themselves. I believe in options and possibilities above all else.
I’ve focused on Laskshmi and Ganesha throught the process. I can’t think of two better deities in my Pantheon-O’-Plenty that are better suited for the task. Parvati would be even more appropriate, but she hasn’t sought me out yet. Maybe I need to seek her out? She’s popped up in some random places for me, where I don’t normally see her.
I did the Wand spread on the Beautiful Tarot iPhone/iPad app, just to see what was up with this whole deal. Obviously nothing I’ve done so far to Push things in any certain way has worked, so I want to try to understand what the Wheel of Fate has in store. As an aside- I love Beautiful Tarot! t’s a stunning app! You have a choice of Rider-Waite, Marseilles, or Charles VI. You can do pre-loaded spreads or your own. The interface is beautiful and intuitive. It’s the best tarot app I’ve used.
Yeah, I’ve tried to do everything right. Organized. Structured. Planned. I’ve taken the lead on this, since my husband has been intimidated by all of it. I feel like the Great Leader and Great Organizer. I’m the one making the paperwork and the legwork happen. I feel like my energies are so completely immersed in the MunDanish aspects of the whole process, and there is nothing left for anything more. The Emperor is the kind of WILL that is foreign to me. It is WILL in the material world, in the most logical and functional of ways. I am exhausted by it.
Obstructions: The 10 of Wands
Uh… All of this is still overwhelming to me, particularly that we’re still going through all of it at the holidays. The family, social, and professional obligations are many and exhausting this month. The normal holiday crap that usually saps all the joy from the holidays beckons, but I’ve tap-danced around it as much as I can. The dancing does little for my focus on HOUSE CRAP. It’s a lot, but I’m managing. Ganesh has helped.
We’re fully empowered and ready to do this, and we’ve got the divine on our side. We’re meant to be doing this now. We’ve done the right things to get here, and have an incredible opportunity for a new start. I am thrilled to see this card here.
The Past: The World
I’d call this an end of where we were. I’ve been feeling stirrings of the Fool in a very strong way lately, but that usually happens when I let my favorite dancing elephant intervene to do his best work. The World is the end of one Fool’s journey, and paves the way for the start of another. We’ve gone from The Fool to the Emperor. We were at the Magician a while back when we first started making offers. Through the High Priestess, we learned some hard lessons and reflected on them. We took a break of a few weeks when the Empress phase started. Now we’re back to business… Hello Emperor! I assume the Hierophant will be next… House inspections, paperwork, and attending to the tricky details? Oh-my-sweet-fnord! How perfect is that?
Aspirations: The Q of Wands
I just want to be happy with our new home, and I’ll most happiest in my beautiful, warm, stylish, updated, open, cheerful, bright, contemporary home with hardwood floors, lots of windows, granite counters, stainless steel appliances, updated bathrooms, and lots of warm colors… Oranges, reds, deep olive greens, spice colors, muted jewel tones… Squee! I am feeling this warm psuedo-Moroccan sort of vibe, with small flourishes vintage antique stuff mixed in with my favorite clean sort of bold, graphic contemporary stuff. Poppies! Art nouveau! Squee! Squee! Squee! The Q of Wands LOVES to decorate and pimp her dwelling. Comfortable and inviting, yet just a bit more charisma, whimsy and eclectic charm than your average updated home. It simply must happen, and it will be FAB.
The Future: 10 of Pents
We’re going to find a place that truly feels like home that will be a good investment in our future. I also sense that we might have family around, not just the two of us. This isn’t exactly a surprise either. One place we like has an attached apartment that is really quite nice. We don’t need the extra space, but my sister and niece might be interested in renting it out. It’s a great house, and I think with the layout and price that we could make that work. It might be good for all of us. We might put a bid in on it, because it has almost everything we could possibly want, and then some.
Action to take Now towards that Future: 3 of Cups
My sister and niece are going to have Christmas dinner with Mr. Hilton and I, so we’ll be talking about it and spending some good quality time together. I think this might help my husband be more okay with our decision to have them stay with us for a bit. He’s on board, but I think having some low stress merriment might help. Also, it looks like we need to just enjoy our holiday time with family and friends, because it’s very much going to work out for the best. We can’t force it. I know that.
The Heart of the Matter: 5 of Swords
I don’t want to get my hopes up to have them dashed again… I feel betrayed by my hopes and visions of the future. Every time we’ve made an offer and I’ve gotten excited about it, I feel like I am sabotaging myself. Our agent has felt pretty terrible about the way some of our offers have been received. She’s has utmost confidence in all of them, only to have someone outbid us. I’ve been willing to go higher on some, but she’s very pragmatic and cautious. We’ve lost some deals because my intuition was right, and hers was wrong. I feel bad, but I feel like the Sellers are really sticking it to us. It seems like a no-win situation on all sides.
What I can Do To Stay on the Right Path: 10 of Pents (Again- I reshuffled the app.)
Bam! The Future is the right path! Stay the course, Madame Eris Quixotrix Kallisti-Jane Hilton! Stay the course!