Kali is Trollin, But The Train Keeps On’ Rollin’…

Kali is Trollin, But The Train Keeps On’ Rollin’…

U Mad?

Now I know Special K is fucking with me.

Yes… Kali-Ma is trolling me for lulz!

I know for a scientific fact of some science and shit!

I downloaded the audiobook for Brian Greene’s The Elegant Universe. Time, strings, and vibrations-oh-my! I always think of K. when I imagine the deep black inky endless depths of space. Life flourishes when nurtured by Nature. Time allows us the forward momentum needed to keep us changing, developing, growing and evolving. The Material World certainly isn’t the only way to roll, and I sincerely believe that God or The Divine have some connection to the so-called Theory of Everything. Yes, I am probably imposing some crazy-ass mystical fuckery over the scientific aspects of it, but I don’t care. God isn’t something we can really comprehend, but archetypes at least give us some way to translate it. We can understand it better that way, from our current perspective. Kali is Time. She gives us her gift of Time so that we can create, grow, learn, and thrive. The Universe is a harsh place.

Given time, we may come to understand more about why we’re here… How we got here… If there is anything at all to it… Who our ancestors were. What The Mysteries mean… What lies beyond our scope… How the Universe is made…What the gods are… What the Divine is… What it means to have a Divine Spark residing within all of us…Wooohoooo! Party over here!

Growing pains are a son of a bitch. Kali creates the possibility for these conditions, but is indiscriminate in destroying them at random. She’s the Wildcard! Time and Change destroy just as much as they create. Civilizations fall. People perish. Natural disasters, disease, and Lindsay Lohan happen.

Without Time, there is no Change.

Jai Ma.

Change is what keeps the Universe in motion.

It all sort of trickles out, and it amuses me. She’s giving me some BIG BIG BIGGITY BIGGIE SMALLS XXXXL SIZED OVERCOAT stuff of COSMIC-WOO-WOO-CRAZY-LA-LA-PRETTY-SHINY proportions the week I am fucking closing escrow!

As if the health issues and crazy stress at work I’m having aren’t enough… My loan docs were fucked up. We keep having to pay more money. My physical therapist worked me over today in a bad way. I ran out of pain killers of the pharmaceutical and herbal variety. We’re in the middle of a wicked snow storm. I am PMS’ING!!!!!!!!!!!!

Eris is still floating on a block of selenite out in the Mediterranean somewhere, so it isn’t exactly destructive.

It’s just causing me a lot of anxiety and it’s fucking annoying.

Today, I worked from home for the afternoon since it was supposed to snow badly this evening. I left the office at 1:00. I was expecting my refill of meds to be delivered, but Fedex hadn’t shown up yet. I was a bit upset, since I’d been without pain meds for a few days, and I was in a great deal of pain after my therapy session. I checked the tracking at 4:00pm… They were delivered at 12:52!!! I don’t know how I missed them, but I must have walked right past the truck! I ended up getting the start of a pretty wicked migraine, and the snow was letting up for a few hours so I had to turn around and drive back to work to get my meds.

I’m glad I did. I was dying!

That is the kind of shit I’m dealing with. I can barely read for shit, other than reading on the present won’t give me anything but mud, but the future is bright and crystal clear.

Oh… and I also get to get lab work next week! Oh joy!

We get our keys tomorrow. I feel like I’m not just out of my pretty pink bubble, but more like some asshole popped it with a pin.

Fuckity-fuck-fuck-fuck! I’m out of explanations for this stuff. It happened before I used anything for pain meds. The meds just make it a bit more visual and a bit more personal.

It’s tough love of course. Kali is about love in her own way. I experience great transformation when working with her that comes with a clarity that transcends the more chthonic more underworldly charms of Persephone, the first Dark Goddess who called me.

Kali is some aspect of the Universe. I don’t know what.

Two bright eyes popping out of the darkness… A pop of faintly dim starlight piercing through a dark veiled black hole hellbent on destroying us.

Why are there so many 
Songs about Black holes

And what’s on the other side

Black holes are visions 
but only Illusions

Black holes have nothing to hide

What’s so amazing

That it keeps us star gazing

And what do they think we might see

Oh, someday we’ll find it

The Black Hole Connection

The lovers, the dreamers, and me


Physically, mentally, emotionally, and hormonally I’m a shipwreck. Spiritually… I’m a’ight!

She’s Baaaaaaaack…

She’s Baaaaaaaack…

I should have known that the reappearance of my ulcer, the strange bouts of nausea, the fatigue and general lack of energy I’ve been feeling are coming from somewhere. Yes, I have a lot going on, but my body hasn’t “crashed” like this in a while.

There is a lot of new going on.

My pink bubble has popped.

I was hoping that Special K might wait in the wings for a bit, at least until moving happened.

Not so much. She never comes on so strong in the spring time. She’s more of a late fall kind of Goddess of Creation and Destruction.

She’s here. Physically, I’ve known for a while. I didn’t want to ask, but now I have my answer.

She doesn’t like altars, but she wants a spot in the latest incarnation of my ever-shifting altared states of consciousness. I gutted all of my altars over the weekend, and packed some shit up. I’ve only got one big one left out which I won’t dismantle until we move or until instructed otherwise.

Special K wants in on that action. Apparently.

I will give her what she wants. I am just too tired to refuse. My ulcer is healing, but I still can’t eat much. I’ve lost eight pounds without even trying. I can eat tea and licorice fairly easily. Oh… I’d have no sustenance if not for soup. Weed helps me choke food down, but not much. I’m still having bouts of queasiness and nausea.

I’m not pregnant, thank the gods!

Still… I don’t know what’s going on. I’m not doing anything new or different.


Special K is back on the altar.

Maybe I also need to do some damage reinforcement with Eris? That might help too. The bitch is still on ice (a.k.a a block of selenite) to thwart chaos, but maybe she’s pissed!

Fuck. This shit sucks.

How could I go from pink bubble of divine love, compassion, and empathy to crying on the sofa because I’m so fucking hungry but can barely even choke down saltines without wanting to hork?

Buy the ticket. Take the ride. My stress always manifests in my physical body, so golly-gee-fun-bananas… This is fucking swell.

My guts are made of tiny Towers.



Oh… *That* Other Shoe? I Just Dropped.

Oh… *That* Other Shoe? I Just Dropped.

My shiny pink bubble has a little hole in it…

Looks like my ulcer has come back. I am hoping that it’s just ulcer, and not Kali Ma coming around for a visit. It’s been a little over a year since I’ve had one, and I kind of expected it honestly. Whenever there is a NSAID party at my house and the party goes on for more than a few months, my guts get all twisted. I’m having a hard time eating, and I’m one of those chubby girls with a decidedly healthy appetite. I never miss a meal if I can help it, yet I find myself struggling to choke food down without getting sick. It will heal up if I’m especially nice to it for a few weeks… No coffee (fuckers!), no spicy (double fuckers!), no alcohol (triple fuckers!), and smoking… tobacco. (The green stuff stays. It’s the only way I was able to eat dinner last night).

I can’t eat, so my blood sugar rages. It’s really kind of ugly.

I suppose I was waiting for the other shoe to drop, and here it is. I don’t think it’s another Mini Kali Yuga. It just sucks when I have ulcer + Kali together. Maybe that was a fluke, but I don’t want a repeat.

I have to concentrate on the little things… Will I snap and lose my temper due to all this bloodsugar fuckery? Probably. Sorry Kwan-to-tha-Yin. I’m trying. I’m really trying to be better about it. Will I make it to work without pulling over to throw up? Not that I do throw up, I just feel super nauseous.

I’ve been through this before.

Shit stil sucks.

I think it might be White Tara time… I need to heal my shit up!