So let’s say these two were out enjoying a fermented beverage or two…
Hierophant: I don’t know how you do it, my friend! The HP… She’s utterly floored me with her beauty, but to use the vernacular… she’s playing ‘hard to get’ ‘I’ve tried being romantic. I’ve tried flowers, candlelit dinners, long walks on the beach, diamonds, but I can’t seem to get through to her. She simply smiles, but says nothing. What is your secret for planting the seeds to her pomegranate tree? For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge is the knowledge I seek… You must tell me… Is it in a book? An ancient scroll? Did you use a magickal elixr or charm? I’ve done my research! I know what she likes… Yet it makes no difference.
Magician: Bro… Give it a rest with the bad metaphors, will ya? She’s way out of your league. I didn’t do anything special to get her attention. I simply decided that she was going to find me irresistable, and I made it happen. I did what I do. I threw it down, man. I worked that shit. Seriously, I think you try too hard. It’s not in a book, man. The ladies flock to me because I make them want me, and then I act indifferent. It drives them crazy! It works every time. It’s good to be the Magician, man!
Hierophant: But… How do you do it? What is the process? Surely there is some methodology behind it… If I didn’t have a higher calling and a public to serve, I would have become an alchemist. Women can’t resist an alchemist! There must be some secret though… I’ve done everything right. You’ve been a bit of a cad, and yet… they flock to you! How?
Magician: All you need is a big wand…
Hierophant: How very crass you are… So you bedazzle and bewitch them all with your magick disco stick, then, yes? I’d think HP would see right through you! She’s my intellectual equal, you know. I can be Pope and she can be my sweet Popess!
Magician: Dude… It’s not that hard to get the p-nanny around here. The Empress will go home with almost anyone if you give her enough champagne. She comes off as a bit June Cleaver, but she’s a dirty, dirty girl! Strength is great too. She’s got that All American girl thing happening. A bit of a tomboy, but really cute… She’s a wildcat in the sack! Temperance? She likes to be wined and dined. She’s careful. She has rules. Third date’s the charm though! I tried to get her drunk, but it didn’t work. But HP is different… You’re right… My magick schtick doesn’t work on her.
Hierophant: I’m always right in these matters.
Magician: Don’t tell anyone this, but I think HP was The One. I messed it up by talking too much smack, and not taking her seriously enough. Not a damn thing I can do about it now… You can’t hide anything from her.
Hierophant: Perhaps she knows of my interest already, and alas… my lust to peer underneath her veil shall go unrequited.
Magician: Maybe if you stopped acting like such a pompous windbag tool, and started to talk less and listen more, she’d be interested.
Hierophant: You’re hardly one to talk about being a pompous tool, my wand-waving friend!
Magician: True, but remind me again… When was the last time you got some?
Hierophant: This reminds me of one of my favorite colloquialisms… What is it? Ah. Yes. ‘Shut your piehole’.