Coffee Talk Spread

Coffee Talk Spread

I’m finding that of all my decks, Jolanda really lends herself well to free form, intuitive type of reads. No spread. Just spark up a conversation with her, flip some cards, and let her go to it. It’s not my usual way of reading if I have a specific issue, but I find it’s an interesting way to approach things if I am trying to think something through, or brainstorm. Jolanda has just the right attitude for such a process. It’s not unlike doing a deck interview. It’s like asking for advice over a cup of coffee with a girlfriend.

I’m calling it the Coffee Talk spread, which is really not a spread at all. Ask-Pull Card-Comment/Ask- Pull Card, etc.

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The High Priestess & The Hermit On A Blind Date

The High Priestess & The Hermit On A Blind Date

HP: Hello.
Hermit: Hello.
HP: I like your lamp. It is very luminous.
Hermit: Well… um… Thank you.
Hermit: … Your scrolls… What are they about?
HP: Mysteries.
Hermit: I see.
HP: Do you?
Hermit: Of course. (Motions towards lamp)
HP: Ahhhh… (Nods knowingly)
Tarot Muggles! GAH!

Tarot Muggles! GAH!

Nothing kills my passion for reading more than people who don’t understand the limitations tarot has. I like reading for people, but I’ve become very hesitant to even try over the years. Don’t get me wrong, I like to do it. I just prefer to do it for people who will work with me a little bit. It generally happens where they will ask a question that is hard to answer without a few more details. Many times, they want something general but give me no input as I pull cards. “Ummmm… well… This could be X… this also could be Y. Is anything like that going on?”. My job as a reader, is to try to see where the pieces fit. I look for the pattern. I connect the dots. I’m not especially bad at it, but I have an internal dialog when I read for myself that puts it in context. Without some detail, I’m grasping at straws. Sometimes it seems like they expect you to “know” automatically, without their participation. I am not psychic. Both the reader and the querent are part of the process, and often times their vagueness ultimately derails the whole thing. It makes me look bad, when I’m working extra hard to do right by them. People can be a bit nasty about it. It kills my hard-earned confidence.

I wonder if they’re seeing things they don’t want to see? Are the cards doing their usual trick of bringing up nasty things we know deep down in our bones, but would rather ignore and suppress? A bread crumb or two from the querent can make all the difference. It can open things up, making the patterns click into my consciousness… Snap! Crackle! Pop!

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The Fool & The Tower In Zombietown

The Fool & The Tower In Zombietown

Tower: OMG! OMG! OMG! Help! OMG! OMG! OMG!

Fool: I got new running shoes… Look at how fast I can go! Eat my dust, Zombie scum! Woohoo!
Tower: Are they… OH. MY. GOD. They’re eating brains! Brains! SOMEONE PLEASE HELP US! PLEASE!!!!
Fool: Here Zombie-Zombie-Zombie! C’mre ZOMBIE! Come out, come out wherever you are! I’m not afraid of you!
Tower: What the hell is the matter with you?!!? You should be afraid… WE’RE ALL GOING TO DIIIIIEEEEEE!!!
Fool: 1-2-3-4, I declare a Zombie War! Where are you hiding? I can’t see. Come on out and play with me!
Tower: Shit. Oh. Shit. THE HORROR! THE HORROR! Burn in HELL, you vile creatures!
Fool: Dude, you need to chill out. We had Vampire infestations all the time back on the farm. It’s not even a big deal. Zombies aren’t really that different. There isn’t anything to be afraid of… Think of it as an adventure!
Tower: Yeah. Sure. It’s an adventure, and then… THEY EAT YOUR BRAINS!!!! OMG!!! THE HUMANITY!

Fool: Well, when I left the farm, I promised myself that I would grab life by the danglies and just go for it! No fear, man! No fear! My parents back on the farm are afraid of everything. They never try anything new. They never take a risk. If they found out I was Running with the Zombies, they’d flip their flapjacks! Man… this is so awesome! Isn’t this exciting?
Tower: You’re an idiot. I hope they slurp up your spleen with a straw… OMG… LOOK BEHIND YOU!
Fool: I’m sooooooo not falling for that… What do you take me for, a fool?
Tower: Fuck! Fuck! FUCK! RUN! RUN YOU IDIOT… RUN….
Fool: Nice try, really I don’t think it’s funn—–
Tower: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The Magician & The Hierophant Talk About Chicks

The Magician & The Hierophant Talk About Chicks

So let’s say these two were out enjoying a fermented beverage or two…

Hierophant: I don’t know how you do it, my friend! The HP… She’s utterly floored me with her beauty, but to use the vernacular… she’s playing ‘hard to get’ ‘I’ve tried being romantic. I’ve tried flowers, candlelit dinners, long walks on the beach, diamonds, but I can’t seem to get through to her. She simply smiles, but says nothing. What is your secret  for planting the seeds to her pomegranate tree? For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge is the knowledge I seek… You must tell me… Is it in a book? An ancient scroll? Did you use a magickal elixr or charm? I’ve done my research! I know what she likes… Yet it makes no difference.

Magician: Bro… Give it a rest with the bad metaphors, will ya? She’s way out of your league. I didn’t do anything special to get her attention. I simply decided that she was going to find me irresistable, and I made it happen. I did what I do. I threw it down, man. I worked that shit. Seriously, I think you try too hard. It’s not in a book, man. The ladies flock to me because I make them want me, and then I act indifferent. It drives them crazy! It works every time. It’s good to be the Magician, man!

Hierophant: But… How do you do it? What is the process? Surely there is some methodology behind it… If I didn’t have a higher calling and a public to serve, I would have become an alchemist. Women can’t resist an alchemist! There must be some secret though… I’ve done everything right. You’ve been a bit of a cad, and yet… they flock to you! How?

Magician: All you need is a big wand…

Hierophant: How very crass you are… So you bedazzle and bewitch them all with your magick disco stick, then, yes? I’d think HP would see right through you! She’s my intellectual equal, you know. I can be Pope and she can be my sweet Popess!

Magician: Dude… It’s not that hard to get the p-nanny around here. The Empress will go home with almost anyone if you give her enough champagne. She comes off as a bit June Cleaver, but she’s a dirty, dirty girl! Strength is great too. She’s got that All American girl thing happening. A bit of a tomboy, but really cute… She’s a wildcat in the sack! Temperance? She likes to be wined and dined. She’s careful. She has rules. Third date’s the charm though! I tried to get her drunk, but it didn’t work. But HP is different… You’re right… My magick schtick doesn’t work on her.

Hierophant: I’m always right in these matters.

Magician: Don’t tell anyone this, but I think HP was The One. I messed it up by talking too much smack, and not taking her seriously enough. Not a damn thing I can do about it now… You can’t hide anything from her.

Hierophant: Perhaps she knows of my interest already, and alas… my lust to peer underneath her veil shall go unrequited.

Magician: Maybe if you stopped acting like such a pompous windbag tool, and started to talk less and listen more, she’d be interested.

Hierophant: You’re hardly one to talk about being a pompous tool, my wand-waving friend!

Magician: True, but remind me again… When was the last time you got some?
Hierophant: This reminds me of one of my favorite colloquialisms… What is it? Ah. Yes. ‘Shut your piehole’.

Pathworking: Buy the Ticket, Take the Ride

Pathworking: Buy the Ticket, Take the Ride

WoodenPath7I thought I’d talk a little bit about Pathworking with tarot. It’s a practice that while I am certainly no expert, I’ve gleaned much wisdom and insight each time I go through the process. It’s yet another trick in my Spiritual-Magickal-Philosophical tool bag. I like tools, and as is evident by many of my exboyfriends, they also like me. Bwaahaahaaa! My tools simply help me connect the dots as I map my Travels down the Path. So far I’ve found that the tarot, a bit of low magick, energy work, ritual, and of course pathworking works best for me. It helps. I don’t get into any of the Kaballistic aspects of Pathworking. I just don’t know enough about it. Presently, it’s not my area of expertise. I haven’t gotten past the Chicken Qabbalah… Or is it Cabala?

That’s not to say you can’t do pathworking by other means, although I would assume it’s a very profound experience to do so with Qabalah-coloured glasses on. Is it creative visualization? Is it an exercise in using Jung’s Active Imagination? Is it a journey into the “astral realm”? Is it self-guided meditation? Is it a “shamanic journey”? Maybe it’s all of the above. Maybe it’s none of those things. The thing is, I don’t know. I was doing it long before it had a name. My mind might meander off during meditation, and I might pick up on some of the same things, but it’s not the same as actually sitting down with a very specific intent in mind. I am going to “go” somewhere, to learn, see, or understand something that will be of spiritual value to me. It’s a meditation and magickal technique, where the gods seem best able to communicate. It’s good stuff. I do it often enough to feel comfortable with it. I often will use one of the Tarot trumps as a gateway, depending on what I’m doing. The idea of movement or progression is part of the Fool’s journey, and Tarot is something I know and understand, while using the Qabalah is not. Ain-Soph? What kind of nothing was that again? What?

Here is a good article on how one method initiate the process…
A Book on the Subject (I haven’t read it, but it looks interesting. I’m adding it to the list…)

I’ll share a little bit of my process. It’s been honed over the years through hypnosis, guided meditation, studying the tarot and occult, and of course my own experimentation. It’s by no means the only way to do it. Whatever gets you where you’re going.
A Scooby Snack & A Tarot Nap

A Scooby Snack & A Tarot Nap

Four of Swords
image from

I am suffering from a bit of Tarot Burn-Out… This happens when one is particularly wandelicious. I go in phases where I’ll be HEY HO! LET’S GO TAROT!™ for a couple of months, only to fizzle, crash, and burn for a few. I didn’t even pick up a deck from June to July of this summer. I was in LET’S GO TAROT!™ mode all of April and May thanks to all of the awesome tarot workshops and classes I attended. Nothing lights a fire under my ass like living that Rock & Roll Queen of Wands lifestyle. Nothing except if you were actually going to light my ass on fire. I’d rather you didn’t. I like my ass without third degree burns, and I don’t think I could accessorize well by sitting on one of those Infate-O-Donuts. I took a nose-dive when the weather began to get warm. I ordered the Illuminated Tarot (it’s so-so-soooooooo pretty and shimmery! Love-love-love-love!) and I didn’t read with it for about a month.

In August I exploded back on the scene-uh… like a Tarot Sex Machine… Hit me! Good God, y’all ! YEAH!

Hmmm… that was fun. It had a beat, and I could probably dance with it if I wasn’t in a post-massage and 5-HTP addled stupor. Wait… what?

These phases are normal for me. Three months of amazing activity, psychic, spiritual, religious, magickal, intuitive… It all coincides, and rest assured, I bring it, biatches! Then… two or three months of nothing and static. Nary a spread nor a spell nor a Big Happy Shaman Pants Pathworky Trance Fun Time Hour. From the Gods, complete radio silence.

It’s a pattern that keeps repeating itself, and it all goes back to BALANCE and the fact that in spiritual matters… I don’t seem to have any. I’ve been working on it, as I’ve said before. Establishing practices like my Full Moon Fever Jamboree™ Quick & Dirty Daily readings seems to help. I look forward to doing these things.

It’s been a little bit intense up in here lately! I need a Tarot Nap. I have zero motivation to read. None. I can’t focus on the little buggers at all. This means I need to not read for a week or so. This doesn’t mean there isn’t fun to be had…

I have a Swiss BIG SIZED GLORIOUS AG MULLER THOTH DECK TO TRIM! Yay! I couldn’t bear to trim my big Greenie, knowing they were going to remain OOP for a while. Greenie is very dear to me. The Big Thoth looks am-ahhhhh-zing when trimmed, and I might as well. The damn thing is in German anyway, so it’s a sign. I’ve only trimmed one deck, a Universal Rider Waite, and I find that having full-bleed color really makes the images pop. It seems to let some of the energy loose. It’s also something that I find very relaxing. Soothing. Like buttah.

So even though I’m taking a Tarot Nap… I’m gettin’ in a little Thoth time, even if I’m ignoring my Pocket Thoth.

It’s fun to say “Pocket Thoth”. I like to say it whenever I can.