Have A Ball… It’s Bel-Taint! Hell… Have Two!

Have A Ball… It’s Bel-Taint! Hell… Have Two!

May Day... It's All About Who Has The Fanciest Pole.

I take a fairly laissez-faire attitude to “Pagan” holidays that dot the Wheel of the Year, i.e. the Ones That Most of Us Modern Pagany Folk In The Western World Are Aware Of or Pay a Bit of Attention to Whether We’re Wiccan or Not Because Godsdamn It Almost Everyone Is Down With The Wicce-Wickity-Wack-Yo Or Has Close Pagan Friends & Neighbours Who Are or Like to Party Down in Wiccan Town With The Wise Guys And It’s All About Nature And Shit Anyways and Since The Whole Earth-Based Spirituality Often Applies… Fuckitall to fuckery… I had a point here.

Callin’ All’ Y’all Big Booty Witches

Shake those asses and drink like fishes!

This Rite is Great like Sid is Vicious

Cakes and ale? Motherfucking delicious!

Wheel of the Year… Yeah. Still, even though I don’t really do public circles or rituals for these holidays, I pay some attention to their occurrence as they are tied to the changing seasons. I like Nature. I love the changes that take place, and I happen to live in a place that has exceptionally lovely springs and falls. It doesn’t break my heart if I’m off by a week, but if I do choose to do something to honor that time, it invariably feels like the right thing to do. Some I forget, but not all.

Bob Marley was a Natural Mystic.
I am a Casual Mystic.
Yeaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh BOY!

Of all of the Wiccan/Pagan Holidays, I’m a bit fan of Bel-taint. I mean… Beltaine. Or do I? Also known as May Day. It also happens to be tomorrow.

Beltaine is a sexy holiday! I’m not planning on running around naked in the woods, but if that’s what you’re into…Make sure you put a “Loincloths Optional” sign by the gazebo or something. It’s bad timing for me. I just did a bit of Full Moon Revelry a couple of days ago. I don’t do a ton of ritual work. Maybe once a month, sometimes twice if there is a issue that needs a Magickal Ass Kicking. Twice in the same week is a bit much for me. It’s draining. I’ve always liked Beltaine, but I usually forget about it and don’t end up doing anything.

Despite my protests… It’s going to be different this year! Why? I actually had some shopping planned with my BFF tomorrow, and there is no reason why I can’t do some drinking tonight. Nothing says Beltaine like wine and weed! You can quote me on that. In fact, it’s just so nice, that you can quote me twice!

I’m a Casual Mystic. I am not the Pompatus of Love. I am the Pompatus of Slack. Whatever man…

I know… I know… Polly Pissy Pagan would probably argue with me about the validity and authenticity of my celebration plans. “You Are Ignorant & Not a Real Pagan & I Think You Are Stupid & Ignorant & Don’t Read The Cool Pagan Books On The Required Reading List!” I’m a little bored with Polly Pissy Pagans who need to get over themselves and lighten the fuck up. I’ve read the books. Most are boring. I’d rather read about super-strings and m-theory than Wicca 101, for realz yo. That’s just me.

I just noticed that I am unintentionally mondo-megauber-ranty today… Man… All snide and passivesque-aggressivey with the digs towards the Greater Pagan Community of North America. Oh well… I have a right to! PMS… HELLZ YES! So… uh… it’s a Manifestation of my Sacred Feminine Wommyn Time Cycle of The… Ugh. Even as a joke that shit gives me the hibbity-jibbities.

I’m all for grrl-power, but I prefer swingin’ lingams if you know what I mean, and I am positive that you do. None of this yoni-baloney. Bwaahahahahah!

I am a big hypocrite and a mess of contradictions, and I’m here to party! I am awesome! Seriously. Yawn.

There but for the grace of Bev Mo, go I!

Happy Beltaint, kids!

The Dating Game Spread

The Dating Game Spread

I’ve had a bit of a lull lately when it comes to tarot, but there is a lot going on in the MunDanish part of my world. Things have not calmed down, but I’ve calmed down. This is good. Good is good. I had a good bit of success with a reading I did last night for my sister, and thought that the spread that resulted yielded good enough results to share. My younger sister is a single mom, who takes a fairly casual approach to dating. She’s really not ready to get into something serious with someone, unles she’s sure there is good potential there for the longterm. She keeps things fun and light-hearted, but decidedly non-comitted and not at all serious. Unfortunately for her, her ambivalence towards commitment and casual approach drives guys wild. At this point in time, she’s got more interested parties than she can handle. Fortunately for her, tarot knows what she already knows and was only too glad to tell her.

I developed a good spread for this, and we got some interesting results. I’m calling it The Dating Game spread. I think you could easily use it for dating or any kind of social setting with more than one party involved. You do a small spread for each person you’re curious about. For my sister’s gang of dating fools, we did three. Bachelor #1, Bachelor #2, and Bachelor #3. I only knew a little bit about Bachelor #1 before doing the spread.

1: Love Interest’s Dominant Personality Traits or Concerns At This Time
2-3: How the two of you interact together
4-5: The Outcome of the Relationship if Present Course of Action Continues
6 (Optional): What You Can Do To Change It or Reinforce It

Read more

I Pity The Fool… Without Tower Power

I Pity The Fool… Without Tower Power

"The Fool"- from Revelations Tarot by Zach Wong

It’s a little towery around here of late… In the last few weeks…

My 95 year old grandma stopped eating and has gone into a nursing home. She says she is “waiting to die”. She’s quite melodramatic, but I think that she means it. My dad’s health has taken a turn for the worst, and he’s got some very serious health problems that he is ignoring quite purposefully. Things aren’t really looking good for him. A very dear, dear, dear friend of my family has been diagnosed with a brain tumor at the young age of 28. I’m worried about my brother and sister with all of this. If we lose my dad, things will get very ugly before they get better. I see it all in front of me, spiraling far beyond my control, unraveling, exploding.

Oh, but the Super Tower Infused fun doesn’t stop there! My office got robbed last week. I also was in the middle of moving offices when this happened. Timing? Uncanny, bitchez. Uncanny. Yet at the same time, I’ve had some really amazing Shakti-related stuff happening. Powerful stuff, that I am not quite up for talking about. But it’s really, really good. Also, I made some changes to my pain medicine within the last week, and I am experiencing amazing and unexpected results. Honestly, I didn’t think it would work as well as it has. I’ve actually been feeling pretty good. Sure, this always happens and I always overdo it, but… We’ll see what happens.

Synchronicity… The Hits Keep Comin’.

So… Let’s read…

Read more

Yantra Can Cook, And So Can You?

Yantra Can Cook, And So Can You?

I now know that the Gods have a wicked sense of humor. Seriously.

I had an issue a few weeks back. I… sort of fell into a yantra. Don’t ask me how it happened. Well… I can tell you exactly how it happened. I was looking at a yantra possibly in an intoxicated state… Oh. Hell. I’ll admit it. It was preceded by an Herbal Intervention. Okay?

I had a neato-beato tile of the moon yantra, and it was semi-full mooney and I was all looking at it and it was all cool and spinny and tunnelly and…


♪♫ Well, I fell into a yantra / Woah oh oh / I can’t even recall my name / Woah oh oh / Times I never hardly sleep at night ♪♫

I must be in a Misfits mood or something.

I got sucked into this crazy patterny spinny tunnel thingy that relates to this other patterny thingy that I’ve been meaning to mention.

And I was all like “Whoa! Dude!”. It was pretty sweet. Floated around for a bit.

If I look at a yantra, my eyes often play tricks on me and it looks as if it’s moving. This time it really did move. Yantra means tool, or loom or instrument. Like weaving. Patterns. Strings. I’ve never fallen into one though.

So… a few minutes ago, I ran into this, which neatly ties all the stuff I’ve been prattling on about in a big old bow…

Cosmic Blueprints (It’s kind of long… but very interesting for anyone who likes superstring theory, yantras, cosmology, patterns, the collective unconscious and things that are awesome.)

YES! This is what I’ve been seeing that I can’t quite talk about because the words just don’t come. BAM! I just got hit up side the face with a brick. Just a yoga brick though. It was pretty subtle. I think the Divine Powers That Be All Divine and The Big WTF had a good laugh about it.

The Hierophant in me thinks that the idea of cosmic blue prints is pretty kickass. The Erisian in me is bored and wants to dance to Lady GaGa while eating blueberry pie.


As above, so blow me? Bwaahahaha…

Are you happy now? Yes. I know I am. I herbally intervened on my own behalf about an hour ago.

Don’t hate the playa’… hate… erm… The Man?

Let Your Weird Light Shine

Let Your Weird Light Shine

You know what this tarotista is feeling today? A need to get back to basics. I’ve had crazygood stuff in some areas, and struggles in others. That’s about as fun as a barrel of drunken sloths. Have you ever seen a drunk sloth? It’s kind of cute, but it’s mostly just sad. I worked at Sloth Rehab in college, so I know allllllllll about these things. I would have double majored in Sloth Studies and Erisian History, but I wisely decided that Advanced Methodologies in Trolling was a better concentration. HAIL ERIS! I feel the need… the need for… mead? I’m not a fan of mead, honestly. I’m leaving that for the sloths. Nothin’ on top but a bucket and a mop and an illustratred book about sloths…. Back to basics? What? Well… I mean… erm… I guess… HAIL ERIS! AGAIN! ONE MORE TIME! WITH FEELING… HAIL… ME? No. Or… yes. Let’s hail me too. I am awesome, and I am in need of hailing. HAIL… ME!!! Narcissism ain’t a river in Narcississia, yo.

Let’s just do a Quick n’ Dirty 3-Card Draw, and see what happens… Shall we? Hooray for you! Hooray for me! Hooray for purple pumpernickel trees! Our Lady of Chaos, let your weird light shine!


7 of Wands

Grrrrrrrrrr… I am primed for battle today. Not defensive, but valliant! Full of piss, vinegar, and a spoonful of sugar! HOOOOAAAAH! I’ve been doing a lot of magickal workings around some Issues I have. Hittin’ it with a fierceness. I’m feeling rather vindicated today… Getting’ paid, getting’ paid! Cash money! I don’t know what that means, but… I suppose The Work is paying off. I am proceeding with the courage to break some bad habits and patterns, and the cojones to make the journey without falling back on them. Mentally, I feel the clarity you can only feel after a sheer bolt of intentionally wielded will. Intentions? I has them! Give me a sword! I have crap to cut through!


9 of Wands

This is a little tougher. I didn’t sleep well last night. My arse is laggin’ and draggin’. I’m in a bit more pain today than I’d like to be, although it isn’t interfering too badly. I feel as if I must push myself to get moving, to get going, to go forward. It’s a struggle, but my mind has overridden my body’s programming and is pushing it. Both with diet, and with my pain threshold. It’s kind of weird… Normally, I would expect my body in this state to drag down the rest of the show. It’s not today. It’s not an easy day, but I am accessing reserves I wasn’t aware that I had. I’m sore from working out yesterday, but I’m tuning it out and refuse to give it a rest today. KEEP ON, KEEPIN’ ON! It’s nice to know that for all my posturing and big ideas, I can conquer the small daily battles on days like these.


3 of Wands

Wowie-wow-wow… We’re still on a roll here. It’s coming together, in bright blasts and bolts. I got a HUGE kick to the head yesterday. I figured out the answer to something that has plagued me for a long time. It means more work for me, of course. It’s not something I can deal with now. I feel like I’ve worked to a certain point, and now I stand on the precipice looking down. While I am not ready to jump in the water yet, I am close. I am mentally prepared. I’ve worked for it. Things are beginning to take a shape. It sounds odd, but for an eclectic… the shape-taking is the reason we continue to build upon what I learn and discover. Culmination. Lot’s of snaps, crackles, and pops. It’s almost too much in a way. The last month has been an EPIC WIN as far spiritual junk goes. I am almost ready, I can see the way. I just have yet to make the leap. Yet, I won’t be doing it alone. This much I know. Some of this is vague, but… honestly… if things always stayed the same… I’d get bored.

What the hell? Hail Eris Kallisti Discord! Why don’t we also throw in a…

The Moon
Hmmmm… I think my tarot-tap’s gone dry. I’ve got nothin’. The Moon… Moony-Moony-Moon. Nope. Something tells me to go balls-out literal here. Maybe some of my Full Moon stuff will be coming into play? It’s all related, more or less. Argh… My brain has a dead. Maybe I’m just not supposed to know the answer. WILD CARD!

Wheel of Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes

Wheel of Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes

How can I break free of this prison I’ve created for myself? The endless wheel of self-sabotage and hopelessness with this one issue is contrary to my entire being. It’s the piece of the puzzle that will never fit. It is the wayward thread that if pulled, will unravel the whole thing. If I can conquer this within myself once and for all, there is nothing… nothing in the world that I cannot do. I am exactly what I despise… I have the tools, I have the knowledge, I have the resources, yet I cannot seem to move my ass to put it into practice. Well… enough already. It’s not been a great week for me, and I’ve been dwelling on this far more than I’d like to recently. My Big Star jeans are a bit tighter than they should be, and those fuckers were made to stretch. I will not spend over $100 on a pair of jeans and have them not fit… BAH! Saraswati has continued to come on strong through my journeys and Full Moon Fuckery. I get a sense with working with her that for me, it is largely about breakthroughs. Moments of clarity that come bolting from the blue. This is… well… typical. Have I found the Non-Eris component of my natural chaos/order, fire/water spiritual dilemma? Interestingly enough… I think we’re on to something. Unexpected. And Saraswati is alllllllllllllll kinds of Hierophanty and High Priestessy if you think about it. I dig that. So… if I know the answers already… it’s just largely about motivation or continued endurance rather than access. I am getting LOADS of piercing little breadcrumbs from her, so… Let’s keep the flowin’ goin, eh Flowing One?

I am going to hit the Big Guns on this one. I’ve been saving the Wheel of Change deck for just such an occasion. I struggle to read with it, not because it is bad. It’s actually a very beautiful and strange deck. The images aren’t all that big on traditional symbolism. Instead, they sort of draw one into more intuitive conclusions, with a dreamy shamanic quality, and the possibility for journeys. I find that I must tackle them visually, with my gut, before pulling any tradition into them. I cling to my structure, which makes me prefer RWS based decks for reading, and Thoth-based for magick and meditation. Yet this is one stunner of a deck… I’ve overlooked it before based on the packaging. It’s a bit too Cosmic Cornflakes for me, and actually detracts from the beauty and subtlety of the images. I almost picked it up for half-price when my local witchy shop went out of the retailin’ bizness. But thought… “meh”. Then after seeing it online, and ordering it I realized it was the same deck. I’d just paid more. Don’t judge a deck by the shitty design of the packaging. Judge the shitty designer who thought the shitty packaging was a good idea and not a shitty one… This deck is almost like a shamanic window of sorts for me. The whole deck is on Taroteca here, but the scans are a bit dark and don’t do the vibrant colors justice. Just a little tweaking on the contrast, eh?

Read more