I Am The Passenger… La La La La Lalalala…

I Am The Passenger… La La La La Lalalala…

What the hell is up with me? I’ve been in this really weird space for the last two weeks, and it’s been growing increasingly more difficult. I am mildly depressed, but not overwhelmingly so. I am bored with everything… even the tarot! It’s more like a lack of interest. I feel like all the reserves are empty in all of the things that usually perk my interest. TV is boring. The internets are boring. All of the books I’ve been meaning to read? Boring. Shopping is… well… I mean… that’s not boring, but I’m kind of broke right now, so it’s not as fun as it could be. I’m fatigued. I’m mentally exhausted. The changes I’m going through at work have transformed months of soul-crushing boredom to a weird roller coaster of marked with moments of utter panic ZOMG-NOT-ENOUGH-HOURS-IN-THE-DAY-SHIT-SHIT-SHIT-It’s-3:00pm-AND-I-HAVEN’T-TAKEN-LUNCH-YET-FUCK to Okay-Bored-Now-Not-Enough-Lolcats-In-The-Multiverse-To-Fill-This-Crevasse-of-Boring-Suck. I’ve been in quite a bit of physical pain, and I can go from Eris the Auntie Christ to “Christ… It’s the Anti-Eris” quite easily with no pain meds. I haven’t had a pain pill in three weeks. I am proud of myself, but as I sit here with the ligaments between my ribcage and scapula screaming, and my poor little rib heads clicking, popping, and stabbing with each move… well… I’m not saying I’d blow a homeless guy in an alley for some tramadol, but… You know what? Ask me tomorrow.

In all, I am mildly depressed. Disinterested. Disconnected. Fatigued. Exhausted. Frustrated. Needy. And let me just state for the record that this is just not me. I haven’t even bothered to read on this, which goes to show how uncharacteristic this is. Flare-ups where I am in a lot of pain are very normal to me. I don’t get this whiny though, usually. What the fork? This. Too. Shall. Pass. Time to get bootstrappy wit’ it… I’m going to bust out my Illuminated, and go to Tarot Town…
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4 of… Meh

4 of… Meh

4 uv Kupz frum Lolcat Terrow

Even though I am certifiably awesome, and above such antics… even I fall prey to the lameness of facebook memes and myspace quizzes. I can’t help it… I am a Material Girl, and like it or not, this is one damn Material World. There is no reason they have to be completely lame. It’s just that lame people come up with them, and find them remarkably clever. So… I took one lame one, and I am throwing a little bit of tarot-goodness on top. Why? Because I can!

And… I’ll tag whoever is feeling as 4 of Cups as I am right now.

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The Devil Hits on The Lovers

The Devil Hits on The Lovers

Just in time for Valium Times Day…

The Devil: Well helloooooo, Nurse! How *you* doin’? Can interest you in splitting this fine bottle of Chardonnay with me?

The Lovers: I’m not sure how to answer that. If I say yes, you might get the wrong idea. If I say no, you might be offended. I’m not sure how to respond, but I have a feeling it could have an effect on my whole evening. It’s a difficult decision.

The Devil: Well… that’s… erm… interesting. How would you feel about a nice little bottle of Cab instead? Hmmm? I’m a man of wealth and taste, and I can’t help it if my vices and the finer things in life overlap. How about it, love? If would make a horny, hairy, man with horns have a happy evening? Don’t say no…

The Lovers: Well… if you insist. It’s a very attractive offer, and I do love a good cabernet.

The Devil: To our vices… Cheers!

The Lovers: Cheers… So, do you bring a set of whips and chains and spiky collars with you everywhere you go, or are you here on business?

The Devil: These bad boys? These are… shall we say… for "recreational purposes only". They’re Cartier. Look at the craftsmanship… You can’t get whips and chains like this this just anywhere. I had them made up specially.

The Lovers: Well… they really are quite pretty. I admire a man who is secure enough within his masculinity to wear such bold jewelry! It is rather attractive, if you don’t mind me saying so.

The Devil: It may be jewelry… but I’m not the one who wears it… if you know what I mean, and I think you do!

The Lovers: I’m not sure I *do* know what you mean… I saw the whip and the collars, and I assumed that you were a lion tamer. My girlfriend Strength is a lion tamer.

The Devil: Your girlfriend, eh? Well… That’s exactly what Daddy likes to hear! So… is your girlfriend here too? Is she hot as you?

The Lovers: Simmer down now, big guy… She’d throw you to the ground just for the way you keep trying to look down my sweater! She’s not the violent type, but you’re being very inappropriate here, and it’s not attractive. And "Daddy"? That’s just gross.

The Devil: You need to loosen up, love… I’ve got a hot tub back at my place. Why don’t you and Strength stop by, and we can talk about "lion taming". Daddy can show you ladies how to tame a lion or two… and you will love it!

The Lovers: It’s been interesting talking to you… I think I’d better be going. I just remembered why I stopped dating lecherous devils.

The Devil: And why is that, pussycat? Hmmm?

The Lovers: You seem interesting at first, but then you easily get trapped in a horrible conversation that you can’t gracefully get out of. No disrespect, but you’re a tool bag. I can do much better.

The Devil: Well… If you ever change your mind, I hang out at the Arcana Club all the time.

The Lovers: *If* I ever change my mind, the Tower will explode candy, sunshine, rainbows, and unicorns. Get a clue! Piss off! {Storms off…}

The Devil: God, I love this woman!

If I Can Tarot, So Can You!

If I Can Tarot, So Can You!

I don’t learn well from tarot books, although I have many. I learn by seeing, doing, and playing. I recently attended a court cards class with lot’s of tarot noobs. I love noobs, because I am no longer one of them! I can say… “I don’t know everything, but I know some stuff!”. It’s always hard doing your first “public” reading. One of the big reasons I like going to classes is that it gives me the chance to read for people I don’t know well. It’s one thing to read for my sister or my besty, but I know their problems better than they do at times. For strangers, it’s an added challenge. I’ve found that the noobs are often as overwhelmed and nervous as I used to be (honestly, it wasn’t even that long ago!). It was really cool for me to push myself, but offer a little bit of encouragement. “Dudes… I studied tarot casually for over 10 years, but I didn’t really learn to do anything until I took this class. You’re in the right place, and if you keep at it, it will get easier”. It speaks highly of the class more than it does of my skills, but everyone has to start somewhere. Even luminaries like Mary K. Greer, Rachel Pollack, or Lon Milo Duquette had to start somewhere, didn’t they?

Studying tarot is work. It’s great work… Maybe it’s even *The Great Work*, or at major cornerstone of it. It’s work I enjoy. The payoff is tremendous. I’ve noticed that for all my years of lazy, sporadically inspired dappling, I never felt as if I had any competency whatsoever until I actually sat down to make a serious study of it. Well… as serious as an Erisian who communicates primarily in “Squees!” and jokes can be. It’s not all about the jokes! But I like jokes! I think that might be what’s allowed me to take this journey. I can be serious (sometimes). I am serious about tarot (most of the time). My sense of humor seems to cut the tension in the room, with a paper athame. Like a paper airplane, except sharper. Ohhhhhhh… ORIGAMI ATHAME! That would be sweet! An origami altar would be a fun idea… I don’t ori any gamis, but… I see what I just did there. The Chao just tossed my Tao aside in one fell swoop. I go with it.

Yet, I find that I can keep up with it, despsite the setbacks. Mysteries are mysteries for a reason, and there is a certain sense of effort involved. It’s a check and balance for me. As long as I keep it fun to a degree, it makes the more difficult parts easier. A spoonful of sugar helps the absinthe go down! I remain anchored to the earthy cheerful pragmatism that helps me fake out the MunDanish.

Writing helps also… I’ve studied tarot with some seriousness for a number of years now, but it’s made a big difference for me also. The old dieter’s maxim in regards to recording what you eat is “If You Bite It- Write It”. For tarot, perhaps it should be “If You Read It- Write It”. I’m a lot more competent that way, and I find I catch more stuff.

Getting past the idea of tarot being solely for art appreciation or divination was what probably helped me the most. Seeing that there were so many possible layers to tarot as a discipline, a tool, and an idea that it could take a lifetime or two to peel them all away. I once heard someone say that all of the answers to the Western Mysteries could be found in a single deck, if you learn where to look. I agree. In working through tarot for pathworking, for healing, for unraveling the twisty bits of my psyche, to connect with my gods and the Collective Unconscious through it’s the archetypes and symbols, for magick, and trying to “see”… It’s gotten a hell of a lot more interesting. Tip of the hat, tip of the iceberg!

Work? Yes… of course it’s work. As a kid, I always felt a great amount of animosity for not being a prodigy like young Mozart. I always thought that if you had talent or skill, it would come naturally and effortlessly. I cursed myself for not being naturally gifted with such extraordinary talents. I felt remarkably unskilled, because nothing really came easy. If it doesn’t automatically, click… Why bother? I’m glad I’ve overcome that. I could have never become a decent designer with that attitude. Design school was hell, but I ended up okay. Writing amusing prose? I could have never written anything entertaining had I not written for long enough to find my voice. I played until I got it right. That was enjoyable work, but I didn’t realize it was work until it became easy to do. Tarot is much the same… I’m still finding my way, but it’s a huge playground. I made it to the swingset, but have a long ways to got before I can conquer the slide.

Reading for the noobs, I did fairly well. No deer in headlights. No brain lapses. No cards I was stuck on. I jumped in, and my accuracy was fairly spot-on for a Tuesday evening. It snapped, crackled, and popped. “I CAN TAROT… AND SO CAN YOU!”. Note to self… Not everyone is amused by referring to the Ace of Wands as “the penis card!”.

I’m no professional… Thankfully we weren’t reading any complicated spreads. More than 12 cards gives me a Third-Eye migraine. I took Sakki-Sakki and my Illuminated to the class, and the lighting wasn’t good enough to pimp the double-painty glitter goodness. It’s best to do a RWS based deck for an intro class, since that’s where most of them start. If the Local Purveyor of Tarot Goodness and Esoterica ever has a Thoth deck, or a Golden Dawn based class, I’ll be on it like gravy on biscuits at the Hillbilly Breakfast Club. It’s easiest for me to do public readings with RWS symbolism. I may go to the next class on Tuesday. I could use a “Major Arcana… Check Yourself, Fool!” refresher course. I have a handle on the basics, but I always glean something from workshops. I don’t think I’ll really feel fully competent until I can help to teach others.

Again… we stress the idea of work. How tiring. I hate you, Queen of Pents! Bah!

The Wandy-Lust King Will Accelerate Your Protons!!! Oh Yoi Yoi!

The Wandy-Lust King Will Accelerate Your Protons!!! Oh Yoi Yoi!

Not technically a tarot related post, but anyone that uses the words “bible”, “bling”, “sex maniacs”, “string theory”, and “protons” all in one song is a god. I ❤ Gogol Bordello! Yay! It is about religion and cosmology… kind of. So it belongs here!

Oh yoi yoi accelerate zee protons!!!

Actually, Eugene Hutz is a total Knight of Wands, for serious. I had to throw something tarot in there, I suppose. I’m too tired to give it any thought. One only needs to see him perform to see that magnetic, charismatic, FIRE GOOOD! wandy-lust thing he’s got going on. I haven’t seen them play yet, but I’ve heard stories and plan to snag tickets next time they’re in the Bay Area. Perhaps he’s not the Knight of Wands after all… Maybe he’s the king!


Okay… enough shameless fawning over Eugene Hutz, and the fact that his mustache should be unattractive but rather works for him. He’s got that Sexy Time kind of thing happening. In Soviet Russia, you don’t go on mustache ride… Mustache rides you! Bwaahaahahha!

Gods… I’m tired. 10 of Swords physically. 8 of Wands mentally. 4 of Swords emotionally. Spiritually? I have no idea. Let’s call it 8 of Pents and call it a night. Good Gods… Can a brother get some 6 of Swords up in here? Damn.

You Make a Better Door Than A Window Spread

You Make a Better Door Than A Window Spread

Temperance from the Illuminated Tarot by Carol Herzer

I think it’s time to get my Pentacle Party Pants on… Awwwwwwww-yeah, son! Awwww-yeah! I haven’t done basic “Hi! Hello! Turn Your Head & Cough. What Brings You Here Today?” sort of read in a while. MunDanish? Of course. Do we love it? Of course we love it, at Casa de Chaos. Why? Because we’re earthier than a hippie covered in a bucket of mud. I gotta get my MunDanish on, and see what LeTarot has to say about my general overalls. Not that I’d wear overalls… I did that in the 90’s. There is no conceivable way I’d do it again.

That’s McMunDanish to you, son…

I’m going with the Window Spread from Power Tarot. It’s a nice, quick, to the point general spread. I’ve used it before, and it’s a good gauge of where things are at in a general sense. For my deck, I’m in the mood for the Illuminated. In all honesty, the Illuminated does best by me when it’s all about ME. It’s good for other more material matters also, but it seems to give me the best results when peering into my inner landscape, and it’s squishy emotional innards. The glitter on my Illuminated has some seriously raindrops-on-roses-whiskers-on-kittens-action happening today. And it totally was spot-on… The Illuminated usually is. It’s always kind, but to the point. Gently so, but not skipping a beat.

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