The Emperor Gives the Hanged Man his Annual Employee Review

The Emperor Gives the Hanged Man his Annual Employee Review


Emperor: We need to talk about your future with this company, son.

Hanged Man: That’s cool, man. I’m not worried about it.

Emperor: That’s exactly why I wanted to talk to you… You should be worried about it. This is not the time to be sitting idly by on the sidelines! Our company is doing exciting things! As the CEO of Disco Bitches Inc, it is my duty and privledge to make sure all of our employees are on board and ready to synergize optimal workflow during this paradigm shift.

Hanged Man: What is it that people say? ‘Don’t sweat the small stuff’, ‘Let Go… Let God’. ‘Live and let live." I’m not afraid of change, man. I just don’t get worked up over it. Whatever we’re doing, it’s cool man…

Emperor: It is your duty at manager of the Ceiling Mirror deparment to set an example to the other employees. They need strong leadership, and a sense of hierarchy. I don’t feel as if you’re accomplishing that to the best of your abilities. We’re a Meritocracy for a reason, son!

Hanged Man: I trust my people. I’m a hands-off kind of manager. I just let them do their jobs, man.

Emperor: But do they respect you? My underlings respect mah authoritah! I am like a father figure to them. Even our CFO, the Hierophant looks to me for leadership! I might dole out tough love, but so what? I hope you can think of me like a father… I am telling you this for your own good! You need to lead, follow, or get out of the way if you want to succeed in this world! I have no choice but to demote you back to Shift Supervisor.

Hanged Man: I realize that you’ve got my nuts in a noose, but I don’t see a need to struggle over it. This will work itself out. Either way is cool with me. I’m not going to lose any sleep over it, you know? No need to.

Emperor: This is your future, son! How can you be so unconcerned?

Hanged Man: Shit happens, man. I have two choices… Hang out, or get a shovel. I’d rather keep my boots clean. The view is much better from up here, man…

Emperor: We also need to talk about the results of your last drug test…

Hanged Man: Drug test… I haven’t tested any drugs. I swear, man. Just those brownies the Devil brought to the Employee Picnic, those don’t really count. Wait… what?

Emperor: Well, there is a reason why The Devil is in charge of the Sales Team… As long as he makes his numbers, I don’t care what he does in his free time. But you’re in the corporate office… You’ll never get a corner office penthouse suite with that kind of attitude!

Hanged Man: Dude… Have you ever seen the back of a RWS clone… ON WEED!!!! (laughs hysterically at own reference to the movie Half-Baked)

Emperor: INSUBORDNATION!!! Consider yourself TERMINATED EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY! This is going in your employee file! OFF WITH YOUR HEAD!

Hanged Man: Whatever…. man.

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One thought on “The Emperor Gives the Hanged Man his Annual Employee Review

  1. OMGILOVEIT!! We need to know more about Disco Bitches Inc! And this: “Hang out, or get a shovel. I’d rather keep my boots clean.” – GENIUS! I think I need to get it tattooed somewhere prominent, like my forehead. I always have bangs anyway…

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