Finding My Marbles & Losing My Religion

Finding My Marbles & Losing My Religion


 

My next few posts will be brutally honest and a bit gory in parts. If that’s not your thing, I’d suggest you skip it.

Over the last week, every time I stumble on something that resonates with me in a profoundly spiritual way, I find a marble.
I am not kidding you. I’ve found four marbles in random areas of my bedroom in the last three weeks. I didn’t notice them before, and even if I did know their orgins (two were random and antique, two were from a pair of green and yellow manekinekos that broke a while back.) it’s still fairly unlikely as to how they got there.

See what happens when you open a can of worms filled with snakes instead? I got that bitch a kundalini. Bitches love kundalini!
I am doing my final goodbyes to Persephone today. Yesterday I did an almost day long ritual of smokin’-n’-evokin’-n’-invokin’-it-well with a bit of altarcraft, cleaning, packing, more smoking, feasting and relaxing. Feasting? Since I’ve been having galbladder troubles, I’m having a lot of trouble eating almost anything but veggies, fruit, soup, a little bit of soy protein, juice, rice, hummus and dry cereal. I am desperately hungry for *real* food… Caribbean-style shrimp cantina tacos with remolade… OM NOM NOM!!!! Good goddamn… I’d kill a man in Reno just to watch him die if it meant I could partake in the delightfully delicious snack-crack-fantastic that is… THE GREAT CANTINA TACO!!!!

It’s usually in a corn tortilla with a little bit of meat and some type of really fresh slaw like lettuce or cabbage with onion and/or cilantro. Sometimes the chicken will have a bit of a kick to it and an aiole-style marinade. The sweetness of the corn-tortillas is usually perfectly balanced to the bitter in the slaw and the slight spice the chicken or pork. I don’t usually partake of the flesh of swine, but for cantina tacos, it makes for a buttery and mellow taste that also enhances the bitter.

Fuck… I’m hungry! All of this eating gingerale and black licorice is killin’ me, holmes! I want some real damn food!

I still have a very strong Kwan-Yin influence, even if December’s Kwan-Yin current has drifted elsewhere.

When first called by a god, I get a series of synchonistic coincidences followed by some ham-fisted Divine Winks and Nods like my marbles. In my definition, a current is when I decide to follow these currents out sometimes against my better and more intuitive judgments. They flow through liquid water, and swirl around propelled by some foreign source. My magickal workings are more effective. I have greater flashes of divinely inspired insight and small psychic glimpses. I experience a stronger sense of connectedness to my ensemble cast of characters. My pantheon is a bit like Curb Your Enthusiasm… An impromptu ensemble cast of strange but interesting characters. My homies lay it on thick when I embrace a current. I do more invocations of my regulars, and evocation of whomever is directing the current. If I smoke weed, the message becomes clearer and stronger. I am able to unravel the meaning behind the current, or whatever it is trying to teach me.

I traveled down many currents before I found my oasis in the overlap between the Hindu and Buddhist pantheons. These messages and the resulting shit I figure out about how I tick and my place in the universe connect to a deep love, passionate curiosity, and dedicated study of astronomy, astrology, quantum physics, cosmology, anthropology, mythology, evolutionary and developmental psychology, evolutionary biology, history, archaology, comparative religion, magick, the occult, the like.. stuff… so… You can see why a Hierophant would be tempted to throw control and caution to the wind and embrace the unsteady course of a current!

Not all currents are good for me, hence cutting of the lingering influences of the Neteru, Persephone, and Eris entirely. Some for good, others for a while.

An influence is a god whom I work with and have had currents with, but who may not be entirely active at the present. An Influence is more remote, and random. Durga has always been more of an Influence than a member of the Ensemble, so this new current with her has been amazing. Yet her Shakti/Parvati energy does not mesh well with Persephone’s Queen of the Dead/Princess of Spring aspect. Nope. Influences come and go. They are currents not completely followed or abandoned that linger, sometimes laying in wait, sometimes weighing me down.

Persephone first called me 15 years ago when I faced a very dark someone whom I loved most terribly. I revealed a bit too much, and I believe I scared him. Persephone protected me from him to a degree, but it led me down a very dark road which I am still recovering from. I am ready though. Supermoon made me ready.

I thought about this today, and promptly found a marble.

I also have gotten some good news and insight into some of my health problems.

I thought about this yesterday, and promptly found a marble.

I went through another time of great darkness, not unlike what is happening to me now. Same health problems with my galbladder. Same big types of changes. My life crashed eleven years ago, and I haven’t been the same since. My life is crashing now before my eyes, and I won’t be the same this time either.

The difference is that I’ve resumed control of the bus. Every old current that’s weighin’ me down? Back the fuck up, and get off the bus.

Smoking, the process of doing Altar-Craft, and writing are helping to bring this up. As I experience change, many old things I’ve buried have risen to the surface leaving me battered and vulnerable. I untangle the knots, free them and move on.

I see that I am in control but I have powerful allies. Durga has been trying to tell me that.

I feel so much better now than I did, and it’s only the start. I understand The Star. I may experience great pain when I embrace the currants, but it also leads to great pleasure (fuck yeah shiva-shakti sex! Do it! Do it! Do it!), great comfort (Parvati makes for a kickass living room deity), great prosperity (Lookin’ at you, Goldy Lakshmi!), and great shifts in consciousness (Keep on stirrin’ and shakin’ that pot, Sarasvati!) great transformation (to the tune of “Bad Romace”… KALI-KALI-KALI-MA… JAI MA NAMAHA!).

In the end, I’ve arrived at a good spot. I can ride this out. It’s worth it in the end.

I haven’t lost my marbles, I’m getting them back.

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2 thoughts on “Finding My Marbles & Losing My Religion

  1. How very Hierophanty of you to categorise it all so neatly 😉 I’m impressed at how you manage to work with so many, without becoming drained or confused. Maybe I’m just still too close to my monotheistic roots and the w i d e n i n g will come in due time.

    Those marbles you’re finding are probably mine. You can keep them ;D

  2. If it can’t be filtered, categorized, or color-coded, The Hierophant of the Land don’t want it! 😉

    I really wrestled with polytheism when I first began to realize that there was more going on than just energies surrounding an archetype. Even after I started juggling, it still wasn’t easy. Not so much that I wasn’t a polytheist, it’s just that I had a negative perception about being seen as a polytheist. It’s really not socially acceptable to a lot of people, and even if you don’t care what they think you still have to deal with them out in the world.

    It really didn’t feel completely with me until the I found the right gods. Or maybe there isn’t a right god, and I just like the Hindu gods for their over-the-top glam. I mean… It helps!

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