‘m going to possibly be shelving this thing, and moving elsewhere. Not sure how I want to do this yet. If any of this has been at all helpful to anyone out there, I’ll gladly let you know where I end up going. I hate it when people drift away from online communities without warning. I’m just tossing it out there… I hate it when people do that without a word.
My last post here, at least under the name Eris Hilton, will be on the vernal equinox.
I am moving on. I need to leave some old things behind that are not working, and this blog as it exists now is one of them.
It’s helped me work through a lot of stuff, and I’ve made a lot of progress. I’m just tired of getting myself stuck in that disconnected space that sometimes comes with a more independently guided spiritual path. It is what it is.
Part of the reason is that I am changing my screen name. I don’t want to, but it’s necessary. I can read the writing on the wall, and I know what I have to do. I can’t continue to have anything to do with Persephone or Eris.
It’s fucking up my flow.
The signs are obvious, and I’ve been ignoring them. It’s hard to give up the gods that first ignited the divine spark. It’s hard to say goodbye to gods I am fond of, but who quite frankly still leave me at ease.
Kali is bigger, badder, more terrible, and all consuming in her darkness than Persephone. The darkness of the underworld vs. the darkness of the endless reaches of space and time? Fuck yeah, K. is the SHIT!
Eris is a harder one to say goodbye to. I am an Erisian to the bone. I don’t know why I have to do this. i don’t want to. It hurts physically. I’ve been crying all morning. It has to be done. Eris Hilton is one of the most clever screen names I’ve come up with.
I might take the content here, and just change my name. I could do that. The journey stands alone, regardless of current developments.
That’s how I gain balance and Temperance over all of this GREAT BIG FUCK TON OF SPIRITUAL ASS-KICKERY that’s been all up in my grill of late.
Chaos vs. Order.
I don’t know if I am bidding Eris, Our Lady of Chaos goodbye permanently or just temporarily. I only know that my efforts to reign her in have not been wholly successful. I can handle the K. without the E, and I can run with the E without the K, but both at the same time? EEEEEEEKKKKKKK!
So there it is.
It doesn’t really matter. I’m mostly typing to dead air and vacant space. I’m a total forever alone, I realize. It hurts to have all of this big change happening, and it seems to do so in a vacuum because I’m just drifting out here by myself.
That’s another reason why blogging has lost it’s appeal. There is simply very little audience for this kind of bullshit, and I’m feeling like I’m wallowing and pandering to myself. I don’t want the act itself to feel so… empty. I may continue to write for myself, but just stick to tarot on the blog. I don’t know, but I can’t keep doing what I’m doing.
Something has got to give.
This isn’t good for me either. So… I’ll figure out my next step between now and then.