Yesterday we got our keys. The Magician’s family is driving me to smoke before noon! Fuck!
I am getting a lot of that good-old-bad-old-feeling… Special K rumbling in my guts. We’ve gone from Ulcerville to Possible Galstone Thingy to One Queasy-Nervous-Nauseous-Anxiety-Ridden Futha’ Muckah!
Why must she attack my most sensitive spots? My head, my neck, my bad shoulder, and my gut are where my stress lives. When it’s Kali, she goes for my poor belly. I’d like to think she doesn’t enjoy having to do it that way, but maybe it’s the only way she can really get my attention. It’s different with different gods.
This new and improved phase… Well.. It’s quite a drop. Kali’s transformative energy is just the right thing when you’re cleaning your house to prepare for a big move. With each filled up trash bag or load to take to Goodwill, I feel a little better about all this. I feel more secure. Empowered. Safe. As if this is the best and healthiest decision I could make.
Sometimes great pain is necessary to achieve great progress. I’ve needed things to change… I’m not a fan of living next door to my in-laws, but we’ve had little choice due to some rather challenging economics. Things have improved greatly, and I sincerely believe that in some small part my work with Kali has made the momentum we need to make this move even possible. Time is driven by movement. Time drives Change. Kali is all of those things.
It’s been painful, but it wasn’t kind of me to accuse her of trolling. This is part of the process.
As I’ve come to be more open to communicate with the gods, I am usually much more successful. I am more receptive because I’ve worked at it for a while, and found out how it works for me. My personal sense of intuition has gotten markedly more sharp. My impressions about people are clearer. I can read them much more easily than I once could. Magickally, I’ve thrived. My spiritual practice has taken it’s own form, and I am happy with keeping it fluid and open.
This fluidity wasn’t something I experienced until I broke my head open last year. I wonder if my current experience with Kali feels much stronger because I am simply more sensitive to it?
I am able to work, be it magickally or devotionally, in a way that takes it’s own shape. I add pieces. I take pieces away. Small random bits drift in that later prove to be vital clues to piecing together the whole message. I get it in pieces and parts, and I filter it. Filtering and making sense or patterns out of information is such a Hierophant thing to do, so no wonder I enjoy it! It’s not easy, and I’d argue that most of what I get is really of a more personal nature so it’s not something I can often work with others on.
For whatever reason, my gods enjoy giving me a breadcrumb trail. I have to figure it out though. There are no teachers or guides who can do that for me. It’s part of how I ended up here. I embrace that the path I’m on isn’t the norm, nor is it for anyone. I still believe that recording this journey is somehow of value to those out there who are drawn towards the more Eclectic Path Less Traveled. It began as mostly Tarot and whining about the shit that annoys me about the Pagan Community, but that’s certainly not what it’s turned into.
I am at a good point. I can sense the Kali energy. I understand it. I have a spiritual sort of context or connection that makes dealing with this easier. I know it won’t last, and I feel as if I have more control.
The Greek pantheon were more or less transitional gods for me, as were the Neteru. After this spring equinox, Persephone and I will be parting ways. The time is right. I no longer feel a connection to her dark, swirly, chthonic energy. She doesn’t communicate with me at all. I’ve decided that I’m not maintaining altars for gods that I no longer work with. They take up space, and feed my OCD in an unhealthy way. I can really only manage one or two. My constant arranging and rearranging is more of a ritual these days, and I don’t think including Persephone with the Hindu pantheon is the right course of action.
I don’t incorporate Eris into any work with other gods except Kwan Yin. K-to-tha-Y-But-She-Ain’t-Got-No-Jelly is the only god whose energy seems to quell my wildly erratic Erisian temperment.
Kali’s energy is dark, but it has a silver lining. No one else is that dark, but that loving at the same time. Persephone is more like a black and white split of sorts.
I don’t feel the kind of mad love for the Underworld I used to, know what I’m sayin’? I’d even go as far as to say I’m over it.
Earth is cool and all, but the rest of the Universe and the Cosmos at Large are much more interesting. I dig gods who swing that way. More Space, Less Earth Nonsense. Yo Kali-Ma, and Shiva-Shiva-Bhang-Bhang!
The root chakra is the one I’ve always struggled with. Crown chakra? No problem. That fucker is WIDE OPEN. The root chakra has some Underworld connection for me, but I can’t say I understand it. As I’ve worked on improving it, I feel less and less of a need to work with Underworld gods, aka Persephone.
It’s interesting. I say yes. Why not? Kali tugs at my guts and says yes. Persephone says nothing.
I try to be skeptical of all this stuff, even still. But… I’m probably better to just go with it.