How To Acheive MunDanish Success Without Really Trying. At All.

How To Acheive MunDanish Success Without Really Trying. At All.


We Are MunDanish. We Are Legion. THIS ISN'T SPARTA... IT'S BUSINESS CASUAL!

The MunDanish… Gods bless their little hearts! If not for the MunDanish, I, Eris Q. Hilton wouldn’t be half as half-crazed or interesting. Also, the Q. stands for Quixotic, yo! I just realized that I don’t have a middle-name, and if I am to write of the MunDanish proletariat I might as well toss an initial or two in there for good measure. Eris Q. Hilton, Madame of the Mysterious Mystery Mountains. Actually, the mountains aren’t so mysterious. A suprisingly good quality balconette bra is all a Madame needs to stay at the top of her game.

MunDanish/Grayface… It’s essentially the same. Except the MunDanish are way more smug.
Where was I? Yes. MunDanish. I loathe the use of the term “muggles” when discussing magickal fuckery with likeminded magickal fuckerists, and other Metaphysical McOcculty folks. Ugh. Seriously? Bleh. Get creative, my witchez n’ bitchez! We can do better than J.K. Rowling… “Muggles” indeed. They sound like muppets that are just ordinary everyday people, instead of talking pigs, frogs, dogs, and monsters. Bleh. The MunDanish are simply a bit more mundane or materially inclined. Nothing wrong with that, but it’s just not for me. I’m too weird and much too curious.
If you’re reading this and nodding like “Mmmmmhmmm, girl! I’m soooooo pickin’ up what you’re thowin’ down. You tell em’ Miss Eris!”, that means you’re probably a bit weird and curious yourself, in the most delightful of ways. A spoonful of DMT helps the medicine go down!
So… What is it with these MunDanish? How are they different from the witches, shamans, magicians, occultists, philisophers, conjurers, tarotistas, magickal fuckerists (i.e. one who engages in magickal fuckery, without much need for a label), Pagans, and anyone else who falls into that loveable rag-tag bunch of weirdly curious folks? If I left anyone out, I apologize. Labels are essentially meaningless here. If you’re not MunDanish, you know it all too well… even if you’re quite good at hiding it. You never know… you might end up being in a position where you have to ditch your ceremonial onion festival robes and put on some khakis and a polo shirt for science. For science! You might even find that you like it. I mean, if that’s what you’re into… Cool. Nothing wrong with being MunDanish, unless you’re just weird enough to not wired that way. You could strip away any reference to magick or mysticism, and the MunDanish would still be boring as fuck. So..
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How To Acheive MunDanish Success Without Really Trying At All. Seriously. It’s Pretty Easy.
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1. You probably shouldn’t ask too many questions. Real questions. Meaningful questions. Questions that change how you think, see, and view the world. This is the MunDANGER Zone. Anything that goes beyond who you might think will win on “Dancing with the Stars” or what you should cook for dinner is traisping into dangerous waters. This can be relieved by watching really twisted internets prons. Trust me, after you see 2 blanks 1 blank, you want want to ask any questions at all about anything ever.
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2. Any rebelling you do in your youth ought to be just a phase and short-lived as you move into the proper and expected societal standards of adulthood. Remember that time you wanted to be an artist? Well, fuck that shit, Broham. You need to finish college, get a good job, get married, buy a house, have some kids, and complain about little Broham Jr.’s desire to go to art school.
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3. You shouldn’t be afraid when your daughter little Weezy brings home a Wicca 101 book. Fear of magickal fuckery is an indication that you feel that the Great Unknown has some power, just like anything that is a little “out there and woo-woo”. If you laugh it off and make a mental note to sign little Weezy up for tennis lessons. The MunDanish think Wicca is a joke, but they take tennis very seriously.The point is, the MunDanish don’t fear because they don’t question. It’s about complacency.
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4. Liberal Protestantism is your best MunDanish bet when it comes to religion. The WASPS have that shit all figured out. A Christmas/Easter Protestant is perfect. So long as you’re not really thinking too deeply on the nature of God and the Universe. As an ex-Lutheran, Eris Q. Hilton can say this with conviction! People only come to Lutheran churches for the potlucks. Contrary to popular belief, New Agers and Born-Again Christers aren’t especially MunDanish at all. Those paths take a certain amount of passion and dedication, and a bit of soul-searching. The MunDanish aren’t into that, because it’s nice to have Sundays free for golf and yardwork. Golf is really the only qualifiable MunDanish religon other than Liberal Protestantism or Apathetic Atheism.
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5. Clothing choices vary wildly in the MunDanish world, so it’s good to pay attention. Basically, if it’s expensive and everyone else is wearing it, that’s probably what you should buy. The more khaki, the better. Practical footwear! Business Causual in settings neither business nor casual! And MunDanish ladies… Get thee to Ann Taylor, for realz. Ohhhh… Yeah… Lands End, motherfuckers! From head to toe! If your accessories boarderline on quirky/whimsical, you’re automatically disqualified.
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6. If you’re at a MunDanish Party, you can express a vaguely socially acceptable interest in the arts, literature, and theater. By vague, I mean “Oh, sure. I love art. I went to a museum once.”It’s okay if you had to read “100 Years of Solitude” for a college lit class. And theater… Hello… You know you would have loved to have had the opportunity to see Cats! You’re really much safer to stick to the areas where the MunDanish find their greatest conversational currency… Politics, Sports, and the Stock Market. Beyond that, you might as well hit the bar.
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Ain’t no party like a MunDanish party, cos’ a MunDanish party don’t start!
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7. Some quiet degree of disdain and annoyance should be expressed towards those who are different. Sure, you might make nicey-nice to the magickal fuckerist’s face, but the fuckerist knows what you’re thinking… “Get a load of this crackpot! Wait till I till the guys about this jackass!”. Yes, some of us Magickal Fuckerists are just that good! We can read your mind, MunDane Cook! Beware! You’re expected to pass judgement, even if you wait to express it amongst your peers as you frolick in a sea of khaki wishes, and L.L. Bean dreams.
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8. You should take great care not to enjoy intersting TV shows, compelling literature, or good bands. My MunDanish friend… If John Q. Taxpayer, or your target demographic likes it and thinks it’s awesome… You probably do too. Lady GaGa is one of the few exceptions, but as I suspect she might be a magickal fuckerist in her own right.
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9. The most important thing to remember, if you’re going the MunDanish way… You’re not creative, and you’re a bit suspicious of creative people in general. Who are they to ruffle the status quo with their crazy ideas and oddities? Basically, anyone who is not like you is a fucking crazy-cakes fruit-loop. You can rest smugly in your greige-painted lair, my MunDanish friend… for now. One day, a creative, a weirdy, a crazy, or an Anti-MunDanish might shake things up a bit too much, and your life might change more than you’d like. This isn’t always good… Terrorists are a bit Anti-MunDanish, and the MunDanish don’t like terrorists at all because they steal our jobs, rape our goats, and pillage our fridges in search of Klondike bars.
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Don’t ask a terrorist what they’d do for a Klondike bar… Just… don’t.
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So… be boring, don’t think about stuff, don’t be creative, don’t have ideas, don’t be a little crazy, don’t take intellectual risks, be boring, and be boring and… You can be totally MunDanish… EXTREME.
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Basically, Stuff White People Like is… kind of MunDanish, to be honest with you.
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In all seriousness, no one of us is completely without some MunDanish part of our selves or lives. I might go vaulting into Electric Shaman Cat Lady Land if I’ve had a bit too many of the good pain meds, but I still have to pay my bills and go to work in the morning. I have to go grocery shopping. I have to do my taxes. I like shopping for shoes. Target and IKEA are my happy places. I’m totally judgemental at times (to the MunDanish EXTREME and cat hoarder ladies. I don’t like cat ladies or hoarders).
The moral of the story is… Be awesome. Be weird. Be you. Be don’t givin’ a fuck. Five tons of flax. Buy American. Eat Wheaties. Or don’t! Huzzah!
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