Good goddamn, I am a genius!
Apparently this little lady can’t take diet pills and smoke the dankest dro in Christendom at the same time. Apparently, it leads to crazy-ass mystical experiences that leave a girl tore up from the floor up, and not in a fun bangy-bangy rough, ape-sex kind of a way. Not that I’d advocate having sex with apes, but the guys from Jersey Shore need love too.
I’m glad I thought wisely of regulating my Mystical Gates a little bit better. I didn’t even think about diet pills and weed having such a profound effect. Before I was legal, I usually obtained my indulgences through spotty channels, of varying quality. Having access to better product has had an interesting effect on my spiritual practices. Bottom-line? You get what you pay for. Top-shelf for me means that there could be more potential for crazy-ass shit. The rational part of my brain questions all of it. Every bit of it. “Is this the smoke talking, or something else?”. It’s made for one hell of a wild ride, but I just can’t cope with it every time I need a bit of pain relief after a difficult day. It’s not a faucet. It’s a flood-gate. So… No diet pills and dank.
Erisian Bitchez want to smoke that dro…
But the Greyface Snitchez say “Hell-Fuck-NO!”
So the mediocre mids are all I have left
Making the Order happy, but the Chaos bereft…
Moons over my Tramadol, and shwag in my bong
Who knew altered states of consciousness could feel so wrong?
I amuse myself with verse, although I don’t smoke schwag, and it’s surprisingly hard to get mids around here. It’s all good stuff, which for me is not always a good thing.
It’s a journey. It’s a process. It’s something. I used to feel bad about my recreational habits. I don’t anymore. I used to feel bad to talk about it, blog about it, or even mention it to anyone other than Mr. Eris Hilton. I didn’t want these habits to define who I am as a person. I’ve always felt at odds with my neatly compartmentalized chunks of Chaos and Order, and admitting that I’m a fucking hippie doesn’t add much value to that. I’m over it. Yes. I am. I knew once I mentioned it that the FLOOD GATES WOULD OPEN AND PART THE SEAS… OH SWEET SWEET CHRONIC! PASS ME THE PIPE AND GET RIGHT ON IT!
Kallisti-Jane is part of who I am. Kallisti-Jane is not all of who I am. I think the excitement of Mysticism Made Easy… Erm… Easier™ is a hard thing not to talk about when you are magickally and oracularly inclined. I risk alienating those who come here to read my tarot schtick, and annoying those who think that entheogens have no place in a magickal practice.
Well… I apologize to the former, and say “fuck you, Greyface!” to the latter. If I’ve learned anything from taking the Independent Eclectic Path Less Traveled, it’s that rules are begging to be broken. Those who break them can make others uncomfortable. It can make them question the rules in the first place, and for some that’s not good.
I’m not saying I know everything there is, or even that I’d advocate it. It’s taken a lot of good and bad experiences, and a lot of mystical and magickal work prior to trying entheogens to get good and comfortable with it. I am still learning.
No… You’ve got to be very, very secure about your place in the scheme of things, and very confident in your own internal reserves. It’s not a path for most, but if it is your path… You know. It’s not easy, but it can be so much better than anything else in the world. For me, it’s simply a way to bypass the Order that I’ve been blessed/cursed with by birth, and get right to the good shit. Like what has happened to me recently, it’s not always awesome. Yet I am equipped to deal with it, and I’ve paid a price in some respects. I need pain relief, but I need the physical pain to be most open to the gods. Still wrapping my head around that one.
I don’t know how to shut it off without sacrificing something. That is what I am learning now. Again… Chaos vs. Order. I crave the mystical experiences I get from my cocktail of herbs and chemicals, but I also want to have some control over them. Again, the Hierophant in me is confident that we can get to Temperance-Ass McMastery.
So, I got off the diet pills. I see that while they open up the gates in a phenomenal way (i haven’t even posted half that shit. It’s seriously fucked-up.)… It’s not something I can deal with and go throughout my MunDanish life with any amount of ease.
The bad thing is that my normal thoracic-scapular-cervical spine-fuckery may have led to another pinched nerve. This happens to me once a year or so. Shit moves around too much, and ends up pinching other nerves and shit. This complete shit is completely shitty. It means stronger pain meds for a while, and physical therapy. Both would be fine if I didn’t have such crappy health insurance. I work for a place that is large and prosperous enough to be less stingy with the benes. MunDanish as fuck? Hell yes. This tells me that I might have some challenges controlling the Gates.
So… I’m going to read on this. I have an idea for a spread that might help. Will post an entry on that in just a bit.
Pardon me while I go pop some Aleve, and slather myself in Biofreeze while I wait for the coming apocalypse (i.e. It’s too early for weed, and my daily allotment of pain meds have almost worn off.)