I am still immersed in MunDanishness…. Ugh… House-buying is going, but it is not going well. I feel like we’ve exhausted many of our options, and what’s left over is quite simply put- depressing as fuck. I can take a little bit of cosmetic TLC. Hell… At this point, I’m even game to gut a buttfuckugly kitchen and IKEA it up right, if the place is in the right location. For a buyer’s market, I certainly didn’t think it would be this hard. It’s taken over my life, and I am not enjoying it in any way. Another offer fell through, and I suppose I was naive enough to think it might work. I’ve neared tears while looking at listings, when I see what we’re reduced to… It’s ugly. I’m almost ready just to give up, and we’ve barely started looking. I guess I’ll have to lower my standards of a cute house with a bit of character and potential, and downgrade to a California MiniMcMansion Foreclosure monstrosity, where the house is almost too big for the lot. I don’t want my lawn to look like a landing strip (not the kind that planes land on…). Give me full bushes! Bwaahahahahahh!
I am obsessing over it, but I don’t feel as if I ever get a break. I feel this horrible energy coming from many of these homes, as if they were left in shoddy shape, rotted and unloved for a reason. Foreclosures make me feel terrible. Someone else has to lose a dream for mine to come true? Karmically, I don’t know if I’m okay with that. So… We read. I don’t know what else to do. I’d like to eat some chocolate, drink some wine, and set an appointment with Sir Bubba of Kush, but… I’m going to read instead. No spread- Just ask-n-flip. I tend to drill down to the heart of the matter better that way. World Spirit is the deck for the job…
Will we find something we like by January? The Wheel/7 of Wands
Maybe… it remains to be seen. There are variables here that *could* make the right place appear. It doesn’t look like I get to find out yet. Something is still in flux. It could be yes, it could be no, but the 7 of Wands says “Buck the fuck up, Buttercup.” I suppose she’s right. I’ve been an emotional basketcase over even the smallest thing. Yet it also says that I need to stand my ground.
What do I need to work on right now? Princess of Cups/The Devil/King of Pentacles
This is why the World Spirit deck is one of my very favorites for material matters. It always nails it. I cried my eyeliner off today because of this horribly depressing listing with the kitchen that looked like the ass-end of a drunken, transient squatter. It’s not at all rational. I’ve been so cuppy over all this, and Principessa sums it up nicely. Yet… The King is Mr. Pragmatic. Financially, I’m worried about getting stuck in a place that we can’t afford. El Diablo- Here is your cue. I feel stuck between my pragmatic side that knows that the financial part of the transaction is really the biggest deciding factor in all this, and my cuppy side that wants to find a place that feels… home. I feel torn between what feels right and what is right. I am intensely conflicted by it, and I feel completely trapped by what both entail. Yes, El Diablo… Feel free to cackle with evil, gooey, glee… you fucker. I need to find a balance. I keep pulling Temperance (although I didn’t this time), so there is a lot of truth to this. More than I care to think about, honestly.
Will the eventual deal that results be under our terms/price?– Three of Pents/6 of WIN
I believe that we will eventually be successful in our search for the right home at the right price, but I’m thinking the 3 of Pents hints that we’ll have a little bit of work to do. Some changes to make. We’ll have help, and it will be a collaborative effort. We have a lot of creative folks and craftsmen in both our families (Mr. Eris, and I), and I could see them coming through. It will happen, but might just take a bit of work. Work, I can handle. Avocado green shag carpeting that will require several years of use before we can afford to replace it? Can’t. Won’t. Nope. Suck it, Trebeck.
What do I need to do to make that happen?– Strength/9 of Pents
I need to stay the course. I’ve got to rein in my emotional turbulence, as it’s not serving me. I get the 9 of Pents a lot when I read on MunDanish matters, as I believe that is how many other people see me. Smart, savvy, successful, experienced, well-dressed, professional, witty, urbane… Strength also has particular meaning to me being a Leo. In the context of what I need to do to make this happen… I need to do what I do best. I need to be more confident in all of this. I also see how the 9 of Pents can represent our realtor. She’s very wise, experienced, and uber-professional in her own right. Perhaps I need to trust in her and have more confidence in her. I’ve been lagging due to lackluster listings. The two go hand in hand, really. Trust the 9 of Pents you’re working with. Trust the 9 of Pents in yourself. It’s not impossible…
What is my biggest obstacle?– Ten of Swords
Yes. Well… That would be myself and my whining, teary eyed martyrdom. “There are no houses we like in our price range! OMG THE SKY IS FALLING! FUCKPEANUTS!!! WAHHHHHH!”. It’s like extreme pessimism for amateurs. I laughed when I pulled this, but it’s good in a way. In previous reads, I pulled the 9 of Swords pretty much everytime. I wonder if we’re getting past the bad parts, and me getting over myself is what has been in the way.
How can I stay focused and positive?- Knight of Wands
He’s really good at that, even if he doesn’t know what the hell he’s talking about.
What’s the worst that could happen?- 6 of Swords
We could possibly take a break for a little while, just to get some perspective. It would not be permanent, however. I can live with that, honestly. I could easily get so bogged down by the process that I give up for a while. I’d rather that not happen, but if it does I can live with it far better than over-paying for a mortgage on a house I don’t enjoy living in.
Why is this such a huge emotional issue for me?- Two of Pentacles/Justice
Interesting… I am thinking that it’s just part of the process, and that I’ve got to keep things in perspective. I need to find a balance between what is financially feasible, and what feels *right*. When I pulled the Devil, I knew there was a push-pull around that whole issue. Yet the 2 of Pents seems to say that both are equally important, and that I can work through them both while I am working on the more MunDanish aspects of the house search. I feel the need to keep moving, despite the set backs. I feel that this is the right time, that the right house awaits, that it will feel right when we find it. We’ve worked hard to be able to this… We’ve earned it! I feel insulted and wounded to see things that aren’t right as in “What the fuck is my agent doing me sending me this horribly depressing yet over-priced listing? Someone cue the existential waterworks!”. Justice is swordy when she is all about entitlement, and damnit… I’ve got more than a little bit of that.
Resolution?– The Hanged Man
Bah. I’d better stop asking. They don’t want to tell me how we get from Point A to Point B, but nothing will happen until I pull my head out of my ass. The problem is that I have no recollection of putting it there in the first place.
To be determined. Thanks, Wheel!