Mr. Hilton and I are in the process of buying our first house. It’s a big thing for us. Possibly the biggest thing we’ve ever done aside from moving from one coast to the other… and back. I never thought we’d be able to do it, especially living in California. It looks like it really is happening, which is exciting, scary, overwhelming, nerve wracking, and awesome all at the same time. We found a great place for a sweet price, and we needed to pounce or else.
I’ve tried reading, but I’m too nervy and the cards show it. I did a bunch of spreads that all seem to jumble together. Most of them were the same cards, and I was struggling so much that I just gave up. It was murky in there, man! I couldn’t see the forest through the fleas!
Repeat offenders? The Fool! It’s good! Death! It’s a transformation, but like the good kind and… Halloweed! I mean Halloween! Okay. I meant weed. 6 of WIN! YAH! Ace of Cups! Ace of Pents! Ace of Wands! 2 of Cups! 7 of Cups! 4 of Cups! The Lovers! The SUN! THE WORLD! JUDGEMENT! 2 of Pents! It’s like a slot machine of everything I want to hear, but I still don’t believe it and I doubt myself. So I ask what my challenges are, and I keep pulling the 5 of Wands. 5 of Swords. 9 of Swords. The Tower… Reversed. And what can I do about it, I ask? 8 of Cups. Temperance.
These are all indicative of an internal struggle. I tend to have anxiety issues with any kind of big decision, either good or bad. I don’t sleep when I’m wrestling with something this big. I feel conflicted. I feel pessimistic. I feel that by being hopeful, I’m just lying to myself. I need to focus on the positive here, in a real way. I need to leave my anxiety behind. I need to rest. It’s sapping my energy. I’ve been awakening at night much like the 9 of Swords, my gut brain howling at me. Buying a house is such a big decision. If we don’t do it now, we may not be able to. It’s the right place to be, and it’s the right time to do it. Every part of me knows that, except the anxiety. Blah. I only get this way on occasion, but I don’t like it. It’s simply not in my character.
I don’t usually read with reversals, but I kept pulling the Tower reversed several times. To me, it seems that a lot of my worry over nothing is just that… nothing. My multiple anxieties and worries over things that haven’t even happened yet is really all for naught. It’s simply not a real thing to worry about. I envision the tower and its inhabitants tumbling to the ground, yet it’s not actually happening. It’s all in my head. As are some of the bullshit stuff I’ve been fixated on.
8 of Cups says… “Leave the bullshit behind, and move forward”. Temperance says “It’s a process… It’s only natural that you’re going to feel some stress and uncomfortable feelings over such a big decision. You must balance it with the good, and go through the process.” So… feel your feelings, but don’t feel the feelings that are bullshit feelings?
No wonder Kali is trying to get my attention. I need to pull my head out of my ass. I have an amazing amount of luck on my side. I’m working with a good team of people. The transaction looks relatively smooth, although it will be scary a first. A big change. Yet it will truly be a new start. Transformation? You bet your sweet Santa Muerte it is! Also, I thought that Death coming up again and again was appropriate for Halloween.
The key to all of it?
I kept getting the Four of Pents too… Hold on to your money! Over and over again. Hold on to your money! I was frustrated by that. I keep thinking that we need more money to make this happen. Maybe it’s more a matter of holding on to what we have, and not being so willing to put it out there. I realized that with one potential house, we’d be getting a hell of a deal. Well below market value, with much lower payments than we’d figured for. The answer is simple… Roll part of the closing costs into the loan! We’ll still be far under the LTV, and the total would still come to much lower than we’d anticipated. It would free up enough cash to get us started. There is painting to do!
If I got all sharpy-pointy mean scary cards, I’d be in trouble. There were simply too many good cards in good spots for me to doubt them too much. Energy wise, I shouldn’t have tried to read. I tried too many decks, and I just couldn’t get a feel. Same cards, no connections. I did figure it out today, I think.
I went to my Ascended Master Oracle and asked…
“Is buying this house, the best and most right decision for us?”
The answer? “Write”. Thoth. Write?
So I flipped over another card.
Is it right?
Cute. Very cute, guys. The gods do have a sense of humor… It’s just that sometimes they don’t always have very good senses of humor… Cough*YAHWEH*cough*cough.
Thoth was being punny, and if you roll with the Neteru, you know he’s down with the wordplay.
Write. Yes… The term “write” can also be used in a financial transaction. “Writing” basically means that you’re selling a service, and are drawing up a contract of some sort to go with the sale. An idea from one of my exams always sticks in my mind where one is “writing the right to buy”. You’re buying the right to buy at a certain price, essentially. Kind of the same thing as a good faith deposit to sweeten the deal on a real estate purchase agreement, to ensure that they’ll take your first offer instead of trying to squeeze more out of you?
Hold on to your money, but also know when to fold em’, Grasshopper…
I feel pretty good. Nervous and excited, a bit scared, but good.
The Tower reversed… DUH! I’m moving and I’m all overwhelmed by the process. The hand of God(s) picks the tower up, shakes out all the riff-raff, and sets her down nice and gentle-like. Perfect. Got it.