Shirk The Monkey!

Shirk The Monkey!


The Evil Monkey is not in my closet. It's on my back. And it demands delicious and nutritionally-void snacks.

I vaguely recall saying that I had a good idea, but as it turns out… I actually have more than one. In actuality, I often have a lot of good ideas. Follow through is something I’ve always lacked, but this is the ever-growing size of my ass we’re talking about! If I don’t follow through, I might as well stock-up on muumuus and house slippers and an econo-sized tub of bon-bons to nom-nom on while I watch my stories on the tee-vee. Yeah, total bullshittery on that last part. I haven’t watched a soap in probably 15 years, and the day you catch me voluntarily in a tent-like garment will be the day I idolize Ann Coulter, get saved by Jebus, and vote Republican. In other words… that is probably not going to happen. Ever. Not that there is anything wrong with those things, but they just aren’t very fabulous. I am very fabulous. You wouldn’t know it from all of the hippie shit I post, but I am not a hippie either… on the outside. Inside, it’s all hippie all the time. Except I’m not into peace or love as much as you’d expect, quite frankly, because they’re simply not that interesting.

My point… I’m not an advanced magickal practicioner in any sense of the word. I’m no noob, but I’m no Lon Milo Duquette either. There are some areas where a little will-bending on my part goes a long way. Weight loss or motivation to do so so is not one of those areas. My best work tends to involve business success, finances, healing, protection, and help with little petty mundane matters. Knowing this, I keep trying new ways to get my head in the game where it belongs. The problem is that it never lasts very long. Usualy through the first week, I feel an extra bit of support, or a little spark of energy that keeps me motivated. Yet after about ten days, it fizzles and backfires in the other direction. Obviously, the Mysterious Moon element in my struggle is pulling it back into a deep well of personal ick. Sabotage! Why? I think I’ve got a monkey on my back, and I have a feeling I made this monkey. Now… how do I get it the hell off?
If you google weightloss spells, you’ll come up with all kinds of crazy stuff. Some of it might be effective in the hands of the right person, but most of what I’ve done is a bit more indepth than Teen Witch Needs To Lose 5lbs By Prom sort of fare (although I ought to give that egg-transfer thing a whirl. What the hells?). I’ve failed at magickal fuckery when it comes to weight loss. Time to delve deeper. If I can get rid of the monkey, I’ll be good. Perhaps I need to focus on banishing, rather than empowering. Still, this has little to do with my big idea. It’s only a little part of it.
It’s not like I don’t expect to work at this by dieting and excercising, I just need to shirk the monkey. SHIRK THE MONKEY! SHIRK THE MONKEY!
I thought about Donald Michael Craig’s technique of Dancing the Tarot. What about Dieting the Tarot? In thinking about it, I’ve heard before that it takes 21 days to establish a new habit. Well… There are 21 one big boys in the Majors too, now aren’t there? Well, the Fool is the one making the journey, so his naive ass doesn’t count. Each major has a story or a lesson or a focus or an energy. All of these could apply to a diet and excercise plan in some way. I am going to start with the Fool to start, and work my way through the deck by focusing on a card each day. I’m not sure exactly what I’ll do, but just meditation isn’t quite my goal. What would each card do in my shoes? What would the Star eat? What would the Devil caution me to avoid? How would Justice react to a scale fluctuation? If I am ready to ravenously devour a sack of jellybeans and I’m working with The Chariot, wouldn’t he suggest that I hop on the treadmill instead? I think you can see there is ample opportunity for possibility here. I don’t have a formal plan in mind, but by taking a card each day and applying its energy or the lessons it has to teach me to my goal is something I’ve never tried before. Surely someone else has tried it before?
If not… well… I am all kinds of fucking fancy, aren’t I?
It’s a focus. My reading indicated that I needed allies… I can’t think of a better ally than a tarot deck, really. I’m sure things will unfold as I go along. I often have challenges after the first week of a diet, which could easily be reflected in the progression of the Fool in his journey down the path. Once I get to the World, there are always the minors. Just off the top of my head, you could really explore specific food issues with the minors.
DIET-TAROT! Woohoooo!
Where to start? I pity the fool who doesn’t start with the fool…
I also called in the cavalry in a few other places, but this is the best idea of the lot, I think. I might hold off on picking up one of those Blessing Weight Loss mojo hands they’ve got over at Lucky Mojo. Maybe I won’t need it… (I find rootwork quite fascinating, and I think it would be worth some study at a later point in time.)
Sure, it could all end in failure, but I like this idea. The Star popped up in my previous reading, so I think its a good sign. It’s my best one yet. It gives me tarot related stuff to write about other than long-winded spreads whining about my dieting woes.
Awesome? Me? Why yes, thank you… I am!
I just need to decide which deck to work with. It should be one I don’t use as a go-to, or that I don’t read with often. Lately, I’ve been rolling with my pocket RWS or Nutsy Tara. I would probably do better with RW symbolism, just because I know the minors can drill things down to specifics better for me. Jolanda is too out there, and I think my Illuminated is too soft. I’m going for the World Spirit. I can’t think of any other deck with the same amount of cheerfully frank tenacity which is perfect for the task at hand. Besides, it hasn’t been my go-to for a couple of months, and I’m sure its getting lonely. Nothing Thothy… This is not a task for T-Bird & Friends.
SHIRK THE MONKEY!
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3 thoughts on “Shirk The Monkey!

  1. You know you’re a genius, right? Well you are. And more than that, an *inspired* genius. This is INSPIRED!

    Based on what you liked to in the previous post, I was expecting you to build your own diet goddess or some such, but this is even better! And it has such potential for application on a wider range of topics. You’ve reeeeeally got me thinking about this one…

    1. Me? Genius? As you know, flattery will get you more places than Mastercard! This one totally slapped me upside the head, for sure… 🙂

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