I’ve come to realize that I have a very strange relationship with my gods, and I’ve never talked to anyone else with the same sort of… problem. I don’t know if it is a problem, but I hardly need more ammo to make me any weirder than I already am! BOMBS AWAY!
I seem to be a sort of convenient polytheist. I don’t call on gods I don’t know, but oddly enough they call on me. I’ll get some gods dropping hints, getting all synchronistic on me out of nowhere. Hints will be dropped. References popping up randomly when they shouldn’t. Seemingly random occurrences that I’d normally write-off untill they keep happening. I’m sure my skeptical friends could explain this rationally, but what fun would that be? I don’t need rationality when it comes to forging a connection with the Divine Powers The Be All Badass & Shit. If I over-analyze as I’ve done in the past, the process or the connection seems to lose something very precious yet wholly undefinable. The experience is what drives me, I suppose. Those gods… Eventually, They drift in. We’ll work together for a while. I’ll have some very interesting and enlightening results. The timing is almost always uncanny. Yet invariably, they drift away yet again. When we’re done, they seem to fall off the radar. Back to where they came? I don’t know. When the work is done, it’s simply done. I don’t always know it’s done, until I realize that I haven’t “felt” that presence in a while, or that section of Altarville seems stagnant. I don’t mourn it, particularly. I don’t have that kind of relationship with them. When we’re done, we’re done. Sometimes for a while. Sometimes, I wonder… for good? I haven’t been at this for long enough if temporary is really just that. Temporary.
It’s almost like being in permanent seeker mode. When you’re a seeker, much of the journey is spent looking for the answers, the right fit, the right group, the right gods. You go where you’re called, even if you don’t know the destination. One assumes there is one. The difference for me is that there is no destination. Instead of seeking a safe port, I am content to explore the depths from my rickety raft.
So I drift from pantheon to pantheon, idea to idea, seeing where I’ll go. The only constants are tarot and the idea that the long strange trip is really what it’s all about. I know how I perceive deity in terms of theology and cosmology.
It makes me feel like an independent contractor. A pantheon jumper. I am not unhappy with it. In fact, I rather like it. I certainly don’t get bored. Yet I wonder if there is something deeper that I am just not ready to grasp yet. I’ll take what they’re ready to give me, and I’ll give back what I can in kind. Yet… is it enough for now?
I blame a little bit of this on Erisianism. It’s not all jokes. The random bits form a pattern that is shattered again and again. Flotsam. Jetsam. Go on and get some.
Some of them stick… Maybe I just haven’t found the right one yet? Someday I’ll worship the god of my dreams…
Word to y’all Bible Thumpers, the god of my dreams is not Jesus. It’s Shiva and Shakti. Literally. I don’t typically have gods show up in my dreams very often. Those two have kind of shown up on the scene… like a yab-yum machine. I have no idea what it means, and I am utterly delighted!
Philosophically and spiritually, things are consistent. It’s like the same play with a different cast of characters. I’m not looking for anything or anyone in particular. I just like to look. Which is really different than liking to watch. Which I don’t. So don’t get any ideas…
I follow the currents. I stop at the small islands a long the way. Sometimes I’ll dock overnight in a nice port, but I won’t stay for long. I think about the phases I’ve gone through where gods drifted in and out into the periphery of my consciousness, and into the hint-dropping MunDanish world. It’s all revealed a lot about my path, and I’ve no doubt grown from the experience. Since November, the Hindu pantheon has gotten its tenderhooks into me and has not let go.
Again, I suppose it makes sense that Shiva has been hanging around lately.
I’m not sure I want it to. I understand these gods in a very different way than the Hellenic and Egyptian gods I’ve worked with before. For me and what I do, they seem to be more alive, more vital, and they come on much stronger. Warmer. Brighter. More connected. More like a home I’ve known before, but only recently realized that I was missing. I am noticing things I never noticed before. Instead of me docking my little raft on an island oasis, they’ve packed their bags and hopped on board! Ganesha, Lakshmi, Durga, Saraswati, Special K, and Tara too (not quite Hindu, but overlappy). I am not a Hindu, nor can I claim to be. There are a lot of traditions that fuse the Modern Paganism and witchcraft of the West with elements and aspects of Hinduism. The Shacan Tradition is the closest thing I’ve found. I’m not ready to make that leap yet, although from what I’ve read it appears to be the closest thing to the path I’m ambling down.
Magick and witchcraft are viewed in a very negative light in Hindu culture. I feel a bit guilty, but then again I didn’t choose this. It showed up on my door step and said “Guess who is going to find really gaudy Ganesh statues in the home decor bin at Ross?”. I do, actually. Recently my local Ross has had a shit-ton of resin Jesus, Buddha, and Ganesh statues, complete with tacky sparkly paint and weird beads glued on. I have a really tough time with invocation or evocation of any gods except those of the Hindu pantheon, and Eris (of course!). I don’t recommend invoking Eris. It’s a bit… rough. Evoking is the way to go. If she pops up during some pathfinding, it almost always ends in a dance number. I seem to have more of a connection to them that makes it easier to do so willfully.
I’m just not ready to get off the boat, because this boat fucking rocks!
I’m enjoying the view. I have a drink in my hand. I am enjoying looking at the universe, rather than just looking at Nature. Nature is great and all, but the Universe is way bigger and way more awesome. I don’t consider my path Nature or Earth based at all, even though both are important to me. I am far more interested in what lies beyond the earthly world. Patterns, microcosms, macrocosms, and the creative/destructive powers of time are on the forefront of my mind. I’m just a little cog in a great big wheel, but when I see how beautifully vast and inpentratable the cosmos and the divine really are… Shit. I’m happy to be along for the ride. My life is too small and insignifcant compared to all that, so I might as well enjoy it while I’m here. My work with Special K & Friends, as I’ve come to know her through them has dramatically impacted my view of cosmology.
It’s all about the science-pants. That doesn’t mean the spiritual element isn’t in there somewhere. 2012? Bah. Whatever. Bollocks. We, as in stupid humans, don’t know everything there is to know, but we’re trying. We’re not as evolved as we think we are. We have a looooooong way to go. I think we have a lot of potential to do great things, as long as we start learning from our mistakes. Yes. That. Why don’t we give it a try, humanity? Eh?
Man… what’s up with the self-indulgent philosophuckery today? Well… If you have a dog, then it can bite me. But not too hard… I am a delicate shrinking violet, and I bruise easily.
One could argue that drifting and floating to where your muses and sirens call you isn’t the best way to have “deep theological discourse”. Those folks can bite me too. My own personal theology doesn’t change much or change me, although it’s evolved a bit over time (i.e. pantheism to panentheism/monism). Discourse deese nuts! Bwahahah! One could also argue that I’m not putting any effort into it. Now that, my friends is a load of horseshit. Not bullshit… I’m accustomed to the smell of bullshit, as it’s something I spew often. Horseshit. The Drifting Path entails work of it’s own. It takes a certain kind of person to abandon themselves to receive whatever the gods have in store, working onward from that point rather than working towards it.
Perhaps the Hindu gods are going to stick around. And the Buddhist gods too. Perhaps the drift continues, but I’ll have company?
No expectations… Just go with things as they come up. That’s the The Drifting Path, essentially.
We go where we’re called. Maps are helpful, but aren’t always needed. Trust me when I tell you, the current will do you well if you can relinquish enough control to let it.
The life of an Erisian Drifter isn’t so bad… I can totally pull a wake-board behind my Rickety Raft.
I am still unraveling the Shiva/Shakti thing. Time will tell.