Have A Ball… It’s Bel-Taint! Hell… Have Two!

Have A Ball… It’s Bel-Taint! Hell… Have Two!

May Day... It's All About Who Has The Fanciest Pole.

I take a fairly laissez-faire attitude to “Pagan” holidays that dot the Wheel of the Year, i.e. the Ones That Most of Us Modern Pagany Folk In The Western World Are Aware Of or Pay a Bit of Attention to Whether We’re Wiccan or Not Because Godsdamn It Almost Everyone Is Down With The Wicce-Wickity-Wack-Yo Or Has Close Pagan Friends & Neighbours Who Are or Like to Party Down in Wiccan Town With The Wise Guys And It’s All About Nature And Shit Anyways and Since The Whole Earth-Based Spirituality Often Applies… Fuckitall to fuckery… I had a point here.

Callin’ All’ Y’all Big Booty Witches

Shake those asses and drink like fishes!

This Rite is Great like Sid is Vicious

Cakes and ale? Motherfucking delicious!

Wheel of the Year… Yeah. Still, even though I don’t really do public circles or rituals for these holidays, I pay some attention to their occurrence as they are tied to the changing seasons. I like Nature. I love the changes that take place, and I happen to live in a place that has exceptionally lovely springs and falls. It doesn’t break my heart if I’m off by a week, but if I do choose to do something to honor that time, it invariably feels like the right thing to do. Some I forget, but not all.

Bob Marley was a Natural Mystic.
I am a Casual Mystic.
Yeaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh BOY!

Of all of the Wiccan/Pagan Holidays, I’m a bit fan of Bel-taint. I mean… Beltaine. Or do I? Also known as May Day. It also happens to be tomorrow.

Beltaine is a sexy holiday! I’m not planning on running around naked in the woods, but if that’s what you’re into…Make sure you put a “Loincloths Optional” sign by the gazebo or something. It’s bad timing for me. I just did a bit of Full Moon Revelry a couple of days ago. I don’t do a ton of ritual work. Maybe once a month, sometimes twice if there is a issue that needs a Magickal Ass Kicking. Twice in the same week is a bit much for me. It’s draining. I’ve always liked Beltaine, but I usually forget about it and don’t end up doing anything.

Despite my protests… It’s going to be different this year! Why? I actually had some shopping planned with my BFF tomorrow, and there is no reason why I can’t do some drinking tonight. Nothing says Beltaine like wine and weed! You can quote me on that. In fact, it’s just so nice, that you can quote me twice!

I’m a Casual Mystic. I am not the Pompatus of Love. I am the Pompatus of Slack. Whatever man…

I know… I know… Polly Pissy Pagan would probably argue with me about the validity and authenticity of my celebration plans. “You Are Ignorant & Not a Real Pagan & I Think You Are Stupid & Ignorant & Don’t Read The Cool Pagan Books On The Required Reading List!” I’m a little bored with Polly Pissy Pagans who need to get over themselves and lighten the fuck up. I’ve read the books. Most are boring. I’d rather read about super-strings and m-theory than Wicca 101, for realz yo. That’s just me.

I just noticed that I am unintentionally mondo-megauber-ranty today… Man… All snide and passivesque-aggressivey with the digs towards the Greater Pagan Community of North America. Oh well… I have a right to! PMS… HELLZ YES! So… uh… it’s a Manifestation of my Sacred Feminine Wommyn Time Cycle of The… Ugh. Even as a joke that shit gives me the hibbity-jibbities.

I’m all for grrl-power, but I prefer swingin’ lingams if you know what I mean, and I am positive that you do. None of this yoni-baloney. Bwaahahahahah!

I am a big hypocrite and a mess of contradictions, and I’m here to party! I am awesome! Seriously. Yawn.

There but for the grace of Bev Mo, go I!

Happy Beltaint, kids!


2 thoughts on “Have A Ball… It’s Bel-Taint! Hell… Have Two!

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