I’m glad I’ve decided to give my treatment of The Diet Demon a bit more in-depth approach. Things didn’t get this way overnight, and I can’t expect them to correct themselves overnight either. I might want to use the time around the full moon to check in on things. I feel like I am making good progress (I haven’t gained back everything I lost three years ago. That’s progress, isn’t it?). I turned down Cadbury eggs yesterday. Small things are good. Self-Sabotage doesn’t stand a chance if I keep kicking it’s ass (With Kindness, as Kafka’s Ghost reminded me. Kindness.) I came across a nice little 5-card spread online at some point in time, and though I’d give it a try. Why not? PROGRESS, BITCHES. Progress.
Cardwise, I am really off today. Struggling to read, even though I am getting good stuff. Eh… well… it happens.
This spread has no name… I am re-naming it… No Weigh!
1. How I got to this point in my weight gain Hierophant
I’m going to keep this one simple, since the Hierophant in my spreads seems to take over madly. My job. My job is highly hierophanty, and brings out my inner Sponge Bob Hieropants. I’ve gained weight since coming to work here a year ago. I am surrounded by younger women who are unhealthily obsessed with their bodies, who won’t touch a drop of any office treats. I feel bad when people bring us treats. They won’t eat them. I do. I feel awful. It’s not made things good for me.
2. Where I would like to see myself
7 of Cups
Of course… I’d like to see myself where I envision myself. Enjoying the summer in my awesome summery dresses without feeling as if I’m too rotund to parade around town in them. The difference between looking awesome in a summery dress and looking pregs is about 20 lbs for me. In my mind. It could be all in my mind. I don’t want to feel that way, and I just want to enjoy the Season of Dresses & Flip Flops. Man… I could wear summer dresses and cute flip-flops allllllllllllll year round if possible, but it’s simply not. Dressier sandals with them for less casual affairs, of course. I’m a bit fan of gladiator sandals, as I rock them. Wedges… Hell, I’m short! I will take what I can get. Strappy borderline-slutty sandals? LOVE THEM. All of those things fit fine, no matter what my ass-baggage is doing. Yet… they feel so much better when worn with the right thing. I don’t want to feel less than adequate. I simply want to feel good, and comfortable in my own skin. With… PLENTY OF WARDROBE OPTIONS. I am on the slippery slope between regular sizes and plus sized. Ugh. I don’t want to go rolling down the mountain. Seriously… I can get blind sided by a sales rack of cute, summer dresses. I want those options to be available, and looking for the wayward xl to be hidden in the rack. I want to feel good, and not let this be a burden this summer. 7 of Cups… I never would have thought it would come up here, but it is very appropriate if I am honest with myself.
Weight loss has never been much about health for me. It’s always been about fashion.
3. Weightloss/Fitness Challenges for the month
4 of Cups / Four of Pents
I have a feeling that overcoming a major source of BLAH might be coming my way. I haven’t had a really bad case of BLAH for over a month or so now, and I am definitely due. I’ve had some bad news about my family, and a lot of shit to deal with. I can fee that focusing on all of the other shit might make fighting my demons a difficulty. We’ve also had a string of GLORIOUS weather, but in my part of Northern California, we could still get some good rainstorms and maybe another snow storm before May. That could sink me like a stone, esp. if I am obsessed with pimping my cute sandals and pedi in the sunshine. Not getting bored and giving in is a serious issue for me, esp with fighting weather-driven malaise. I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOO ready for spring, but it may not stay that way. I also just pulled the 4 of Pents. I could see just keeping it bottled up, and not really making any strides to make changes would happen under yucky weather and BLAH circumstances. Well… we can’t have that. At least I know what to be on the look out for. I have more allies than I think I do… What is hidden behind door number 7 of Cups? Seriously. I’m looking for the Key to the Castle. So… I must, despite the costs (Shut up, 4 of Pents!) keep looking.
4. What I should focus on to reach my goal for the month
BALANCE. The natural ebb and flow tends to balance things out where they should be. It is about forging ahead with the sword, while also minding the scales. Temperance could apply here, but Justice implies more of a fight. Temperance has it set into motion, and is just minding it. Justice fights to make the corrections, to bring it into balance, and then when it’s time… Temperance can take over. For me, I see this as looking thoughtfully at what my body needs, and doing what is right to bring it back into that sense of balance. Most conventional diet advice does not work for me. I may thrive, but I will not lose. Exercise is rough too… Because of my pain issues, there are a lot of things that I can do only to be in excruciating pain for days afterwards. It took me three weeks to get over one night of spin class. It’s daunting. But… I know what I can do. I can hit the treadmill. I can go for the eliptical. I can do some strength training, so long as it’s not too much strain. My body can handle that. For food, my body naturally thrives on lean protein, green veggies, and fruit. Easy on the carbs, easy on the refined sugars. My body needs to eat when hungry (no need to go blood sugar crazy on everyone!). I also thrive when I don’t eat past 5:00pm. I need to go with what I know works to lose weight, and what works with how my body likes to be. It’s not hard… nor is it the science of explody rockets. The Diet Demons and Self-Sabotage get in the way, but… JUSTICE HAS A SWORD AND SHE WILL BE OUT FOR BLOOD IF YOU MENTION CADBURY EGGS AGAIN, MOTHER FUCKERS!!! Make it right. Reverse the evils in the ego, and bring it back around to Balance Town.
5. Results at the end of the month following the reading
Wheel… of… Fortune
I got this at the end of my last reading too… Something promising is coming my way. I know this. Something that will help. IT… IS… DESTINY!!!!!! Buy the ticket. Take the ride.
For some clarification… Is this a diet thing or a metaphysical thing that will help?
Strength… KICK ASS… with Kindness.
9 of Cups… Your wish, is my asses command.
So… perhaps all of my wildest dreams will come true. Swords… Swords… Swords… I use a bone-folder for an athame, which is a little gay. Maybe I need something swordier and Special K-worthy? Kicking ass… with kindness. I can do that. I can sooooooo do that. It’s on, bitches! it is sooooooo on!