Can Monkeys Be a Tarot Suit?! Yes. Yes They Can.

Can Monkeys Be a Tarot Suit?! Yes. Yes They Can.


For those of you who didn’t already know, I do have a day job in addition to being SUPER AWESOME. I know… I know… it may come as surprise to find that someone as awesome as myself has to actually work for a living. Good Godsdamn! This shit should be handed to me on the shiniest sliver platter in the sale bin at Nordstrom’s Rack (I may be SUPER AWESOME, but I’m also realistic). So, I toil my weary days away working for the Ten of Pents, a subsidiary of The Emperor Inc. My industry is very brick and mortar. Very traditional, a bit Hierophanatical but more Down with the Man in the Crown who Rules Town… The Emperor. Seriously… do you really want to let an Eris-Worshipper loose to wreak havoc amongst the buttoned-up, paper-pushing suit monkeys? MunDanish to the hilt… CAN I GET A WITNESS? It is my gift and my curse to blend in. I like my job, actually. It’s where my Hierophanty-pants truly shine. LOOK AT MY PANTS! BEHOLD! SHINEY PANTS! I’m quite good at it. I am an Office Lackey to a team of high-falutin’, sales-driven Suit Monkeys. I usually only have one Monkey who is ruled by my Iron Fist of Operational Fury. I get all 7of Wands and 9 of Wands with these primates when I have to. Having four of them is very different than one. My last Suit Monkey was a particularly sardonic Knight of Swords. Life was tough. The Four Muskateers are a bit different.

The personalities are very strong, and are captured quite nicely by their tarot components. As I’ve worked with them in all of their quirks, I’ve found that viewing them under a tarot lens has a very interesting outcome. I understand their motivations (and why they do the annoying shit that they do) much better. It also brings the tarot into my boring, long, tedious, workday in a useful way. Don’t forget my Pentacle Tentacles! I am a practical girl. Simply put, consistantly thinking of people in terms of the cards that embody them the most gives you a leg up. They may be a Knight of Pents in the workplace, and a Queen of Wands in the bedroom (rawr!), but if I am only interacting with them over TPS reports… Well… it only helps me. I don’t need to know how hot Business Time is during… well… business time.

So, meet my many monkeys…

The Knight of Wands: I get along with him, even though he’s full of shit. He’s a man of BIG IDEAS. Gobs of infectious enthusiasm. His mouth? Never shut. It keeps going… and going… and going. For me, I’ll be working with him, and not hear from him all day only to get a “ZOMG! I HAVE AN IDEA!!!!!” type of phone call. He’s a likeable cat, really. Very charismatic. He makes himself at home just about anywhere, by way of the ceaselessly flapping gums. “He’s a cool guy… It’s like he’s been here forever, but… He talks a lot!”. Check. Check. And… Check. He has big plans for himself. He’s probably one of the most motivated of all my monkeys. It just… well… doesn’t always seem practical. He’s a bit cocky, but it’s not to his detriment. It works for him. His youth (although he is my age, so he’s no recently graduated frat-tard) has a lot to do with it. I can work with him, and I don’t dislike him. I just nod when the ideas and plans come. They won’t be followed through half the time. He made a big to-do about getting me to help his office out, only to not have much work for me to do. That is so Wandy, that I don’t even know where to begin. Still, he’s charming enough to make you have ultimate faith in his abilities. You simply can’t help but follow the piper. He’s scrappy. He’s a fighter. I like this kid. Like everyone else, I can’t resist his charms… even if they’re backed by empty promises. Besides, it results in me having a lot of extra time to slack off. I can’t complain about that.

The Knight of Cups: I can’t stand him. Seriously. Everything that’s cuppy and negative about the K of C, he personifies it. He’s whiny. He has entitlement issues. He’s over-sensitive. He relies on his looks far too much. It’s a passive kind of arrogance. He expects this to be handed to him without a fuss or a fight, and when it’s not the man-claws come out. Whine. Whine. Whine. “Things aren’t going my way… Mehhhhh….” “Well, what is your plan to combat that?” “I don’t know. Whine. Meh. Sniff. Meh.” “Ummmm… you’ve got some resources. What about X? What about Y? What about Z?” “Good idea. Let me know how those work out.” He won’t take action himself. He sits there looking pretty (he’s very pretty, for a Suit-Boy), and expects it to be handed over. He’s a pit tempermental, but it’s in a petulant, childish way. He also seems to be a bit sensitive and insecure underneath it all. Bootstraps? This mofo is the Anti-Bootstrap, and if I didn’t need my own bootstraps I’d probably smack him upside the face with it.
“Be a man! Take some action! Take some responsibility for yourself! Buck the fuck-up, Buttercup!”. It’s not my job to make his plans. It’s my job to help execute them. He’s very Moon-y for a man. Totally lost in the fog. And you know what? It’s his own doing

The King of Swords: I’ve worked for a Knight of Swords before, but never a King. He’s a bit smarmy, cool, detached, but fairly laid back. He reminds me of Bill Mahr in his looks and personality. I believe that’s come through experience. He’s done this for a while. He is good at it. He pulls no punches. He says it like it is, and is generally pretty perceptive. I feel like he is motivated by money, but has a very analytical and numbers driven way to arrive there. He’s not SUPER SUITY… He’s more like a behind the scenes guy who has found himself on center stage doing well, but not exactly being a showstopper. He’s thoroughly realistic, and willing to strategize as to how to get to the next step. He has plans. He carries them out. You can trust him to be a man of his word. His demeanor is cool, and his logic is spot on, but he’s not really an unpleasant guy. He understands what I do. He understands how to use my time to his advantage. He’s the easiest for me to interact with, as he takes my suggestions to heart and considers them logically, thoughtfully. His sense of humor is a bit dry, with just a tinge of sarcasm. He doesn’t get worked up… He doesn’t have to. He’s a king. He’s been through this before. He’s realistic. He knows how it works. I get along well with him. Get stuff done, don’t infuse too much sentiment, strategize and work together. I don’t mind this approach. I can count on him to do what he says. I know where I stand at all times. He was probably a bit more arrogant in his youth, but he seems softened in some ways while remaining impeccably sharp.

The King of Cups: Wow. So-so-so different from the Knight of Cups. He’s my favorite. I’ll do extra work for him all the time. He’s honest, genuine, very kind, and intensely perceptive. Working with him is a pleasure, honestly. He lets me know what he needs. I do it. He stays out of the way and lets me do it. He makes sure that he’s not dumping too many things on me. He’s appreciative, and it shows. With his clients, he comes of as wise, understanding, and conducts himself with a kind of diplomacy you don’t often see in my industry. He’s a bit quiet, and adorably awkward in some ways. You can’t help but like him, but he doesn’t demand that you do. Instead, he works dilligently at the business at hand (he has some serious Queen of Pentacles tendencies too) while never straying too far from what is truly important… the client. How he interacts with them is the key to it all. They feel that he truly cares, and is not just there to make money. Yes, homeboy does need to eat, but the caring is genuine. When I talk to him, it’s not all about him. It’s also about them. It’s also about me. He might be a bit sensitive on the inside, but he seems like an old soul in a lot of ways. A rarity in my industry, which is ego driven to a fault at times.

The Queen of Wands? Well… It’s a good thing I’ve got some pents in my pants, otherwise I’d probably end up strangling them or myself. With a bootstrap. Like I said… I’m bootstrappy, BITCHES! Recognize!

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