So the Queen of Wands, the Queen of Swords, and the Queen of Pents get together for brunch… The Queen of Cups was unable to attend…
Q of W: ZOMG!!!! SHOES!!! SQUEE! Look at those shoes that girl has on! These are soooooooooooo cute… and RED. SOOOOOOO red! I don’t think I have any red shoes, do I? I mean, not cherry red. I don’t count those red patent stripper boots from my Wonder Woman costume, of course.
Q of S: Oh… so it *is* a costume. I think we can all breathe a sigh of relief, yes? I was beginning to wonder about that, doll.
Q of W: You thought it… erm… wasn’t a costume? Why the hell would I wear a sparkly leotard and hooker boots in public if it wasn’t some sort of costume? Surely you’ve heard of Whore-O-Ween?
Q of S: Love, don’t take this the wrong way, but… For you, Whore-O-Ween appears to be everyday.
Q of W: Why in the BURNING BELLS of HADES HELLS would you say that, you snarky beeyotch?
Q of S: Snark… yes… well… It’s a public service. Besides, why wouldn’t I say that? That’s waaaaay too much cleavage for brunch. You could kill somebody with those things. Seriously. Think of the children!
Q of W: Nope. Sorry. Not going to happen. That’s the Empress’ job. I am far too fabulous to concern myself with the needs of small people, and their uncontrollable bodily functions.
Q of P: Oh… Come on, you guys! Motherhood really isn’t that bad. It’s different when they’re your own.
Q of S: Different how? Shit is still shit, and it rolls downstream at the same exact pace, per Dr. Science. I’d also consider our Queen of Wands here opting not to breed to be public service as well.
Q of W: I’ll drink to that… Babies are stupid. Another round of mimosas? Shall we drink to life, liberty, and the pursuit of crappiness?
Q of S: Crappiness… that’s lovely. None of us will have to work very hard to get to that lofty height. Eyes on the prize, ladies. Eyes on the prize.
Q of P: Oh, Q of S! You’re so terribly prickly today! Are you getting enough rest? Maybe you should cut back on the coffee and cigarettes… You should come with me to my pilates class. It would probably make you feel better… more grounded. More centered. Work on your core muscles.
Q of W: Pilates? Hells no! That’s soooooooo last year. I’ve been doing this awesome new Cabaret Ballet Spin Fusion Striptease McFunk class. It totally kicks your butt in all the right ways. I feel the BURN in places that… well… only usually burn if you have an infection.
Q of S: I… well… that was more than I needed to hear. I’m not sure how to extinguish that from my memory. I’m going to need more than one more mimosa. I’m going to need 5, at least.
Q of P: Oh… you girls are awful! Just awful! Do either of you know if Q of C is going to make it to brunch?
Q of W: Well… I heard that she and Knight of Cups broke things off when he found out that she hooked up with the Magician. She’s probably crying in her ice cream right about now. Cherry Garcia, table for two! One spoon!
Q of P: Oh dear… how sad! I thought she was lactose intolerant.
Q of S: You know what I heard?
Q of W: What??! TELL ME! TELL ME! TELL ME!
Q of S: Well, I heard that… Wait… I just remembered that I don’t really give a fuck.
Q of P: Well… can’t we all just get along? Breaking up is hard to do! We need to help her take those lemons and make some lemonade.
Q of W: Like Electric Lemonade? The kind with vodka?
Q of P: Heavens no! She’s also allergic to citrus.
Q of S: Fuck brunch… Let’s go to the bar.
Q of W: Cool… Can I wear my Wonder Woman costume?
Q of S & Q of P: NO!!!!