Christian Wicca… No? JESUSCRAFT™!!!

Christian Wicca… No? JESUSCRAFT™!!!

My rant pants are on. It’s Pagany, non-tarot. And… it’s sooooo on! Rife with contradiciton and colorful obscenity! Rumble? Born ready… Steady… GO!

Christian Wicca is one of those things I find highly amusing. (I find lot’s of things amusing. Even midget strippers) I’m not Christian, and I’m certainly not Wiccan. I wholeheartedly defend my right to be amused! Why? I just don’t see what the big deal is. It’s easy for me, I suppose. I swing more towards the Personal Gnosis & Philosophuckery camp before I fall into the Religious Rhetoric Rodeo camp. Do you gnosis what I’m sayin? I’m not so much blending religions or traditions. I like to be shaken, but I’m seldom stirred. I’ll borrow things where they work or where they fit, like most eclectics will. The criticism mainly comes from those who don’t understand that it can be done in a respectful way, towards those who are asshats about it. The asshats are typically dumbasses about it. KNOW YOUR AUDIENCE, STOOPID! Don’t tell a bunch of Hard Gard’s that you’re a Christo-Wiccan because The Archangel Michael and Lakshmi got together threw you a surprise party to tell you it was cool. Hello, I believe this is your ass? Let me hand it back to you! They take no prisoners. They’ll cut you with an athame, and will hold out on the bandaids! Hell hath no fury like a Brassed-Off Wiccan on a Mission, a soapbox, and some Internets!

If one’s issue of a “blended religion” is largely semantic, wouldn’t it be easier just to come out and say so? I caught an article on Witchvox that got me to thinking about it…

This aggrivates me to no end. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah… “You have no right! You are disrespectful! You can’t change a religion to suit your whims!”. “Can’t”? I’m John Locke from Lost! Don’t tell me what I can’t do, monkey humper! There really is no argument here, other than use of the labels. My question is this… It’s a LABEL. How does that really change anything that is being practiced? “Do what you want, but leave my religion’s name out of it!”. I can see that to a point, when looking at the wildly proselytizin’ and speakin’ in tongues madness of Pentecostal Christians in comparison to the really liberal Lutheran synod I was raised in. While I don’t do this myself, I can see how someone would find it easier to say Christian-Wicca than “I practice a form of Witchcraft that is similar to Eclectic Solitary Wicca in many ways, while maintaining a belief in the Abrahamic God and his son Jesus Christ”. What the what-what? If that was my gig, I’d probably say the former, just to make it simple. Or… JESUSCRAFT™(!!!). My confusion is that the author of the article gives Voodoun or Santerria a thumbs up, although they are in essence, just as blended as JESUSCRAFT™(!!!). It’s just about names… Santerria is simply catchier. They don’t mention the heavy Catholic influence by name, soooooo it’s totally okay? Other than semantics, how is that different and how is it worthy of such a lengthy diatribe? For seriouz. It is the practices that matter, and not the names. The names are largely irrelevant. It’s not a very good argument, frankly.

I’ve met many Pagans who simply take themselves too seriously. They are clamoring to be recognized in the same established light as many of the world’s more well-known, and easily accepted religions. As a Pagan, I’d say this isn’t bad. Whining changes nothing. Doing whatever it is that you do, for your spirit, for your gods, for your planet, however it must be done… That is what changes things in a real way.

Honestly, this isn’t a religious problem… This is a marketing problem!

This is my biggest beef with the Pagan community. “Bloorp-bloorp-bleep! We are up in arms!”. Please take a heapin’ helpin’ of STFU. It’s an all you can eat buffet! 24 hours! Kids eat FREE! Parking is in the back. NO LOITERING!

I’m more spiritually flexible than most people. This is my curse and my free gift with purchase. It doesn’t matter to me what other people do. Show a little bit of respect, first. My opinions of blending are solely on an individual basis. If someone is being a real tool about it, I have no issue with calling them out. Or if they’ve left themselves wide-open, I can usually spin it in a better way, changing nothing but making it sound better. It’s a bit inauthentic, but I hate to see those who are genuine in their beliefs, and possibly a bit naive about it become targets. Again… JESUSCRAFT™(!!!). Who does this really hurt? Hmmm? I’m sure it’s contradictory in some way that I strive to do exactly what the they’re talking about. I use labels conscientiously. I borrow respectfully. I’ve read, studied, and have a pretty well developed personal philosophy on why my jumble of beliefs and practices fit together. I say… BRING. IT. ON. I don’t really use labels, except in jest. Hindruid? Awwwwwwww-yeah!

If JESUSCRAFT™ works for someone, and they can back that shit up with a good arguement… Good on them! If they’re willy-nilly, then perhaps they’ve more to learn. Who am I to say? Many paths up the mountain, Bitch! Don’t like mine? Get out of my way, or I’ll whack you in the knees with my pimp wand (the Queen of Wands haz Upgrayyeded from Pimp Cane)! I might get annoyed with individuals, but sometime blending yields suprising new fruits. The labels simply cease to matter. It all has to begin somewhere. Just because you’re practicing a well-established tradition, it does not mean that it is not a blending of other practices and traditions from another point in time. That’s a bit hypocritical. A convenient soap box changes nothing.

Yo… Pagan Community… if it’s just blanket statements about semantics that have got you down, don’t get your knickers twisted. Unless you’re into that sort of thing. And judging from what I’ve seen… a lot of y’all do. When you get down to the brass tacks that hold together the brass rings in your High Priestess’ tetons… I don’t think the gods could give a fuck less. Ask them about it. Or ask Jesus. Your mom. Uhhhh… ask her.

This might be utter bullshit… I practice the Erisian Arts, and Bullshittery is a major component of our tradition. Please do not refer to Discordianism as the Erisian Arts, for they are not the same and it offends me as an Erisian Bullshit Artist. BWAAHAAHHAAA! See what I mean? Yeah. You like that? I know you did! Pervert.


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