What the hell is up with me? I’ve been in this really weird space for the last two weeks, and it’s been growing increasingly more difficult. I am mildly depressed, but not overwhelmingly so. I am bored with everything… even the tarot! It’s more like a lack of interest. I feel like all the reserves are empty in all of the things that usually perk my interest. TV is boring. The internets are boring. All of the books I’ve been meaning to read? Boring. Shopping is… well… I mean… that’s not boring, but I’m kind of broke right now, so it’s not as fun as it could be. I’m fatigued. I’m mentally exhausted. The changes I’m going through at work have transformed months of soul-crushing boredom to a weird roller coaster of marked with moments of utter panic ZOMG-NOT-ENOUGH-HOURS-IN-THE-DAY-SHIT-SHIT-SHIT-It’s-3:00pm-AND-I-HAVEN’T-TAKEN-LUNCH-YET-FUCK to Okay-Bored-Now-Not-Enough-Lolcats-In-The-Multiverse-To-Fill-This-Crevasse-of-Boring-Suck. I’ve been in quite a bit of physical pain, and I can go from Eris the Auntie Christ to “Christ… It’s the Anti-Eris” quite easily with no pain meds. I haven’t had a pain pill in three weeks. I am proud of myself, but as I sit here with the ligaments between my ribcage and scapula screaming, and my poor little rib heads clicking, popping, and stabbing with each move… well… I’m not saying I’d blow a homeless guy in an alley for some tramadol, but… You know what? Ask me tomorrow.
In all, I am mildly depressed. Disinterested. Disconnected. Fatigued. Exhausted. Frustrated. Needy. And let me just state for the record that this is just not me. I haven’t even bothered to read on this, which goes to show how uncharacteristic this is. Flare-ups where I am in a lot of pain are very normal to me. I don’t get this whiny though, usually. What the fork? This. Too. Shall. Pass. Time to get bootstrappy wit’ it… I’m going to bust out my Illuminated, and go to Tarot Town…
I’m going to go for the Fork in the Road Spread from Power Tarot. FORK THIS ROAD, BEETCHES!
1-2 Current Situation
6 of Swords / Justice
I am feeling that this is a transitory phase, with proper balance to be restored soon. No surprises here. I always see the 6 of Swords in a couple different ways, depending on what is surrounding it. Here, I am thinking that while things are far from ideal now, I am slowing progressing out of my funk. It’s just so much slower than I’d like, and I don’t feel like I am getting much of anywhere. That boat is moving slow, but it’s steady. Remarkably steady. It’s how I feel now, but I certainly don’t need to stay there. There is a silver lining, to a degree. Low points are necessary to progress towards the higher ones. It’s part of the balance, but it’s hard to be a mere passenger. I am reading justice here as it is what it is… and here you are. You bought the ticket. Suck it up, and finish the ride.
“I am the passenger / And I ride and I ride / I ride through the city’s backsides / I see the stars come out of the sky / Yeah, they’re bright in a hollow sky / You know it looks so good tonight”
3-4 What is Hidden
The Wheel / Death
Well… this Passenger is heading somewhere with all of this ennui. Is this good? I am going to say yes. This is good. This is progress. The boat in the 6 of Swords will arrive at the dock. Things will change, but it is up to the fates to decide. It’s not for me to know… yet. I can embrace this, I think. Death almost always is a more symbolic journey for me, when I see it come up in the tarot. 6 of Swords also comes up for me as hinting at something theraputic or healing. So… something of this nature is coming my way. It will help. It may get here quickly, maybe unexpectedly, and I don’t get to see what it is for right now. I’ll take it. Shall we pull another card? I wouldn’t mind seeing the Chariot here, just to let me know if it’s going to get here quick.
And… Yeah. This is pretty trippy. I *rarely ever* pull the Chariot, and guess which card I just pulled? Hmmmm… I’ve gotta say, I love it when that happens!
5-7 Strongest possible outcome at this time based on present pattern/energy
9 of Pents / 8 of Cups
I will be able to leave some of this baggage behind. I think there is a definite correlation to my physical issues here. They are the catalyst for my current emotional state. I am going to be starting a new type of healing modality. Feldenkreis? Everything to do with movement, awareness, alleviates pain, etc. I have a consultation tomorrow. I believe it may help, but I’ll be doing a lot of the work myself. It’s not a passive process at all, like popping a pill. I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired! That self-suffient, stylish 9 of Pents Lady is someone I’d like to be, and quite often feel a sense of kinship with. I have to take action, it seems if I want to get out of this rut. I want to do everything but take action. Le tired! Le ennui! Le sigh! No… I have plenty of those things right now, but I don’t really need them. I can make the choice. Obviously, I have to summon the grace, the will, and diplomacy to rise above it. I always do. The cards indicate that I most certainly will.
8-9 Also a possible outcome
Ace of Swords / 9 of Cups
Oh… snap! I’m not seeing “When You Wish Upon A Star” 9 of Cups here… I am seeing overindulgent, stuffed to the gills with coping and whining 9 of Cups. I eat completely awful things when I am in an emotional rut. I mean… I ate Taco Bell yesterday… and the day before. What does that say about my condition? Nothing good, I’ll tell you that! Even though this may possibly persist, my diet is not helping matters. I see that Ace of Swords cutting through the bullshit in a swordy blaze of truthiness and awesome. The Ace of Swords, particular when paired with Lady Justice up top, is just enough to give me an obligatory poke in the ribs. I need to rejoin the gym. I’ve been meaning to, but haven’t gotten around to it yet. My malaise could easily be kicked to the curb, and these sword-wielding bitches know it. Mr. Smug 9 of Cups sits there… He knows he’s got to get up off his ass at some point. I am seeing this as a joint outcome along with the 9 of Pents and 8 of Cups. Both could occur together, and I need to take the initiative, make like Nike, and just do it.
10-11 What I can do to experience the best possibility
The Star/ The Tower/ Ace of Disks
Well… Let’s keep this simple. It looks pretty obvious to me. Yes, it’s rocky. Things are sucky. I feel crappy. My body is hurty. But… hope, balance, healing, and recovery are just around the bend. I am empowered to reach these things, and have every reason to know that there is nothing to freak out over. It’s alllllllllll good. Healing is not just possible, but it will happen. Just gotta brace myself for a slightly bumpy right.
“I am the passenger / I stay under glass / I look through my window so bright / I see the stars come out tonight / I see the bright and hollow sky / Over the city’s a rip in the sky / And everything looks good tonight / Singin’ la la la la lalalala…”