The Devil Hits on The Lovers

The Devil Hits on The Lovers

Just in time for Valium Times Day…

The Devil: Well helloooooo, Nurse! How *you* doin’? Can interest you in splitting this fine bottle of Chardonnay with me?

The Lovers: I’m not sure how to answer that. If I say yes, you might get the wrong idea. If I say no, you might be offended. I’m not sure how to respond, but I have a feeling it could have an effect on my whole evening. It’s a difficult decision.

The Devil: Well… that’s… erm… interesting. How would you feel about a nice little bottle of Cab instead? Hmmm? I’m a man of wealth and taste, and I can’t help it if my vices and the finer things in life overlap. How about it, love? If would make a horny, hairy, man with horns have a happy evening? Don’t say no…

The Lovers: Well… if you insist. It’s a very attractive offer, and I do love a good cabernet.

The Devil: To our vices… Cheers!

The Lovers: Cheers… So, do you bring a set of whips and chains and spiky collars with you everywhere you go, or are you here on business?

The Devil: These bad boys? These are… shall we say… for "recreational purposes only". They’re Cartier. Look at the craftsmanship… You can’t get whips and chains like this this just anywhere. I had them made up specially.

The Lovers: Well… they really are quite pretty. I admire a man who is secure enough within his masculinity to wear such bold jewelry! It is rather attractive, if you don’t mind me saying so.

The Devil: It may be jewelry… but I’m not the one who wears it… if you know what I mean, and I think you do!

The Lovers: I’m not sure I *do* know what you mean… I saw the whip and the collars, and I assumed that you were a lion tamer. My girlfriend Strength is a lion tamer.

The Devil: Your girlfriend, eh? Well… That’s exactly what Daddy likes to hear! So… is your girlfriend here too? Is she hot as you?

The Lovers: Simmer down now, big guy… She’d throw you to the ground just for the way you keep trying to look down my sweater! She’s not the violent type, but you’re being very inappropriate here, and it’s not attractive. And "Daddy"? That’s just gross.

The Devil: You need to loosen up, love… I’ve got a hot tub back at my place. Why don’t you and Strength stop by, and we can talk about "lion taming". Daddy can show you ladies how to tame a lion or two… and you will love it!

The Lovers: It’s been interesting talking to you… I think I’d better be going. I just remembered why I stopped dating lecherous devils.

The Devil: And why is that, pussycat? Hmmm?

The Lovers: You seem interesting at first, but then you easily get trapped in a horrible conversation that you can’t gracefully get out of. No disrespect, but you’re a tool bag. I can do much better.

The Devil: Well… If you ever change your mind, I hang out at the Arcana Club all the time.

The Lovers: *If* I ever change my mind, the Tower will explode candy, sunshine, rainbows, and unicorns. Get a clue! Piss off! {Storms off…}

The Devil: God, I love this woman!


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