Essential Lessons for Oracular Discourse… Or Dumb Shit I’ve Learned About the Tarot

Essential Lessons for Oracular Discourse… Or Dumb Shit I’ve Learned About the Tarot


Have you ever gone merrily tarot-ing along… ON WEED?

I keed… I keed. Slight joke for those of you who remember the small cameo Jon Stewart made in the movie Half-Baked.

Or do I?

I’ve tried… Oh hells, have I tried. But there is one manner in which I can’t read.

I can read drunk to a degree, but I cannot for the life of me read while indulging in herbal… uh… medicine. It just don’t happen, man. Even if I listen to the Yardbirds singing “Over Under Sideways Down” over and over on a loop. Because Gods, who hasn’t tried that? Actually I haven’t done that. I want to though. I think it might be fun!

HEY! HEY! HEY!

I have tried to read while… uh… erm… loopy from smoking the peace pipe with my ancestor shaman hommies. Can I get a what-what, or WITNESS? What up, Super Shaman Ancestor Man? Word to yo’ mama… Mitocondrial Eve, bitches! Awwwww-yeah?

Wow. Look at all of those beautiful jokes! We got jokes about weed, white folks playing up their Native heritage, shamans, evolution, and genetics. FUCK YEAH! Hail Eris, full of spam… Telegram Sam is my main man.

There is no possible way to do a read while in my present state. No… it’s not a daily or even weekly thing for me. Just for fun, just sometimes. Reading? BwaaahaahHAAAA. Ain’t not happening. I even tried with the help of my favorite Shaman In Disguise… Spencer Krug from Wolf Parade, the Sunset Rubdown, Swan Lake, and… Frog’s Eyes! Whose voice knocks my ass into a trance for no damned good reason! Who has the voice of something deeply ancient and startlingly new at the same time? Spencer Krug, who is by my husband’s okay, allowed to be my Boyfriend with the Voice of A Thousand Awesomes?

IF I CANNOT READ, EVEN WITH SK… I AM DONE! Bah! I thought Crystal Stilts would do it… Nada grata. BAH!

So… give me wine, and to Tarot I will go. Ply me with evil leafy things that don’t grow vines (although that would be really sweet!)!

This is not at all important or relevant to the journey. Tarot isn’t all serious bizness, people! Let’s lighten the fuck up! I am mostly saying this to myself. Sometimes I need to heed my own advice.

Note to Self… Don’t blog about tarot or anything else while intoxicated. It’s not pretty. But it is fun.

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2 thoughts on “Essential Lessons for Oracular Discourse… Or Dumb Shit I’ve Learned About the Tarot

  1. 😀

    I can only recommend tarot and wine, from personal experience. Red wine is best and the Lioness likes to roar during those sessions. They’re like all-over body readings, stirring up that base chakra, baby 😉

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