I did my Full Moon Fever spread on Wednesday…
Ugh. This reading was AWFUL. I really struggled with it, but the story the cards were trying to weave just wouldn’t come. I tried a few different spreads that day, and the same thing happened. I try not to get frustrated, but it’s hard. Lately, it’s been an absolute joy to have the answers pop into my consciousness with a kind of ease I didn’t think would ever be possible. I’ve had so many tarot “ups” lately that I’m a bit flustered by the downs. What to do, other than keep reading? I normally get much deeper answers with my Full Moon spread. This time they reflected more outwardly, rather than inward. They’re my lessons, and I’ve done been schooled, son! I wondered if the Full Moon was just throwing me off. It usually doesn’t, but the moon is… well… mooney, so it’s not out of the realm of possibility.
I did a quick one-card after this one… “Why are my readings so muddy today?”
And do you know which card I pulled? Take a wild and crazy guess!
I was reading with the World Spirit deck. It’s usually pretty warm friendly, while reading with crystalline clarity. It’s not usually coy like Jolanda or snarky and snide like Sephiroth. I prefer reading with it at times where my energy is off or if I’ve been struggling with other decks. I prefer to do Full Moon spreads with the Spiral or Illuminated, since they tend to be the most reflective for me. The WS was being down right sarcastic! It’s never sarcastic or quite so obvious. I don’t think I’ll let it hang out in my basket with Thoth anymore. That alone tells me weird shit was afoot.
Oh… yeah… and on to the Mirky Reading of Mundane Moony Mysteries…
Also… I love-love-love-love the Tarot of Trees, and I want-want-want-want. It’s up there on my list with the Mythical Goddess Tarot, the International Icon Tarot, and… Le Sigh.
1. My spiritual progress as it exists now: The Fool
I’m feeling pretty good right now. The physical manifestations of the Special K. Experience have softened and died down a bit. Four weeks of horrible, ongoing nausea and terrifyingly vivid dreams, marked with sudden bouts of anxiety over nothing but the mention of her name. The terror has seemed to run it’s course. I feel very alive and percolating with new possibilities. She tore me down, utterly and completely. Too much weirdness over the last month. I am starting to get it… Special K purges that which does not work or no longer serves us, and transforms and heals us through it. It’s hell. It was hell. I’ve learned that my physical body strongly reacts to spiritual crisis. I never really considered that before. By letting go, it’s funny, but… I am physically feeling better. The nausea has stopped. I’ve been able to get up in the morning and get moving without getting too sick to my stomach. I’m feeling considerably better, but it’s more like an overall feeling of wellness. Some of my chronic pain related shit has improved too. I am the Fool! I am ready to start wherever this new turn of luck has taken me. I am rejuvenated, rather than tired. I’m walkin’ on sunshine, bitches… Whoah! And don’t it feel good?
2. How things will evolve in the next four weeks: 10 of Pentacles
I always look at this card as being just as much about family bonds that extend throughout generations, time honored traditions, and stability as it is about money. So… I’m starting a new chapter or new phase in my journey with a little help from my Foolish friends, during a time of year seeped in family tradition, celebration, togetherness, and warmth. It’s a time of celebration, but not particularly spiritual for me as it is for other people. Perhaps the 10 of Pents is hinting that I might well find ways to look for the the little divine sparks that are dancing around in the background. They are there, perhaps. No matter how mundane the holidays are to me. The Holidays are the stuff of the the Material World, and I am sooooooo a material girl. I’m thinking that it will be important to continue to look for deeper meaning as I establish my own traditions. I’m trying, anyways. I miss whatever it was that made the holidays so special when I was a kid. I haven’t felt that in years. I need to find ways to change that. It’s not really a big piece of the puzzle, but it’s relevant to right now.
3. Some one or something that will effect it: Strength
It’s not something I need to force… I have to be proactive, but I’m starting off with the right amount of enthusiasm. Maybe we should change the Fool to the Elf? I want to feel a spiritual connection to the holidays, the solstice and all of that. It’s not going to happen on it’s own, obviously. Otherwise, the Hanged Man would be here. No, my dear Lusty Lioness may have to work at it a bit. I may have to push myself a little. It won’t be unpleasant though, and it’s certainly something I can do. I’m not going to get a tree… fuck that! Maybe I will go to church on Christmas eve. I miss the ritualistic aspect of it, particularly the candle-lit Christmas Eve service. There was always something magical about it… If I want to bring that magic back, I will have to take some action. I also see Strength as showing a gentleness that is active, rather than passive. Gentle does not mean soft. She’s not loud or showy. She’s doesn’t make a big deal of things. She’s not overly dramatic about it. Yet, she jumps right in there and does what needs to be done. I’ll have to make the effort, but it does not mean that I can’t enjoy myself. Plenty of things to indulge in and enjoy… No need to force things.
4. Outcome to be reached by the next Full Moon: 10 of Swords/5 of Wands
Uh-oh. This certainly isn’t good. I have no idea what this is, but some kind of conflict or squabble is going to come up and someone will get their Martyrdom hat on and have a little whine-fest. In a spiritual sense, I have no idea where this fits. All I can think is that this month’s theme seems to be “Enjoy the holidays… Don’t overdo it, but look for the meaning in the small things. That and a few sips of egg nog are the only way to get the magic back.” Looks like we’re going to end on a mundane note, but that’s not all bad. It’s been a rough couple of months for me, and my soul could use some rest. Sure, petty bickering and playing the victim aren’t exactly restful activities, but they’re part of the balance. Maybe it would be a bad idea to go to Church. It would certainly bring up some 10 of Swords issues for me.
5. What Can I Do to Improve the Outcome: 9 of Pentacles/Queen of Wands
Okay… more Pentacles. I’m convinced. It’s not going to be a really spiritual kind of month. No big revelations or bouts of enlightenment. All I can do is… be myself as I best see myself. The Queen of Wands doesn’t pull any punches, not when she’s at her 9 of Pents best. Again, the everyday mundane stuff and enjoying it is the theme. I might want to get dressed up and go out. There are holiday parties to attend and family stuff. I will 9 of Pentacles the fuck out of it, with Queen of Wands style.
Lipgloss before Idolatry? Sure. And you know what? I can dig it. This was one of the tougher spreads I’ve done in a while. Obviously we’re going to have some Deity Radio Silence. The more intune I am, the easier it comes. The more contented I am on the material plane, the more difficult it is. Of course I need discord to read properly… I am a Discordian.