Smells Like Teen Spirit… D&G Tarot Perfumes

Smells Like Teen Spirit… D&G Tarot Perfumes

When I first heard about it, I got excited about the new Tarot Perfumes by Dolce & Gabbana. I’m not terribly impressed by what they came up with. You could have so much fun with the bottles and the packaging! It’s limitless! What a lovely concept too… The idea of each woman embodying a personality archetype based on tarot. It’s promising, but they went and made it boring. Versace would have taken a concept like that and made it lavishly over the top and fun… Decadent enough to make the Empress squee with glee, and the 8 of Pentacles admire the handywork of the designers.

D&G has chosen very plain and simple packaging, with no sense of play or humor at all. Meh. Their choices of “archetypes of every woman” are as follows:

1- Le Bateleur= The Magician It probably smells a musky with a hint of spice. A bit overpowering. I bet it has topnotes that shout “LOOK AT ME! NO… REALLY… LOOK… AT… ME!”

3- L’Imperatrice = The Empress Flowery. You know they went flowery and girly here. Typical. Expected. Meh. My girl the Empress is more than just somebody’s Sugar Magnolia! Give her more credit than that, D&G!

6- L’Amoureaux =The Lovers You know they went sexy-romantic here… something with hints of rose or jasmine. A little kama for your sutra, Hoss?

10- La Roue de la Fortune = Wheel of Fortune No idea what this bad boy smells like, but I’d say it probably smells like cigarette smoke, hairspray, cheap fruity perfume sprayed to cover up sweat, and boxed wine. The Wheel as a smell, reminds me of Vegas. Totally. I just don’t get anything sensory from it at all. It’s the Unknown. They probably sexed it up. It’s like… erm… going to a sexy beach in Monaco! Bad D&G!

18 La Lune= The Moon What does the Moon smell like? They probably went clean smelling on this one to balance things out. Fresh Cotton Linen Seaside Jamboree. I know they did. They needed one more smell to even out the collection.

I expected to see The Sun, but maybe that would have smelled too much like Elizabeth Arden’s Sunflowers or one of Escada’s tropical smelling little numbers. The High Priestess would have been interesting. She’d have a subtle scent, like a brief top note of night blooming jasmine, with a lasting hint of sandalwood. Not too overpowering, but complex in it’s layers. And what about the Star? I bet the Star Maiden would inspire a lovely scent. Something soft, gentle, and incredibly light. Clean, but with a hint of sweetness.

The Hierophant would smell like the Library and church pews in a bottle, so I’ll pass. The Emperor would smell like Old Spice or Drakar Noir. Some old school man scent that sits in my dad’s medicine cabinet unopened from Christmas 1987. Something old and MANLY. The Devil? You know he’d smell like pleather, ass, and goat. How could he not? The card tends to speak for itself. I wouldn’t want to bottle that shit. Hells no! And the Tower? I’m pretty sure it smells like smoke, pillaging and burninating villages.

The one that confounds me is The Fool. I think he probably smells like soap or fabric softner. Irish Spring, maybe. If you’re going on a trip, I would think you’d take a bath and wash the clothes you just packed in your knapsack.

G&G is disappointing, but the Smells of Tarot are not. It’s kind of fun to think about, really.

Except for the Hermit. I’m pretty sure he smells like a cave. Caves usually don’t have indoor plumbing. Sorry man, but you need a bath. I bet the Fool has some Soap on a Rope to loan you.

I’d only buy these if they came in adorable little tarot themed Harajuku girls-esque bottles. Meh.


4 thoughts on “Smells Like Teen Spirit… D&G Tarot Perfumes

  1. I laughed ’til I cried, honestly :’D

    I’d be all over the HP like a hot buttered biscuit. The Star would smell like crystal. Undefinable. Ooh! Old-skool Cacharel would do The Star perfectly. And yeah, way to go boring-it-up, D&G. Where’s the ruffles? The velvet? The complete OTT-ness? Bah.

    I’m holfing out for L’Eau de Tarot by Eris Hilton.

  2. L’Eau de Tarot by Eris Hilton…

    Someone else can take care of the smell part, just as long as I can design the bottle & packaging.

    Ooohh… It could come in a little shrine/shadow box thingy that you open up, and the bottle is part of the scene that makes the card and… Squee! Ideas!

  3. Hmmm, this comment went ::poof:: too. Tell your blog guardians to stop being such pills!

    Anyway, in short: THAT IS A MARVELOUS IDEA!!!! I can see it already… OMG it’s almost too much for my brain to bear! Squeeeeeee!!

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